A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend (now ex) finished with me about a month ago, telling me he needed space and wasnt ready for a serious relationship. It's not that I don't believe him, but I feel there was deeper reasoning. He has a demanding job and from what i've witnessed, doesn't get a great deal of time to himself. Additionally, he likes his nights out with his mates so I can understand him not having time for me; sleeping til noon, working til night. It's neverending for him really.However, everything between us was going pretty well before he broke up with me. The only thing I can recall is when I was going to go to work with him and wait for his shift to finish, then he started hinting that his boss didn't like me being there as i was distracting him from his job. Which was fair enough really!Aside from this, I've considered his reasoning for breaking up with me could have been to do with sex. I slept round at his house a number of times, on one occasion he asked me but I wasn't ready, on another occasion we decided to give it a go but he had erectile difficulties so it didn't happen, on another occasion we discussed sex and made a mutual decision to wait for a while, then on the last occasion he asked me if I wanted to and I replied that I was "undecided" (this was untrue, the answer was yes) then he asked if I were on the pill and I replied "no" without any further expansion, to which he went quiet then changed the subject. I didn't intend to be so, but I think my response was very offish. Could he possibly have taken this as rejection? He always used to go on about how lucky he was to have me and would say "how has a guy like me ended up with such a gorgeous lass like you?", he also had a lack of self esteem due to bullying in his childhood.I want to get to the bottom of the reason why he broke up with me. If I have some idea, then maybe I could work towards getting him back. There is no point in me asking him because he'll only say what he orginally said about "needing space" and as i've previously suggested; I feel there is a deeper reason such as above. Can anyone offer me some insight?
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broke up, self esteem, the pill Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (8 May 2010):
 The needing space is just an excuse to break off with you .It could be that he was not ready for a serious relationship but there must be something underlying which precipitated that decision.
I think it is his ED which sapped his confidence and made him to break off with you . Some men have that perception that if they cannot get hard ,they are no more a man and cannot satisfy the woman. I feel that is the major reason why he broke up with you .
For no one wants to break up a beautiful relationship over some minor reasons.
Give him some space and time and when he is ready , he will either come back to you or disappear from your life.
A
female
reader, raiders  +, writes (8 May 2010):
 You should focus your time on other stuff take your mind off why he broke up with you, point is he did. Don't dwell on it live your life and do what all women wishes happens when they get dump wish he regrets it, wants you back, but at that point you don't feel the need for him and refuse to take him back. Until than let it go date and meet new guys.
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A
female
reader, Blue Sahara +, writes (8 May 2010):
 I think men can sometimes lie about why they are breaking up, just like women. But it is usually done to spare someone's feelings. Like saying "I love you so much I can't be with you." Telling you that he needs space seems like a pretty honest answer. Especially when he is saying stuff like "My boss doesn't want you at work." I think that might be a little bit of a way of saying he doesn't want you hanging around at work.
It sounds like in his mind the relationship was still pretty causal, since he was still choosing sleep and his friends over spending time with you. When a guy really gets attached, just like when a woman gets attached, he usually does choose to sleep less and see his friends less cause he wants to spend time with you. They really aren't that different then us in stuff like that.
I can't say he broke up with you over sex but it could have been the last straw. Since you said no and then said you weren't on the pill, he probably thought you had no intention to have sex anytime in the near future.
Of course you can always try to get him back. But I think he was looking for something a little more causal then you wanted. It sounds like he wanted to occasionally hang out and occasionally have sex. I don't think he was in a stage where he wanted long talks at night or anything. So if you do try to get him back, I think you need to realize you aren't going to win him over to a full blown commitment.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 May 2010):
Men aren't like women. We're pretty direct, whereas woman tend to be indirect. This is usually what leads to misunderstandings. A man will say something and a woman will look for deeper meaning, where this is no meaning. A woman will say something and a man will take it literally, rather than look for the meaning. As men, we usually say what we mean. He said that he needed space and wasn't ready for a relationship, he meant just that. There is no deeper meaning. He just wasn't ready. Stop looking for meanings and answers, because you'll never get any, and even if you do, you'll always have another question. He's just not the guy for you. Another guy will be, so find him instead.
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