A
male
age
30-35,
*uperstitionainttheway
writes:Hi, me and my girlfriend have been together for nerly 18 months and have just finished off our A-level exams. we are still young and she is very much my first love. with all the confidence i have left, i can say that for large majority of our relationship we have never been happier. we have both reguarly said across the past 18 months we believe we will go the distance.we never argue and never get sick of each other, we would see eachother of a weekend and maybe once during the week as we both have other commitments. we have never felt like we have seen too much of each other and always prioritize eachother in our diaries.however,last summer, after working away for a few days, i come home to a phone call that she wants to break up with me, reasoning be that she cant handle a boyfriend. A few weeks building up to this i notice that something isnt right and hope that it passes over. never the less this depressive trait resulted in a very emotinal break up for both of us.for the next 6 weeks i go out of my way to restricy contact between us in hope it helps me get over her, but as summer ends and the new college year starts she goes out of her way to get me back. now back together she tells me how it was the worst 6 weeks of her life, that she wishes she ignored the depression and that if it ever happened again she wouldnt let it split us up again.from then till may (10 months) we was as we were, completely in love. but now its happening all over again. over the past 6 weeks she has come to a point were she doesent call me/text me, doesent make an effort to see me or display any effection, she is even reluctant to hold my hand. i question her about it but she says she is fine, that im being too clingy, yet i no deep down i havent changed in the slightest. she rejects the idea of her dumping me again when i question her, so the awkward strained relationship continues.we have a holiday booked for 2 weeks time, coincedently the same day we broke up last year. i honestly dont no if she is waiting till we get off holiday to finish me off or if she is actually trying to hold out untill this depression goes.but the whole experience is starting to kill me inside. 6 weeks of not knowing if the person you love is about to finish you with the reluctancy to talk about it, and the knowing that its happened once before.if anyone could help me out?even if its just talking, i have trouble talking to my friends about this. does depression even happen seasonally? it seemes to much of a coincedence that it was happening this time last year.the worst part of all is it is really starting to feel like its just me that shes behaving in this way towards (as well as her family)its as if she can cover it up for her friends but when its me i just get treated like a nobody.if i could i would do anything to get through this period with our relationship in-tact.hope i havent bored you too much.
View related questions:
broke up, confidence, period Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, RB92 +, writes (6 July 2010):
The first thing you need to understand is the illness that visibly effects her life - depression. I recommend you do added research, but the disorder isn't yours or her fault. People who don't deal with it often relapse weeks, months or years after. There doesn't need to be a particular trigger in the relapse, it can often just trigger.
If she isn't receiving help already, the first thing you both need to do is go to her doctor and get her diagnosed and seen to. She may be put on medication (though be weary about this, as some people can become too dependant on them and they often make you worst at first). Councilling is generally the help that would help follow a meeting, and if she sees a good doctor they'd get you to make regular follow-up appointments.
From what you've written, I don't believe shes stopped loving/liking you. When someone has depression they sometimes push people away because they believe they're worthless and don't deserve your time. They often don't like talking about it and like to deal with it on their own. And asking her to get help if she hasn't is going to be a big thing for her. Its because of this that makes depression destroy lives - yours, hers and everyone around her who sticks around long enough to see the pain she goes through. The only real way you can sort it out is by talking to her and addressing the situation though that may take time.
Just remember that when you lose her she loses you as well, and even though she doesn't show it shes hurting just as much as you inside. If you need to message me don't hesitate too.
|
