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Could I be attracted to this employee?

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Question - (21 April 2010) 2 Answers - (Newest, 18 June 2010)
A female United Kingdom age , anonymous writes:

I have a terrible problem.

I am a 50 odd year old female and a manager at a very successful company.

I am quite a strict manager. I admit I can be a bit rotten to a certain few of my underlings.

I have always been terribly mean to one of my younger girls. She is the nicest girl. I admit I have been very harsh with her. But it hasn't done her any harm and she has proved to be very professional. She has been with us now 4 years (she is 24) and i have watched her grow.

Lately she has been working with me closer than ever and I find myself, staring at her and defending her more to some of my fellow managers, which of course is causing them to wonder what the hell is wrong with me. I don't think I knew myself up until a few months ago, but then it hit me like a ton of bricks. I fancy her.

Lately at her lunch times I have noticed her rushing off and last week my curiousity was so piqued that I followed her to the Deli I know she likes going to and saw her with one of my male underlings and they looked very close. I felt awfully jealous and when they both returned I admit I turned a bit mad. I gave him more work and was more snappish with her.

She hasn't really been speaking to me since I turned snappish, (she is ever mindful of my authority and never oversteps the mark, so she hasn't been answering me back) and I told myself I didnt care. But I do care. Then yesterday I found out nothing was going on and I felt stupid for being so jealous.

I am not a lesbian, or at least I don't think I am and she seems heterosexual too. So I don't know what to do. I cannot keep snapping at her. She obviously already realises there is something wrong. But I also don't want to tell her what is wrong just in case, well in case of rejection. Or maybe it is a passing fancy on my part.

Either way. What can i do? It is driving me round the bend keeping it to myself and I can hardly confide in my fellow managers or my husband and I am more or less so into my job that I haven't friends I can confide in either. And so I turn to you. Any advice is much appreciated.

Thank you in advance.

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A female reader, inuyasha12 United States +, writes (18 June 2010):

if you ask me, you seem really in to this girl if you followed her in to a restraunt. but i dont think its exeptible to cheat on your husband anywhere in the world. my advice is to lay low for a wile untile you know if she likes you to. but in the mean time try to fall back in love with your husband.

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A male reader, DwayneC United States +, writes (22 April 2010):

DwayneC agony auntTo be quite honest with you. The jealousy, the following, the snappy retaliation and also the relief would lead you and anyone else to believe its more than a fancy. The only other thing you can even consider it being is you see her as a daughter of some sort and wish to be protective but it doesn't quite fit with the other actions. I do think you should back up a little. See if that changes your feelings toward her and try to be on someone else's case. If you feel that you miss her afterward then you might need to ask yourself more about what you're feeling. And find some type of solution..whatever it may be.

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