A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi Everyone. Your help is needed - again! My partner and I split up in February after just over 4 years of being together. I have a son (12) from my previous marriage and he has two lads (13 and 17). We didn't live together so the split wasn't messy. My feelings for him changed last summer and when he was on holiday, I really didn't miss him. I told him how I felt and the relationship somehow continued until just before Christmas when we split up. He really wanted to make another go of it and we got back together in January - only to split again mid-February. I don't know what changed within me - I felt like we were just a relationship of habit and plodding along. I have always been the organiser in the relationship and suppose I felt taken for granted.Anyway, we split up in February which was my decision. Since then, he's contacted me a few times and wanted to sort things out between us.We have seen each other a few times over the last few weeks due to a mutual friend's death which was terrible and somehow made me question whether I'd done the right thing in ending the relationship. He's an honest and genuine guy and we get along great -there just seemed to be something missing - the spark, feeling special, chemistry, attraction - I don't know.We met up yesterday and he has said that his feelings for me have now changed and that at this moment, he has now got over our split and doesn't love me anymore - which means now we are both in the same situation.He does, however, still care for me greatly and still wants us to try and get back what we once had. And, to be honest - there still seems to be something left with me but I'm not sure it's enough to make the relationship a success.Has anyone else felt the same? Could it work out if we started right at the very beginning again or now that something is lost, is it lost forever?Help - as I don't know what to do for the best - there are kids involved overall and I don't want to be in this mess again in six months time if we try and make a go of things and it doesn't work out. Any help, much appreciated.Many thanks.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2007): Someone once said to me the most important factor in a relationship is the "buzz factor" - and that it should be used as a measure of whether or not that person is right for you. Plodding along, existing, etc etc is the equivalent of having a male friend. I'm not saying you should be in a frenzy of lust! (would be nice) but we all need someone in life who gives us that feeling that we can really achieve our dreams, who supports us in feeling great about ourselves and with whom we want to share great times - a passion for each other, passion for happiness and a passion for life generally. I recommend sitting down with the most impartial friend you can find and running through your feelings towards this guy. Also consider your own self esteem / worth - is settling for something that is not really that great a pattern in your life? I hope this helps.
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