A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i am just out of a three year relationship with a guy my age. a week before we split i cheated on him with a 35 yr old. i am now falling very hard for this 35yr old, we;ve spent the gist of these past two weeks together and i can count on one hand the number of times i;ve stayed in MY OWN bed since i met him. i honestly thought he felt something strong for me, hence the amount of time spent together, but on monday night he kept repeating himself "i really like you" i eventually asked him why...to cut a long story short he is...(i was going to try to sum him up in a word but its rather impossible). He spends "99.5%" (a direct quote) of his time alone and basically told me that he cont stand being around any one person for a prolonged period of time; all in all he said that he will never get married and he will never have a lasting relationship, not just with me but with any woman. i said that i felt that the relationship was over before it had begun and he kept apologising yet continuing to reiterate how womderful he thinks i am..blah blah. i was supposed to meet him yesterday but i didnt, sure enough he had texted me in a roundabout way to find out why i'd not met him. its like a game of cat and mouse, my problem is that i really do like him, he is perfect for me, we compliment each other on every level, but now this. i spent all day yesterday feeling as though i was recovering from a break up. the chances are he will invite me down to his tonight and cook me dinner again...what do i do?! i cannot stand to be around him and yet hold onto hope that this was a product of his situation (he's not having the best time at the minute; mentally, financially, family and housemate problems too) myy friends are warning me away from him, they feel the age gap is too great, yet i run the risk of sounding immature as i type this.
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female
reader, Serinity  +, writes (5 March 2008):
 I would say it depends on what kind of relationship you are seeking with this guy. If it's to have a long term relationship then the answer is obvious. He's made it perfectly clear that he doesn't want a committed relationship and that he doesn't like being around the same person for long periods of time. No matter how "odd" it may seem, you should respect his feelings. At least he was honest with you and he didn't keep stringing you along for a long time. Now, if all your looking for is a fling every now and then, (and judging by your post I'd say that's not all you want from this guy)then maybe there's hope. But as far as a relationship, yes, I'd say it's over before it even got started because that's not what he's looking for. It would probably be best if you moved on before you get more attached to him. Good luck sweetie!
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (5 March 2008):
 Hi
I dont think the age gap is relivant. The fact he says he doesnt want a long term relationship is though.
I would call it a day with him, it will be a nightmare if you really do fall for him over some weeks or months, then he decides he's bored and wants to move on.
This is a time when you really do need to think ahead. He might change his mind if he falls for you, but only you can decide if its a risk worth taking.
If you have spent most nights there, thats way too fast. If he's a commitment phobe, or even likes his own space, he might well be thinking you are going to want to move too fast for him. Claustraphobic for him!
Good luck.
C xxxxx
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