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Could my husband be bisexual or gay?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Gay relationships, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 December 2007) 5 Answers - (Newest, 24 December 2007)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

I'm questioning my husband as being gay/bisexual. We have three kids, have been married almost 10 years and have known each other for 20 yrs. Here are my thoughts:

opened computer to find "(user name) is currently logged in" - this was a male cruiseing site

this profile seemed to move with us having buddy in the state we came from plus here

after i asked about it the profile disappearred from the site

sex has neveer been - I just have to have you right now! - we average about once every 3 months - this has always been an issue

in 20 yrs never has done oral to me - but wants me to

very concerned about looks, clothes and appearance

I can't keep the house clean enough or picked up enough

he is always on me about something that is not right, house looks weight, kids, laundry etc

I don't want to toss our marriage and life on a hunch - but now am very concerned becasue of the site that was logged on computer

please help and give ideas

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2007):

I posted a similar response before in response to another lady's concerns.... I am a gay male that was involved with women in relationships before without cheating on them. However, the lack of oral sex being performed by me, with also having very "fem" tendencies, was a dead give away. That being said, I could've continued a lie and kept those relationships going. However, without kids and without being established, that really didn't factor into my decision to date exclusively men at his point. You guys need marital counselling and hopefully the love will keep y'all together.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (6 December 2007):

Danielepew agony auntI'm with Collaroy. All the signs are there.

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A male reader, Collaroy Australia +, writes (5 December 2007):

Collaroy agony auntHi,

sorry to say , but all the symptons are there, but it's definetely not conclusive. He could be bi-sexual, but there are a lot of men out there in marriages with kids who are closet homosexuals. If you are living in a conservative environment there is even more chance I guess , look at Larry Craig!

I guess you need to confront him, pure and simple. You have a right to know if your husband is a closet homosexual, you dont want to be another 10-20 years down the track when the kids are grown up and he then drops the bombshell. If your husband has not been upfront about his sexuality you need to know. And I'm sorry but I really don't buy the curiosity angle as an excuse for browsing Gay cruising sites. No straight man does that.

Good luck, and all the best.

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A male reader, Help me please my wife  Australia +, writes (5 December 2007):

Sorry dear he is gay

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom + , writes (5 December 2007):

kenny agony auntI don't think that him being logged on to this website is enough to say he is gay or not, maybe he is just curious maybe. Has his behaviour changed, have you noticed that he looks at guys when you are out?. Have any patterns changed like disappearing for hours on end, and staying late at work?. I do however think there are issues that you need to bring up with him, like the lack of attention he has been giving you in this marriage, and how you feel you are always clearing up the house without any help. I think its really selfish that he does not do oral on you, but expects you to do it on him. Find a good time and broach the subject with him, and while you are at it bring up about about that website he was on too, and demand a truthful answer.

All the best & good luck x

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