A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Is it possible that this guy used me for sex even though we only had sex 7 times with month gaps inbetween?We were dating for 5 months and he made up a lame excuse about not thinking I cared about him and everyone tells he must have used me for the sex; but we only had it 7 times?Would it be worth it? What do you guys think? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, katiekate  +, writes (3 March 2013):
 Probably. Don't give it up so soon next time. Any guy who is truly interested in you will wait. Anyone who intends on using you for sex will get tired of waiting and will quickly move on. Then you will have your answer, and you wouldn't have sacrificed your pride or integrity in the process.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (3 March 2013):
Hi there. When you say you only had sex with this guy, 7 times with month long gaps in between each time, are you saying that in that month long gap each time, you didn't see each other at all?
And that it went on for about 5 months.
And if that is what you mean, well then it seems that he only asked to see you when he felt like sex.
Because, if it was a real relationship, well then you would have been seeing each other every week - with no gaps - and he would be taking you out and spending some money on you as well.
From what you have said here, it doesn't sound like it happened that way.
One month gaps in between when you saw each other, seems to point towards the fact that during that month, you didn't see each other at all.
If a guy really liked a girl, he would be wanting to see her all the time - not once every 4 weeks, surely!
Don't you believe you deserve better than that?
Of course you do.
If you had gotten into the habit of always saying yes each time he called you, well then it sounds like a good idea from now on, to start saying no more often.
And as it seems that you are no longer seeing this guy, well in future when you meet someone else, don't let it be that the only time you see each other is to have sex.
You will recognise this type of relationship in future by looking for the following things happening on a regular basis.
(1) When a guy calls you to see you - you say yes - he comes over and takes you back to his place, you have sex and then he takes you back home again.
(2) A guy calls you to see you - he never takes you out anywhere. It's just sex, and then he's gone.
(3) Doesn't call you just to say hi and ask how you are.
(4) Isn't really all that interested in you as a person, nor is he interested in your life.
(5) Just gets it over with, and then he's gone again - till who knows when?
(6) Just doesn't really care about anyone but himself.
(7) Doesn't buy you gifts for no reason.
(8) Is nice to you at first - to get you to say yes - then is gone, once it is over.
(9) Will say over the phone whatever he thinks you want to hear, just to get you to say yes to seeing him.
(10) This goes on for several months - just as long as you keep saying yes - but it never turns into a real relationship, because there is no commitment by him.
(11) Doesn't take you to meet his family.
(12) Doesn't take you to any important times of the year - such as Christmas, Easter etc.
And needless to say, many other things as well.
Over time, you begin to see a pattern forming, and showing no indication of changing anytime soon.
If nothing else, consider it to be a valuable life lesson.
And a lesson you can learn from, when it comes to any future relationships.
The relationship seems to have been of much more value to you than it ever was to him, unfortunately.
You deserve much better than that.
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A
female
reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (2 March 2013):
 Right I have a friend like this wants to be free but wants to keep near. I do what I want when I want he be trying to stunt on me but I was thinking he dont mind that I use him to its a mutual aggreement fair exchange I have a need he had a need we meet up when its time and thats it. He contacts me only when he wants some play and I do the same he is my 1st fwb but when I find a.better sutter or boyfriend I would will not bother with him. That s a part of life. We are grown at times its not about using its about a need and quality that he and I had and it felt good. I wasnt just a squirrel trying to get a nut. Its human nature to want good love and affection plus he good looking and nice to me. I am the same with him so we have.a.attraction in all honesty I like that I can call him and get a need satisfied. Plus I want my freedom cause I have always been ball and chained to mommy dearest then to prince lo so he is a happy medium at the time. I don't think ypu should let other people in your business cause people was saying that about me.and him but oh well let me find out. I still wanted to see him sometimes people dont.want to see you happy or even getting along with anyone. Misery live company.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (2 March 2013):
 Not enough info to say for sure.
Truth is, you dated for 5 months. Did you go out on dates? Did he call you his girlfriend? Did he introduce you as his girlfriend? Were you only with each other?
7 times in 5 months is not enough to say you were being used for sex. My gut would tell me it was a real relationship, just not a good one.
If you were just being used for sex, he would come over, have his way with you then leave. Most likely he wouldn't have stuck round for 5 months with only having sex every 3 weeks.
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A
female
reader, lovehurts818  +, writes (2 March 2013):
 I think he just wants his freedom to do what he wants and is trying to keep you at arms length. Personally I don't get with a man unless he'a deep in love and would do anything for me. I have a lot of pride and if I was in your situation I would definitely feel used. Why is everything on is terms???? I say the next time he wants you to diss him. You deserve better than that.Everything should be equal. he knows what he's doing, and if he thought you never cared he would try even harder to be close to you if he actually cared, he just contradicted himself!!!
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