A
male
age
41-50,
*ranscowboy
writes:So i really dont know what to do here. Let me explain. I am 26 years old, single, and will be for a while. Im just not into the whole dating thing. I have a friend, who i talk to alot. We met about 3 years ago. She is alot older then i am, married with kids. I have never over stepped the line of our friendship. We get along great, in fact, she is the only person who can read my mind, and can finsh my sentences online. We talk on the phone every now and again too. We just enjoy talking to each other. We understand each other.Have intellegent converstations. Well her and hubby have been having problems for as long as i have known her. I have always been there to help her figure things out. Talking to her lately, i get a sense that hubby is gone soon. She had me read something she wrote and i asked if she was talking about her husband in one part, she said no. With all that said. We still maintain we are just friends, but i have fallen in love with her about a year ago. I just dont let her know. because i dont want to lose her friendship. At the same time, i think she knows how i feel for her. I mean she is the only person allowed to call me at any time of day. I really dont have a question, i guess i just want to know if im being a good friend. I would never hurt her, and she knows that. I am just wondering if maybe we are meant to be together one day down the road. I would never do anything to hurt her marriage. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, H2H +, writes (15 March 2008):
It could be....
It's a tough situation which I've been in more than once before myself.
The tricky part is the "could" and the pull of "in the future." What *is* is that there is a deep emotionally satisfying and mentally stimulating connection between the two of you. What *is* is that you're otherwise unattached and she is solidly attached by children and marriage.
I'm sure she is fully aware on some level of how you feel about her. But openly talking about it would probably put her in an uncomfortable position.
So, YES, you are being a good friend to her. The real question is likely to become are you being a good friend to yourself? There may come the point where you may have to speak up in other to be a good friend to her and yourself.
It's a road you might want to avoid.
Try to shift your focus from "meant to be together sometime in the future" to the present reality: you two are meant to be good friends now.
What might be is only possibility. And possibilities are easy spoiled by future expectations instead of enjoying present realities for exactly what and how they are.
If you focus on what could be, you discard what is. Enjoy being her friend as much as she enjoys being yours.
Perhaps, life is showing both of you what the foundation of a long lasting relationship really is. Mutual understanding and unconditional acceptance of yourself and another. Otherwise, how can you read each other's mind?
Never hurts to glance at tomorrow on occasion. How else will you avoid going down a road you don't want travel?
So, relax. Enjoy today. Let tomorrow bring its surprises in its own time.
--H2H
A
female
reader, India2007  +, writes (15 March 2008):
Hi there,Wow you really are in a complicated situation, although perhaps I can shed a bit of light on the matter. I am an older woman (35) albeit not married and I had been texting and phoning a 24 year old guy for about two years. He is Indian, so I'm sure will end up having an arranged marriage. Anyway we too never discussed our feelings and I fell in love with him and I think he did we me but we never discussed it.... to this day until I broke the whole thing off - relationship and friendship - as I decided it was wasting my time. I was dying to talk to him about it. I think you should - she will probabloy want to talk to you. You need to both decide where this is going so as to not waste you time as well as hers.... It's always better to get involved with someone after they are divorced... sometimes friendships like yours go beyond the boundaries of friendhsip and sometimes you have to deliberately pull back from it and just ensure it is just a friendship. Imagine how happy you would feel if you met a girl who was available who you could fall in love with? Right now you are not emotionally available. You can support her and be a friend but it seems like your emotional involvement has gone beyond that of a friend... this is what happened to me and this is what you can gently tell her... if my 24-year-old had had this conversation with me, I would have respected him. Don't have a relationship with her until she has ended her marriage.Good luck!
...............................
|
