A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:i have been seeing this man for 22 months now. everyone turned their back on him even his girlfriend she put him out of their house. he moved in with me 3 months ago i was by his side the whole time i met his family,friends and he told them that i was his girlfriend. to make this short now that he is looking good,healthy,strong his ex sees him they have lunch, then call each other everyday. four days ago he moves in with his mother saying he needs to get his thoughts together. he tells me that all we had between us was lust for 22 months,that i am his best friend, his friends with benefits. he told me that he stay the weekends here with me and two days a week i am close to his job. but he stays the week end with his ex he says that they will never get back together again so why is he staying there. this hurts me because i was the only one that was there for him and i get kicked to the curb. we never fought we get along very well together. is it possible to lust after someone for almost 2 years? could he love her and love me but can't choose. he still makes plans to go out to dinner,movies etc with me. i need advice
View related questions:
best friend, friend with benefits, get back together, his ex, moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): Hello, I agree with Irish and I'm also sending you a big cyber hug. I really do feel for you. He has been weak and selfish. He can't be allowed to continue in this vein - he is taking the piss! All you can do is be honest with him about how you feel and then let him know that your life goes on with or without him. He can't continue to have both of you - you deserve better. And as for him, I am not a vindictive person but I believe in the saying 'what goes around comes around' and 'treat other people as you would wish to be treated yourself' and this is going to come back and sting him hard in the butt! Irish below has said it all beautifully. It's not your fault, you got with him with a good heart and I don't know if it's any comfort but plenty of women have been there. Do as Irish says and don't go for men on the rebound. Be strong. Good luck and take care of yourself. All the best xx
A
male
reader, boynxdoor  +, writes (26 February 2008):
 What a pitty on you but All you need to do is stand for yourself and kicked him out of your life. after all He said and admitting that it was only a lust. He shouldn't be seeing you anymore, he's just using You. If you can do what I'm trying to say, maybe but I'm not sure, he will then realize one day how he let someone past by without keeping it for good. But I hope before this things happen you have move on already and have your own love. A guy who really deserve what you can offer.
...............................
A
female
reader, speedcat +, writes (26 February 2008):
Sorry thats awfull! You were there for him when he was down now he splits. You also say he looks healthy now, was he doing drugs? He obviously does not care for you in the same manner you care for him. Dont allow him to take advantage of your kindness anymore, sounds like hes done that enough! He will only do what you allow him to! Is it possible to love two people? Well I think in different ways though, there is that IN LOVE and then theres love. He might love you for the wonderful person you are, but that shouldnt be enough for you,, dont you want someone whos also in love with you? that kinda love that makes you act like a kid again? Girl put your foot down now its your turn to rid of him let someother sucker pick him back up!!!!! find someone who will care for you! good luck.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2008): Oh gosh, I feel for you...really I do. He came into your life on the rebound from a woman he has always loved. in the first place. He should've never have done that. to you. Having you in his life makes it possible to endure his life, without this woman. It sounds like you became his crutch...his coping mechanism.
Listen, hun...he has a right to tell you, he needs to get his thoughts together, he has the right to love anyone he wants but he didn't have the right to use you until he recovered. And he didn't have the right to make you believe he loved only you, only to demote you down to "'friends with benefits', especially after you helped him through a hurtful time of his life. So now, you need to be more wary in the future.
This is truly a painful time for you (hugs) and one that can't be resolved by wishing away this other woman No matter how much much your ex bf tells you he values you just as a friend, the fact is...he's moved on. I suggest you let him go for good, and allow yourself a healing period. This will be hard. It's deeply hurting you to be around him...seeing him will juts continue to be a painful reminder that "he's with her and not you, anymore". Only time can help get strong emotions into perspective. You can't fall out of love with someone overnight, after all, you need to grieve for this lost love. It's easy to become withdrawn from everyday life when you love someone who doesn't feel the same way, but it's vital that you get out and fill your time constructively.
Surround yourself with wonderfully, good kind friends, and lean on them to help regain control. Talking will help get things in perspective, but if that makes you feel uncomfortable then just time spent having a laugh in their company can remind you that there's more fun to be had, being a vibrant single, independent woman and a free agent. Hold out for a man who cherishes you...hun. Just don't go for the guy who's on the rebound. You truely deserved better than this...now you have to work hard to believing that! Take care and best wishes
...............................
|
