A
female
age
30-35,
*arfo
writes:Well, last year I met this really great girl, pretty much perfect really. I spent most of year 12 fancying her and getting to know her. I remember the first time I saw her, I've never liked anyone so instantly. She sat apart from everyone else, so the next time I sat by her, It was awkward at first, she didn't say anything, she seemed really uncomfortable, It felt almost like she hated me for no reason. After a few weeks, she finally started talking to me like as if she had been doing that since the beginning. I found out she had a boyfriend so I tried my hardest to stop fancying her and just befriend her, then at christmas she said she was bi, and the attraction came flooding back till I reminded myself she still had a bf. So I tried to ignore my feelings and just be friends untill easter when she broke up with her boyfriend I started fancying her again. It seemed like she might like me, she always seemed like she was anxious around me yet made a real effort to fight it and always ask me how i was, and loads of other questions and she seemed overly interested in everything i said whereas nobody else is, they just occasionally ask me short questions as small talk and don't listen to the answers and then walk off or it then turns out they are talking to me because they want something. So I thought, great now's my chance, she's single, we click, I'll ask her out maybe, but i left it too late and some guy beat me to it. This guy who I thought would just be a rebound, has been her bf ever since. He is horrendously ugly, yet she seemed happy so I got over her, I didn't see her all summer, I barely thought about her.Instead towards the end of summer, I met a really lovely single lesbian, we got to know each other, saw each other a few times. I could talk to her for hours, in person and on msn. I really enjoy being with her, whatever being her with her means. I am attracted to her, She's cute yet tough and protective, I feel safe withg her, she gives me her jacket when it's cold, walks me to the train station, offers to pay, sometimes we flirt a bit, but I don't really know where we are or whats going on. since she started her college she's been busy apparently and almost never even comes on msn, or facebook, I haven't talked to her in like a week, haven't seen her in about 3 weeks, and I don't want to seem clingy and text her or call her. She said she wants to see me again, but she's so incommunicative. It seems wierd, i mean she's the one that started this and wanted to hang out and get to know me in the first place so I don't get why she's so distant, nobody can be that busy as not to go on msn for nearly 2 weeks at a time. She doesn't even have UCAS to worry about this year and she's only doing 3 subjects. The last time I talked to her She asked me to fill in this quiz she said was for her psychology coursework, and It was all about what i thought of Long term relationships and how long my longest had lasted, and can I see myself being with the same person for 2 years +, and then there were random questions about do i drive and did i eat breakfast which were totally irrelevant. Do you think she was just trying to find out how i feel? because i gave off really bad anti relationship vibes. While it was true, what i said about not doing relationships, i'm worried I came off as a bit off a shane from the L word. I am a more random romance kind of person, but thats not by choice, I rarely meet anyone I want to have a relationship with, and when i do the girl's usually already in one! I would love to be in a long term relationship with someone, I'm just not going to do that with someone I can't see it working with. So now she probably thinks she is one of those people and that I don't like commitment or something, which is completly untrue. And now I'm back at college, and the girl i mentioned before is back in the picture, after not seeing her for a while, I fogot how gorgeous and lovely she was, and so we had a huge catch up, during which my mind was going "oh **** I still fancy her!" Then I saw the other girl again, and it feels like they're on this emotional see-saw. :(So then back at college, They'd merged another class with ours due to loads of droppers and everything was ok at first, Everybody retained their seats from last year in my class. I sat by her again, everything was fine. Then the next week I was barely a minute late and this douchebag dweeby guy had pounced on my seat. He damn well knew that was MY place. ok, I may be biased given how I've felt about this girl, but the seat was clarly mine, I'd only sat there all year and resumed sitting there the first couple of times, it was clearly mine even to his lot who hadn't been there last year. You just don't do that. I know it's hypocritical of me but it just gets me so mad, he sits right up close and gazes into her eyes when he talks to her and stares at her when she's not looking he practically drooling over her, and although i've accepted she has a bf and I don't fancy her as much as I have in the past, and the other girl's on the scene now it just really enfuriates me, now i have to sit opposite them and watch him longing after her. And when he's not gawking at her he's looking to see where my eyes are, I think he knows he's crossed a line with me, but he's not sure what, I've a very good poker face. Or he's realised I've noticed he likes her. And it's always him that bugs her. She actually wanted to talk to me. It just really annoys me, like I can't concentrate I just feel so angry in lessons. it's really getting to me. This one time, the annoying trainee teacher sat by him instead of me so she sat by me, He was watching us the whole time. She'd actually been looking up universities offering the specific course I want to do for me :| Aswell as finding me work experience opportunities. I was amazed she cared enough to do that. Then last week she gave me this ad for a uni specialising in my course she'd ripped fromm a magazine. Maybe I just go to a college full of self obsessed uncaring people but that really struck me as incredibly over considerate. This is exactly why it is so hard to get over her and stay over her :(So sorry this was so long I have a few questions. first, does it or did it at some point seem like the girl from college liked me or felt the same? Do you think the other girl still likes me? Do you think she was really trying to find out how i feel with that quiz and it wasn't work at all? Is it wierd that I am This enraged by that seat stealing scumbag? (it takes a lot of effort not to throw something at him or make some sort of outburst exposing how we both feel about her, and I always leave with a high blood pressure from repressing this rage) Do you think it's abnormal/over-freindly that she's been looking up places for ME and stuff? And lastly what should I do? Should I give up getting over her and spend another year longing after her hoping she breaks up with her boyfriend and then try and make a move before seat stealer? OR should I try and make ammends witht the other girl who is lovely and I do like, but just isn't college girl?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2010): It seems in our society, that people juggle their emotions in contest with "keeping up appearences". There's definitely tension between you and your girl-friend, but whether this is friendship or mutual attraction is not really known to an outside stranger such as myself. My advice to you, is to just ASK her these questions yourself (college girl).... I know this at first seems like a difficult decision, and maybe its just my personal character. But I've always found HONESTY to be a great tool, as opposed to dancing around people's feelings....
Be careful not to impose on her feelings though, just ask as though a friend would ask, in private surroundings. Rather than live your life wondering what the truth really is, the nervousness and challenge you see in just plainly asking her these questions yourself; can be overcome with relative determination. Youll rather recieve the answer youre looking for, get shut out, or by some unknown reason offend her (warning: this happens to a lot of people who are insecure about their own emotions [i dont think this sounds like your friend considering she admitted shes bisexual]).
All results are an end to your frustration in deciphering her, so ultimately I believe its worth it. In reference to choose, well really thats up to you; you sound like a level-headed girl, who do you prefer? I will say though, never settle for that other half in your life, its not fair to you, or your partner. You should absolutely adore them, and see no comparison in any other interest in your life. And if youre worried of being plain with your college friend just because she has a boyfriend- dont be! You can be honest with any person whos in their own relationship. Just tell her you like her, her boyfriend should'nt really find out. Its then up to your college friend to decide for herself who she wants to be with... It's not your responsibility.
However knowing full well shes in a relationship, you should never abuse this, and let her "cheat" on her partner; its more damage than its worth to both of you. So make sure, if she chooses YOU, that she makes a clean break with her boyfriend. Dont let her mess you around, everyone deserves happiness, no one is out of reach :) Josh.
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