A
female
age
51-59,
*arlatm6
writes:Thank you for your help with my question at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-daughter-was-cheating-on-her-fiance-with.html - I appreciate it.However, the thing I was most worried about was a family feud developing between the two families - especially as my daughter's best friend's dad is still married to her best friend's mum.Isn't this just as bad - she's about to get married, but going off with a married man?As for her fiance, he is a lovely man, but he's been busy with buying salvaged cars lately, doing deals etc. that he hasn't really had time to think about the relationship. They do live together, btw.He doesn't just do salvaged cars; he's also helped my husband repair our broken 1991 Chevrolet Tracker that he imported from over the border in Canada a few years back (we live in the Midwest - the car can be legally imported into the U.S., since it's identical to the Geo Tracker and Suzuki Sidekick sold here, he told me).He helped him get it roadworthy again and it's now his daily driver, leaving me with his car!Her fiance's also helped me with the food; he likes his cookery as a hobby, and enjoys socialising.The main question is, if my daughter does continue her affair with this man (AFAIK, she is still seeing him, but I haven't asked her about it) could a family feud develop, and would there be even wider repercussions?
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affair, best friend, fiance, married man Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2013): Why should the "feud" involve entire families? Seems to me it would be stau mainly within one family and just be between the members of that family, meaning the family of your daughter's best friend. And then involving her of course. And then her fiance will be hurt but he is on his own. Maybe you are anticipating that when the truth comes out and the shit hits the fan that somehow you and your husband and everyone else in your family (your other kids? Your own parents? Your pets?) will have to take sides and you will have to take your daughter's side? Like she will ask you to back her up or her affair partner will somehow ask you to be ok with things? If so this is wrong. You don't and shouldn't take her side or anyone else's. You should just stay out of it. Frankly I don't see how this is your business. I mean I know she is your daughter but this is not about you and you shouldn't try to involve yourself in it. It seems none of the people involved have asked for your input or help so far either so just stay out of it.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (19 August 2013):
 I don't know where in the states you live but here in NC this type of situation has escalated into gun play. If your daughter doesn't knock off this nonsense then I certainly wouldn't stand too close her on the street corner.
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A
female
reader, karlatm6 +, writes (19 August 2013):
karlatm6 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your replies, ;)In regard to this post:-If I understand your previous post correctly, your husband is good friends with your daughter's friend's father. (Won't your husband be ballistic at the thought of his friend, who he trusted, bedding his daughter? Isn't this some kind of terrible violation of the "guy code"?)he's actually good friends with the daughter's fiance.As for the daughter's best friend's dad, he's known him for years (with me) but just about gets on with him; however, it's a kind of "you-can-take-it-or-leave-it" friendship.However, people in the local neighborhood are talking; our next-door neighbor said he's seen them holding hands in the local McDonald's [the best friend's dad and my daughter].
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (19 August 2013):
 Yes of course it could trigger bad relations. She needs to come clean apologize n find a way to move forward.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2013): I'm not sure what you mean by "even wider repercussions".But I can say with utmost certainty that there will be a rather nasty inter-family feud, with arguments and fingers being pointed for YEARS to come.Let's stack it all up:-Your daughter's fiance is doing everything in his power to be the good suitor, to please your daughter, you, and your husband, but his reward is that your daughter is cheating on him with a married man old enough to be his father. (Fiance is being a good sport about all this now, but won't he harbour resentment in the long term?)-Your daughter is sleeping with her best friend's father. (Won't this anger your daughter's lifelong best friend? Aren't friend's fathers off limits??)-Your daughter's best friend's father is still married and living with your daughter's best friend's mother. (This makes your daughter into a home wrecker, doubling your daughter's friend's anger and introducing another person who will be outraged, namely your daughter's friend's mother.)-If I understand your previous post correctly, your husband is good friends with your daughter's friend's father. (Won't your husband be ballistic at the thought of his friend, who he trusted, bedding his daughter? Isn't this some kind of terrible violation of the "guy code"?)How can this insane situation not degenerate into a war between your two families?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2013): I read your other question too and I swear it's almost like you're looking to create more drama than already exists.
Unless news of the affair comes out and you/your family defend your daughter and the married man she's seeing, or otherwise condone their actions, there's no reason for the other family to hate YOU. They'll think your daughter is a two-bit tramp for sure, but she's made her own bed here and according to your other post she seems perfectly content to lie in it.
The wrongdoing here is between two people, not their entire extended families. If word gets out, just make it clear that you and your husband don't approve of what has been going on and leave it at that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2013): Well your daughter and her affair partner (her friend's dad) are certainly going to wreck the lives of 3 people: (a) your daughter's fiance, (b) your daughter's friend, and (c) your daughter's friend's mom.However, I don't see why a family feud is going to develop. Your daughter will likely have a falling out with her best friend. The friend's father will likely have a falling out with his wife and his own daughter (the friend of your daughter). Of course your daughter will have a falling out with her fiance.I don't see what this has to do with you at all. You are not responsible for what your daughter chooses to do. You're certainly not responsible for what her best friend's father chooses to do.what kind of wider repercussions are you talking about? Do you mean where it affects you? I don't think so. It seems to be the people affected by this train wreck, are not you.
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