A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This is a really weird problem that I have never experienced before. I've been with my boyfriend for a while and we have always have a healthy sex life. The other night we had sex. We had a cuddle for a while then I turned out the light. Things began to happen and he was erect again. He went to get a condom but very quicky lost his erection. I then reached for his shorts on the floor and helped him put them on. I then got into bed for a nap as I thought I would leave things and not make a big deal about him losing his erection. I turned the light out and about 5 mins later he began shuffling around. I asked him if was okay and he said he was freaked out by being in the dark especially since his friend passed away suddenly a week ago. He then left my house and we talked on the phone. He said he didn't want to have a sexual relationship for a while because his friend's death was still playing on his mind and he is now afraid to be in the dark. He said he wouldn't see me as often but would call and text each day. Now I've been dumped before and one of the ways is for one partner to gradually break off contact so I thought he was ending things. Yesterday he said he still wanted to be my boyfriend and wanted to see me but nothing sexual would happen. He said he needed time to "build himself up". I'm a bit confused by all this and I asked him if he had met someone else and he swore that he hasn't, he just needs time and wants our sexual relationship to be left to one side for now. He says he wants to talk to me everyday because it's important to him. Is he trying to end things in a non-direct way? This isn't the first time he has lost his erection.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust wanted to say thanks to you all for taking the time and effort to respond. I don't think he wants to dump me as he has been texting more than he normally does and we had a very good conversation last night. Not as a girlfriend and boyfriend but as friends and we laughed a lot which I really quite liked. I think I'll just wait and see what happens. Thanks again.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2011): Hello. Thank you for your courage to put up a problem which seems very embarrassing and worrying. His friends passing will be a contributing factor to his lack of sex drive. As his libido will have been diminished. This should become normal again as he makes his way through the acceptance stage of the grieving process. To me it seems you are scared to lose this boy, and that is a good sign. He probably just wants to put aside the sex until he has grieved for a while, BOTH of you will NOT enjoy sex if one person doesn't want it. This guy cares about his friends passing, so unless that is untrue I get the feeling that he is still into you heavily. This is demonstrated by the fact that he wants to speak to you everyday. He wants to know that you care, a foundation of relationships as I am sure you are aware. In short, give him time, check in on him. Give him a couple of weeks and ask for sexual things. He will be swayed as his grief plateaus. Good luck in the relationship. And thank you for caring and not breaking up with him straight away, from what you say, you both are exemplary human beings and seem very reasonable. Hope this helps.Steve :)
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