A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was wondering if my abusive past is linked to my desperate need for a baby.For as long as I can remember up until I hit 12 I was sexually abused by my biological father. I was wondering if it could be causing me to want a baby so badly.I'm only young (17) and, quite rightly, my boyfriend doesn't want kids yet but I'm literally aching for one. I didn't know if the two were linked at all and if there was anything I could do to help myself.The reason I'm wondering this is because I feel like there is something missing that I can only seem to want to fill with a baby. I wasn't sure if losing my father would have caused this. I have been to see countless counsellors, doctors, therapists and I'm not over everything that has happened. I've learnt to accept these things may take years.Any help would be great but please don't lecture me about how I can't bring up a child at a such a young age etc. I know that. That's not what I'm here for. Thanks.
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (18 May 2011):
 erm ok, so you have downgraded from a baby to a puppy? :) when i was your age i was desperate for a baby too you know, me and my boyfriend (of 4 years at the time) actually used to have unprotected sex hoping that i would get pregnant - it never happened for some reason though. we split up eventually (had been with him since i was 14 so i guess we just grew up and grew apart, and i realised that i was glad that i never got pregnant. i feel like it was probably a hormone thing in my case, the craving just left me.
i hope you get further help to overcome your past. you get one life and yours started badly coz of your (may i say) - shite of a father, but that is in the past - take control of your life from this point forward and do everything you can to make it a good one like you deserve
best wishes
xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for you help!@angelDlite - I think I want a baby for the unconditional love like @Aunty_Susie pointed out. I want something or someone in my life that depends on me that won't leave me and will never stop loving me. I think I might look into getting a puppy to cure my craving. A puppy isn't as huge as baby but can still help me maybe.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (18 May 2011):
 You crave the unconditional love that you didn't receive from your father. He destroyed that, and it doesn't matter how 'healthy' & 'accepting' you are, you will always feel that sense of loss. Having a baby will not change that, but it will, if and when the time is right, give you a new beginning, a new and different kind of love in your life.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (18 May 2011):
what is it about having your own baby that makes you yearn this way? you want someone to love you? you want to be a parent and make sure you never fail your child the way you have been? look very carefully at your reason. so yes, possibly your past could be your motivation now. the other reason could be your natural instinct to have a baby, your body getting to be the perfect age to deal physically with pregnancy, birth and child rearing. hormones play a bit part in this.but (aside from me asking you if you are financially capable and how stable is your relationship with your boyfriend and are you sure you are ready to give up your life 100% and put your child first while you are still young and have not really started living yourself yet) (lecture over!) i would advise you that if like you say you have had counselling and seen doctors to try to get over your abuse issues but you still do not feel right, then do you honestly think you are emotionally ready and strong enough to bring a child into the world? i really don't think that having a baby will cure your problems xx
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