A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay so my ex boyfriend and I broke up a little over a year ago. It was a mutual decision as we'd been together 5 years and were not getting along too well. At first, we cut all contact but we live in the same town so it was obvious we would see each other sooner or later.7 months passed though without us bumping into one another, until one day, we both happened to be shopping at the same time. We chatted for a little while and even went for lunch together. He told me all about his new job and I told him about what I'd been up to.Later that evening I received a text message from him, asking me to consider getting back with him but take things slowly. I said I'd think about it. I have done nothing but think about it but I can't reach a decision. It was lovely to see him but I'm not sure of my feelings. I think I still love him but not in a sexual way. I've had one sexual partner since we split and I enjoyed sex with him but I never really enjoyed it with my ex. Is that something I should consider before I make the decision of whether to get back with him? I don't have a high sex drive anyway but I want to make sure I make the right decision for both our sakes. Could my lack of sexual interest in him be a problem for our relationship further down the line if I got back with him? Thanks in advance.
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (22 April 2015):
 You can only hope that "not getting along well" was a reason for your disinterest in sex. Almost with any new partners, sex is fresh and exciting. When you've been with a person for a long time, you have higher demands and it's only when your emotional needs are met then you could open up for sex. If he's sexually functional and his testosterone levels are high, he could please you. Communication can help such as how to do better foreplay, or what your fantasies are.
It's a different problem though if you had never been attracted to him, or he's very over weight and there's no spark, not anything that communication or love can fix. You might have a low sex drive and not care but his needs are important too.
It doesn't hurt to try it with him. I think sex is important. If you don't miss sex with him that's a bad sign.
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