A
female
age
36-40,
*ellogoodbyebabe
writes:So I am finally with the man of my dreams... We have had our ups and downs... good times and bad times.. and yet, we always managed to work things out, through communication, open mind and trust for one another. He's the first man in my life that I trust, and the first man in my life to do anything to make me happy.We were friends for three years prior to when we started seeing each other. During that time, I dated one of his friends, I had sex with two of them, and countless makeouts (My bad stage.. Lasted very short, and I eventually went to therapy for it. It's been about 3 years since I've acted like that). When he asked me out on a date, I thought... Why the hell would this guy want to even DATE me (if THAT was my past!)? I asked him and he said because he knew I wasn't like that. He thought I was gorgeous and he doesn't care what happened in the past. When we started seeing each other, he had just gotten out of a relationship and didn't want to fall right back into one without living the "single life." I understood whole heartedly. I knew there was something there.. just the timing was not right.Well, during a drunk summer night, I found out he made out with a girl I knew on top of a dumpster (good job). I felt so jealous and so angry. And even though it's been almost a year, I can't get over it! He didn't date her, he didn't have sex with her, they just made out. And above all, with my past and his understanding, I reeeeally shouldn't be the one upset about this (since I'm no angel). How do you guys deal with this? Any advice/tips.
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (26 May 2011):
 my advice would be this: it was on top of a dumpster.
i wouldn't be too jealous.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 May 2011):
 I can relate, sort of. You care so much about this guy that even the smaller thought of a threat gets you started. Things like this might not have bothered you if your guy wasn't "mr dreamy" himself. He's just too good, and it makes you feel all insecure and nervous. Having that very special guy in your life can also trigger your jealousy, even if you have absolutely nothing to be jealous of. It's just that the stakes are so much higher now.
How to get over it? I think you just need to give this relationship it's time, and you will trust in it more. I think that with time together, you will understand clearer what actually poses a threat to your relationship, and what doesn't. Because him making out with this girl before.. doesn't mean much for your relationship now. Maybe you should try to ask yourself exactly why this bothers you. Does it make you scared that "what if he had feelings for her" or "what if I love him more than he loves me". His decision to not go straight into a relationship with you even though you were ready might have left you feeling that it is one sided. Even when it isn't. We're not always as rational as we want to be.
Like the previous poster also said, when a relationship is too good to be true, we try to find flaws to sort of balance it out. Because you're scared of believing that it is so good... you might subconsciously think that there must be something wrong, because that's what you're used to. So your mind goes looking. And honestly, if THIS is the worst you could come up with I think that says a lot about how wonderful your relationship is! Don't you agree?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2011): This is a tough situation you are in. I understand fully what you are going through in your confusion about how to respond to feelings of jealousy and anger. Sometimes when we are in relationships that are good, we look for reasons for them to not be good. It is a trick that our psyche plays on us but it can be overcome. Him making out with this girl is not the real problem. Because in your heart you know what it was, nothing. He told you straighforwardly that he didn't want to be in a relationship just yet. And now he is with you, and I assume he doesn't make out with other girls now. If he does than that is another problem altogether. But if he is true to you now, then the problem is you. You need to move out of your own way and let it go. It is not easy to let go of pain from the past. But do know that it is not his fault. If you love him, and he loves you, then tell him how you are feeling. I promise you that he will reassure you that it was nothing. After you talk to him about it, tell him that you know it is irrational for you to be jealous about it, but that he means the world to you and you wanted him to know how you feel. Maybe then you will be ready to let go of the past.
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