A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i have been married one year and we just had twins 3 months ago my husband has a woman friend that i dislike so much. one time my husband get a phone call from her and they were on the phone for hours.but my question to you guys is that any time i erase her number out of his phone and he finds out the number is gone he gets so defensive and abusive, he starts cursing me and threating to leave me could they really be friends like they say they are? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2010): No, I don't think you're over reacting. Not anymore than he does when you erase her number. If they can hold hours long conversations then there is something there between them. You may be a little unreasonable about going into his phone & erasing things but I think that you probably only did that after attempting other ways of ridding her from your life, right? Well, he should respect you more than defending his relationship with her. There must be something about her that strikes you as threatening, so identify that and point it out to him. If I were you, if he reacted poorly to a reasonable explanation of why you don't thinks it's proper for them to be so chummy then I would then point out it's apparent he's got a thing for her and to make a choice right then & there. I know making someone chose between them & someone else is a bit taboo but why should you have to deal with this woman who you do not want around you or your husband just so he can get something from her he should be getting from you. I wouldn't put up with it if you don't want to. He's walking all over your feelings because he doesn't respect your opinion. Your a woman, you know when another one is out to get your man or when your man is interested in another woman. But of course this doesnt apply if you feel this way about every woman he ever talks to. Then you're probably just a jealous woman who should lighten up.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): I have tons of guy friends who I can talk to for hours on the phone, and neither of us are attracted to each other. Many of them are taken, and I am happily engaged.
You are super overreacting, and I can see why he would be mad. How would you like it if he went and deleted all your best friends numbers from YOUR phone?
And I doubt he gets "abusive", just because of how you wrote that sentence. Just because someone yells at you for doing something they don't like doesn't mean they are abusive, it means they are hurt. He thinks you are being over controlling and jealous, and that's why he threatens to leave you. He doesn't want to be with someone who tells him who he can and can't be friends with.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): They're most likely just friends. My wife's hormones raged after having our twins, and she took this one girl we both knew and were friends with very seriously, and offensively, no matter what I did or didn't do. She felt threatened by this girl's friendship with me, and I felt at the time as though there was nothing wrong and she was over-reacting.
There was nothing more than feelings of friendship between us, but I eventually quit associating at all with her, since I knew that was the only way to stop her protests. I wasn't abusive to my wife, but I did take great offense to her accusations of what she thought I may have done or wanted to do with this other person.
All in all, don't stop telling him how you feel, though, because if you just had twins, it's not a good time for him to provoke or aggravate you day after day by continuing on a path he knows you have a problem with. He has to respect you, since it's too stressful a time to mess with your emotions. I know a person should usually be trusted with what friends they keep, but your motherly instincts should come first, and if you take a nursing lion in the wild as an example, they don't take lightly to outsiders, because there's a natural instinct to protect and raise the family.
I totally understand where you're coming from, since my wife felt the exact same way after having our twins, and even during the last few months of pregnancy. Trying to make your man understand will be alot more difficult, because he'll have to give in and let go of his close contact with this friend, like I did, before he ever sees things from your perspective and your emotions at the time. It took me a whole year to completely accept and understand why she felt that way. Guys don't have those instincts ring so clear within ourselves, but he should still respect your wishes and instincts when you feel there's something wrong with the picture.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): what do you mean by threateing and abusive. does he get loud and stomp around...threaten to leave if you dont respect his privacy?
or is he cursing you and physically abusing you?
i think he could get angry and tell you what he thinks...without that being abuse...so i'm wondering how do YOU classify abuse?
If it is calling you ugly names in anger and hitting....that is unacceptable. mal
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): I have "just friends" male and female that i could talk to for hours. I would not be at all happy if anyone took the liberty to delete them from my phone...does he talk inappropriatly to them...do they have a history? is he being hisself with you. if you are being ignored then i would worry, or if they are spending real time together.
if you are uncomfortable he should respect that tho...a spouse should always come first. mal
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2010): Im a female. One of my best friends is a guy. He and I were close when we were both single and neither was attracted to one another (not each others' type). We went on a trip to Vegas together and shared a room when we were both single. Nothing happened between us because we truly are just friends. He is now married and I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. My male friend and I were on the phone for about an hour today. I care about him and love him as a friend and vice versa. About you going through your husband's phone and deleting numbers, that's a little bit over the top. I'd be pissed if my boyfriend went through my phone and deleted numbers (even more so if we were married). If you don't trust your husband, talk to him about it. A relationship without trust is doomed.
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female
reader, sarahrose20 +, writes (9 September 2010):
of course they could just be friends if they were cheating i would think he would seem more guilty about it and try to hidde her better but him being abusive in any way is not a good sgn no matter wether hes cheating or not thats not right and what will happen when your kids get a bit older they will have to see this as well
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