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writes: Hi, Really hoping to get some advice from you guys, as I'm feeling pretty confused.I have been with my boyfriend for a year and half now. When we first met, we fell in love straight away with so much in common. The relationship was a different feeling to anything I had ever felt; I thought he was 'the one'! After 6 months we decided to live together, his contract on his property ran out and me living alone but struggling, we decided it made financial sense. After 2 months of living together, he quit his job. He was in a stressful pressurised position and I support his decision. However, 9 months later, he is still unemployed! I am finding it very difficult. I do pay the majority of the rent and bills, he contributes but this is obviously limited. I don’t feel he is making the best efforts to find more work. Recently our relationship is suffering. I love him but miss the treats he used to get me or nights out. He does very little for me now and I can’t shake the feeling that he is completely using me. I do not ever expect continual presents from a partner but signs of affection and love are far and few between right now. I subsidise his life style with little in return. Recently he has become snappy and irritated by me and I am becoming increasing hurt by it.I understand he is going through a hard time, I want to love and support him and work at our relationship, but is my hard work worth it? Am I just setting myself up to be hurt later in life?Some advice would be appreciated.
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female
reader, valrose81  +, writes (21 November 2010):
In response to the story back in Oct. 2005.. I have to say I am in a similar situation in 2010. I have been with my boyfriend 3 years now & haven't seen much of a change so I am just now stepping back. I moved out from his dad's place after he snapped & got angry with me over something he shouldn't have. I think it's important to step outside of the bubble so you can understand what true happiness is. When you stay in it... you will only see tunnel vision with that other person who continues to weaken you. If you're not happy period.. leave the situation! Its hard when you can't imagine being with anyone else but the problems will only get worse & you being the stronger better person have way more to offer to someone deserving of it!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2008): If its not benifiting you, leave it alone. It obviously is a consistant occuring emotional problm that you are encountering. save your money, dont waste it on a man unless its your husband. I have been loved and used and let me tell you after adding up the money ive wasted on boyfriends who quit their job after dating me, its in the thousands. Your not happy if your asking help over the internet, and happiness shouldnt cost a dime, unless your alone.....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2007): Sweety, I don't answer questions on these websites, but I just read your little story and I have a 100% similiar story and I have an answer for you.
My ex boyfriend was in the same situation. The first couple months we were in love and perfect, then he lost his job and for 2 years straight he was full of promises on working and giving me his first paychecks since I've been paying all the bills and he's been promising to pay me back.... But it was all but promises...and a year later he just stopped showing love, but he was showing fake love to get me to give him money for food and let him use my car and my cell phone since his car broke down and his cell phone got shut off. If a guy seems irratable around you it means he doesn't love you or he is cheating on you...easy as that...
I really thought it was love, it IS NOT LOVE....it's his only way of financial support is to pretend to love you to keep a place to stay. He really did love you at first, but he found an easy way out of life and it's you... you treated him too good and it's your fault for being so nice. You need to know your limits on men and make them work for themselves, never feed them, never pay for their half of the bills unless it's very temporarily and they go through with their promises on paying you back all the time...
Here is my solution, I dumped him, he became suicidal but I did my best to ignore it and I had my family come and save me and help me move all my stuff out so he didn't turn so psycho. When a man becomes co-dependent for you, he will do crazy things you will regret, so be aware and have someone near you to save you when you move out.
The hard part is the heart broken feeling. It took a couple months of feeling lonely, depressed, sadness, and a lot of crying having no one in my heart. Then I realized it wasn't love, and this is the SAME SITUATION YOU ARE IN. YOU HAVE GROWN ATTACHED TO HIM, IT ISN'T LOVE. I'm sorry for typing so much but I understand what you are going through and I want the best for you since I'm such a sympathetic person.
The cure for this was I found a new boyfriend, without even looking, it just came to me the more I went out and got involved in the outside world. I then fell in love without knowing it and he is in love with me. It's been a year since we met and we are getting married this year.
Things will get better and you will find a man that will treat you good because you deserve it being the sweetheart, caring, and loving woman you are. Do the right thing and please listen to me........
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2005): Well i feel you need to talk to him and tell him exactly how you feel and the strain and pressure you are under with all this..also explain how you feel that the relationship is not seeming to give you the love and support it always use to..you need to give him a wake up call shape up or ship out.
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reader, pops +, writes (27 October 2005):
Work on helping him get a job. that means everything to him, and is the way men are taught to measure their manhood. His ability to show affection to you, and to appreciate you is compromised by his frustration and shame at not being the bread winner. This will pass when he is working again.
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