A
female
age
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*tarryeyed50
writes:I am a 59 year old woman married for 28 years. When my husband developed health issues that affected his ability to get an erection I thought my sex life was over. He tried Viagra and and some other stuff and when nothing worked he started telling me to have sex with other men.I told him I wasn't interested in doing that but he just kept talking about and it both in and out of bed.. I told him i would never do it, but after about eight months of no intercourse and not much else I began thinking what it would be like with another guy. We talked about it and I told my husband I would like to try it with someone else. We made arrangements for me to meet this guy from the internet. We met at a motel. that had a lounge and after a few drinks he registered for a room. I felt scared and dirty doing this, but it turned out to be pretty nice. I felt a little guilty afterwards, and when I got home, I told my husband about it and asked him if he still felt alright. he said everything was ok. since then I have had sex with three other men. The first two were nothing special including the sex but the last guy I was only 28 and just made me feel like a special woman. His kisses and the way he held me was different than any other man and when we made love he rang my bell like no one ever has including my husband. I feel a lot younger, sexier and confident about myself and can't seem to get enough sex. I have been with him 3 times now and I like the way this man makes me feel, I am pretty happy and the only difference I see in my husbands feelings is he is more loving and attentive towards me. I want to see more of this man, not to suggest that it wouldn't go any farther than sex, it couldn't I'm 59 and he is 28 but damn to coin a phrase from Jerry McGuire, "he completes me" . I like having two men, I am happy with my husband and this young guy keeps me sexually content. I like this whole arrangement. Is this the way it is for most women...do you all feel this kind of satisfaction????????? is my husband right for letting me and will it get out of control ???? I know our lifestyle is different and I guess I'm looking for some reassurance that it won't harm our marriage
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male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (31 March 2011):
 Once he rips you and your husband apart I give it about six, maybe twelve months after you marry him and he will then divorce you taking everything you owned with him. don't fall for the cougar trick! Set up a few fall backs for yourself just incase ;)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2011): I think he's after your money, or something else if he's pressuring you to marry him. Somethings up. Be careful.
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (15 February 2011):
 Yep, that's what we said... BE CAREFUL SEX CAN CAUSE LOVE.
Sigh.... Your a grown woman that's why many of us were unwilling to tell you that it sounded like a very bad idea, and maybe we should have.
Again, your a grown woman, you've made up your mind and your not thinking sensibly about your future. Your husband sounds like a decent guy, who just can't have sex. He puts your needs first.
Sex with this young guy is good, but living with him everyday, getting older everyday, wondering when (not if) he's gonna leave you. Your living in a fairy tale, a couple of months of good sex, and suddenly, age doesn't matter, marriage doesn't matter, your gonna run away and play house with some child.
A very bad idea... I really don't think you've thought this through. I don't think this relationship will last, and you will have hurt your husband, thrown everything you've worked for in the rubbish bin, and you won't be able to go back.
Again, your a grown woman, you make your own choices, I wish you luck.
PS: Please make sure that you guard your money and make sure your retirement funds are safe. Young men can be expensive.
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A
female
reader, Starryeyed50 +, writes (15 February 2011):
Starryeyed50 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, I was almost ashamed to write an update. This whole thing started last June and It's now February and has taken on a life of it's own.
I all started as sex but who would of ever thought a young guy of 28 (29 now) would fall for an old broad like me. We have spent so many glorious nights together and I'm not talking just about sex. I mean it seams like everything we do together is perfect.
Anyway, he wants me to marry him, he says he loves me and if we don't get married then he is going to break things off.
I love him to and don't think I can live without him. I said in my first post that "he completes me" now it's more than that he is part of me.
I guess most of you were right about getting emotionally involved, but I was guarding myself against falling for him.
Who would have ever thought he would fall in love with me.
Thanks for all the advice that I didn't heed. I am moving into his apartment and telling my husband I want a divorce.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2010): Something else to.consider,
The young man you're involved with is a person, not a dildo. He might develop feelings for you and seek exclusivity at some point. Do you really want to risk hurting someone that you are using to fill a void in your marriage?
This really has the potential to bring unnecessary drama into your already difficult situation.
Back to dildos, have you considered using toys to pleasure yourself? Perhaps your husband can take part in using toys with you. Intimacy doesn't stop at sex and you have the potential to kill any intimacy you have left with your husband if this continues.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, CruiserBill +, writes (18 June 2010):
I have E.D. fairly bad but perhaps not quite as bad as your husband. I take Cialis but my erection is not hard or strong enough to enjoy intercourse. My wife uses here hands and finishes me off with her mouth and I am enjoying the most rewarding sex of my life.I return, I have gotten good with my hands and mouth. I use Astroglide lube while massaging her vaginal area and I have also purchased a massage table and learned how to give excellent Swedish Massage 4 or 5 nights a week.Our marriage is very healthy, we have never been happier. I highly recommend you try what we are trying. Get good with your oral sex and ask the same from him. You will be so glad you did!
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (16 June 2010):
 Having been married for 46 years now and having been through what your hubby has;i.e. erection problems and ejaculation issues. I can understand his desparate suggestions to have you be satsified sexually but guess what. there are numerouse "tools/toys" out thee to buy that will satisfy even the most raving desires and mantain your intimate life experiences. I'd shun the real life trists and roll in bed with the one you love. Let him give you thrills with a miriad of "Toys" you'll lose the guilt and the chabces of S.T.D. transfers will go away.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010): Only you know the answer. I think you're right that it's an uncommon situation that a husband would be so okay with this arrangement. However, he appears to be fine with it. So, if it makes you happy, go for it and have your fun. I also think you're right that this guy is 28 and you're pushing 60, so it won't last forever. It will run its course. Just don't put your heart into it so much. Also, importantly, make sure you constantly reassure your husband and make him feel like he's number one. And when the relationship with the 28 year old stud ends, make sure you don't mourn the end of that relationship with your husband. That would be bad for many reasons. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (16 June 2010):
 Gee LG you're having a good day! I totally agree, this is no marriage in the true sense of the word. Where is the "forsaking all others" and the "in sickness and in health"? Just two people sharing a roof.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (16 June 2010):
 If it isn't bad for your marriage I would be REALLY worried. What does it tell of the relation between the two of you that this is NOT an issue?
Why are you both together if you don't care about who you have sex with and he doesn't care who you have sex with?
I would say there is no marriage. Just two people sharing a household.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010): Your arrangement isn't all that uncommon. It's just something most people don't talk about. But I think you have crossed the line with the 28 year old. You need to keep your heart out of it. Your heart belongs to your husband. I have some married friends in your situation so I know where your coming from. I know this is gonna sound strange but they have a rule that there's no kissing on the mouth and there are no secrets. Good luck and keep yourself in control.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (16 June 2010):
 If you spend more time with one person, i.e. this younger guy, it definitely has the potential to become, at some point of time, something more than just sex. If you and your husband have an understanding that you will have sex outside of your marraige ONLY as a way for you to be satisfied sexually, it's important that you start seeing the men you're with as a dick (or, as I like to put it, "cum source") and nothing more. There's a clear and present danger that the younger man you're with could become a lot more than that in your eyes.
In my opinion, it will be bad for your marraige if you keep it up. Better to move on to someone else and vary your partners. (Blah blah always practice safe sex etc etc.)
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (16 June 2010):
Don't spend too much time with this young guy.. Remember you love your husband for a reason, and it's more than just sex and a dick...
Your husband sounds like a great man.. remember him and your marriage come first. Protect your heart, it's not yours to give away to a man who is great at sex. Protect your body, use condoms..
People do all kinds of things, your situation is unusual, but your not the only people living like this. Be clear, it is a sex guy your looking for, not a husband, not someone to love.. if your heart gets involved, then I suggest you dump the guy quickly and find someone else.
Your husband is trusting you, please do not betray him by loosing your heart and falling in love with somebody you know very little about.
Good luck, and blessings to the wonderfull man you married.
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A
male
reader, Griffo +, writes (16 June 2010):
It could potentially get out of control but not if you let it so. It's good that your husband is so caring and loving and to be honest in the long run that is the one thing that will count far more than a sexual encounter no matter how good it makes you physcally feel.
On the other hand we as humans are dynamic variable thinkers which means your husband could easily develop a jealousy at any time. When, if this happens it could be uncontrollable for you and co e of a shock. You may find that you could be in a position where you will have to choose between a loving husband or a ravishing sexual encounter that makes you hot. But in the long run it's pretty obvious which one truly counts. Does your husband know that yo have met the same encounter a number of times? If yes and he's ok then that's good but if not be aware when if you tell him it could potentially hurt his feelings sparking jealousy.
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female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (16 June 2010):
 Hi
Your husband seems like a very selfless loving and most of all insecure. I reasoned he had let u have sex with other guys openly so that u do not go and have affairs in secret unfortunately emotions had clouded his intelligence meaning he trusted that u will not go and find 'completenesss' but sex.
My question for u is are sure you want to continue with this youngman who completes you? how sure are you that you are not crossing line?meaning getting attached to him? yes your husband forced u into this but u re the one in deep and you must assess consequences of all this. Its good to have ur groove back however u re the only one with the answer is keeping this youngman good for your marriage?
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A
female
reader, Hiba O  +, writes (16 June 2010):
While i was reading your post, my jaws was wide open, I dont know but considering that ur husband is not sexually active, does that mean that you can go out and sleep with every other man? Are u blaming him for his in abilities? Where is for the better or worse part? ..
Ask yourself this question? .. What if you were in your husbands shoes? .. What if you were not able to have sex for health issues? .. Would you appreciate it if he went and slept around? This is wrong and at 59 you should be mature enough to know that my dear
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A
male
reader, lsickle +, writes (16 June 2010):
Well I would say the biggest problem will be emotional attachment. Obviously you love your husband but unfortunatly say something like he completes me about the other man may very well end up hurting u in the end because you have to think if he suddenly said i want to end this...how would u feel or worse he ended wanting to be in a relationship with u and hey stranger things have happened but thats just my two cents at least at present time your happy and thats what counts for this moment
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female
reader, hpoco  +, writes (16 June 2010):
 Reserving all judgments, I would say the fact that you have feelings about this new younger guy is not good. Don't let things get messy. If I were you, I would stop seeing him. Perhaps your husband is being more loving because he is afraid of losing you, or you are showing him less attention and he is trying to make sure you "see" him too.
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