A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice and help! I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 4 years now, we have a little three year old boy- as you can figure this happened soon after we met and we decided to do this together. He is a great father. We lived in south africa and he eventually wanted to come back to australia where he is originally from. Now our relationship has been up and down, but we are still here. We have a non existent sex life ever since i was about 6 months pregnant, its done almost like its time and has to be done now, maybe once every two months and usually "over n done with" no lights no passion. I dont bother initiating things as i know i will be joked off or belittled. I have considered that he could be gay but he came over for six months before i joined him in aus and he had an "affair" with another woman. I know he's not cheating now as he goes to work and comes home and never goes out drinking with friends as we dont know many ppl here yet. He's become obsessed with gym and jui jitsu and i feel like i get no time to do anything for myself. (he gyms at work and jui jitsu on saturdays) I do majority of the housework and routine with my son and cook every night and still work full time. He's always on the laptop browsing the internet. Everything about him annoys me i feel like he is really selfish. Anything he says or does annoys me. I dont know anyone to be friends with as i dont work in an office where i can meet ppl. Ive sold everything in south africa so will struggle if i go back and my som will not have all the opportunities and safety as he has here. I dont know what to do any suggestions?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2013): Thank you Abella for all that info! This is amazing im going to look into that.
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (30 March 2013):
 Yea his priorities need to change since he has a family. That is selfish. He needs to compromise with u on gym time.
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (30 March 2013):
 Post script
Did a bit more reading up on partial centerlink payment options.
I do know that you said you work full time too.
However even if you work, depending on your earnings, you may be eleigible for a part-payment of the Centerlink payment, in proportion to your current salary.
Obviously if your income is very high you would not be eligible for any Centerlink payment at all
But while your child is still very young and since Child care can be very expensive you might even want to investigate if going part time at work is to your advantage, so that you can access reduced charges on so many things.
If this would be to your advantage then you could still access a partial Centerlink payment.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (30 March 2013):
I imagine you have already done everything to talk to him about this but that he no longer wants to listen. This is not a good situation for you or your son.
May be suggest some Couples Counselling.
Try to determine if he has a health issue, like depression, and get him treatment. He may have some serious issues that he does not feel able to discuss with you.
But if his health is not the issue
And you have tried to get him to attend Couples Counselling.
And he remains disinterested in you sexually then the chance of this relationship succeeeding seem to be ebbing away by the minute. You admit that you are feeling less and less positive about him so that does not auger well for the future of the relationship.
Your son though does deserve to still see and get to know his father.
If you feel all is lost then do NOT threaten to leave.
If you have done your very best to make this work and he remains unresponsive then you just need to quietly go about the business of preparing to leave without announcing this and without making it into a drama.
Protect your rights first.
Because he may just be a selfish man or a depressed man or the novelty of being a partner and a father may have worn off
Could you establish some contact with any expats from your country who are in Australia already? They may have some members who can give you good advice on your options.
Expat advice
http://www.expat-blog.com/en/nationalities/south-african/in/oceania/australia/
I think you need to establish that you do have rights first.
Your rights if you leave
http://www.ncsmc.org.au/wsas/legal_system/separation.htm
And find out what are the legalities of you becoming a citizen to make it easier for you to stay.
You are in a Domestic partner relationship and you have a child together so you do have strong rights to be supported by your partner, in the circumstances.
Visit or phone the FamilyCourt in your state. They may have some brochures that will put you on the right path to protect your rights.
You are in a “domestic partner” relationship with your guy but if you need to live independantly with your child then you will need an income source over and above anything your guy contributes towards your domestic expenses.
In Australia this is paid to you by Centerlink. The amounts are below (take from the internet site, so I presume they are current)
In Australia Income payable by Centerlink is as musch as the possible amounts listed below and paid per fortnight if you are a single parent:
http://www.humanservices.gov.au/customer/enablers/centrelink/parenting-payment/income-and-assets-tests
The amount of Parenting Payment you get depends on your situation. If you are single, the maximum fortnightly payment is $683.50, which includes the Pension Supplement basic amount.
Plus there is an additional amount payable if you have a child.
You may be paid a Pharmaceutical Allowance automatically if you are eligible.
Rental assistance is an additional amount you could be eligible to receive as well.
And the Family Court rules apply to you even if the relationship lasted for less than two years if you have a child together. And even if you are not married.
So you should ensure that a Property Settlement is fully documented by the Family Court. They have the forms you need to fill out. Don't just rely on a verbal promise. You need to protect your son't future.
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A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (30 March 2013):
 What do you get from being in a relationship with him? Could you manage financially on your own? Do you go out to play groups or other mother and child groups where you can meet other mums?
It sounds like you are just parents together not lovers or even friends.
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