A
female
age
30-35,
*iona666
writes:Theres a guy at work who I initially fancied. We flirted quite a lot and he seemed like a nice guy. I thought he was really into me as the signs were obvious. However these past few weeks he seems to have changed. He still flirts (a lot) but he keeps mentioning that hes previously had loads of women on the go at once and that they all fall in love with him hes that good. Clearly portraying himself as a womaniser. Which I dont understand why he thinks that's a good thing. He also has starting saying horrible things about their bodies and slagging off women who have big boobs as according to him it's awful when they take a bra off and they fall lower on their chest. I cant help but feel personally insulted, not to mention uncomfortable as I have big boobs. I just find it all really odd contrasting behaviour... obviously now I'm thinking twice about perusing anything with him because one minute hes flirting and then the next hes slagging of his ex women who have the same body type as me. But I dont know how to handle it and I dont understand his behaviour.Thank you in advance
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at work, boobs, bra , flirt, his ex, womaniser Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (14 October 2019):
 Why wonder what he’s up to? Sounds like a dick and not someone you want to be entertaining, not to mention getting involved with someone at work is NEVER a good idea! Forget about him, do the job you’re being paid to do and remain professional at all times.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2019): He's horrible and he's probably negging you. He's not blind, he can see you have big boobs and he's being insulting because he thinks you'll work harder to prove him wrong. He's a creep.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (14 October 2019):
 Once he sensed you might be serious about him, he's putting some distance between you, but it's more than that. If he was just trying to keep you at bay, he would stop the flirting and possibly hint about being interested in someone else, in a polite conversational way.
I suspect he's grooming you to become crazy about him so that he can do as he pleases while having the benefit of seeing how badly you want him.
He is indeed a twat.
Keep it professional.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2019): He's playing with your mind and emotions for his amusement. He can see that you liked him, so he reciprocated for a while, knowing that that would probably make you happy and then insulted you. He knows that making comments about big boobs would be interpreted by you as being about you. He lifted you up by flirting with you and then brought you down by insulting you. He likes the control that he has over the people who give him that control.
He is a nasty piece of work, who thinks he's so great that he can play with other people like this and not ever get hurt himself.
Don't go through life thinking that all people are straightforward, kind, and decent. Some people most definitely aren't. You've just met one of them. Give him a wide berth at work and ignore him. Don't give him the satisfaction of thinking that he's upset you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2019): He's being purposely obnoxious. Only he knows his reasons, but if you're insulted; easy remedy, be professional and don't get close enough to chit-chat. Stay out of range and he'd have to shout; which would get him into a heap of trouble.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (11 October 2019):
 He just wanted a "play-mate" someone to flirt with and when he noticed YOU might be catching feelings for him, he started doing the push-behavior by behaving kind of repulsive.
TRUST me he KNOWS you would find it offensive to criticize big boobs as you HAVE big boobs. In hopes that you will back off...
OR he is seeing just how much CRAPPY behavior you will accept.
Or he is now so comfortable with you that his "real self" is being let loose.
Either way....
He sounds like a twat and a douche.
IF I were you, I'd quit the flirting, and stop looking for "dates" at the work place. After all, YOU could have avoided all this awkwardness if you keep in mind that you are THERE to work, not flirt, not look for a partner. I'd back away now. RUN for the hills, actually.
After that, JUST be polite, professional around him at work. TREAT him like you would any other coworker you are NOT romantically interested in.
I think you dodged a bullet here, OP
He sounds full of himself and without an ounce of self-censoring or social skills.
If he asks why you are no longer flirting or interacting as much with him, I'd just say that you have come to the conclusion that it's not a professional behavior.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (11 October 2019):
 Apart from it never being a good idea to get involved with someone with whom you work, let me ask you a question: are you desperate? This is a genuine question, not meant as an insult.
This guy is obviously a total jerk. Why would you even consider getting involved with him, the work situation aside? My bet is he is totally inadequate in relationships, hence the need to brag and run women down. Do what you are paid to do at work and let him pursue other gullible women. You are worth better and can do better.
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