A
female
age
30-35,
*ichelle003
writes:I had been harboring a crush on a guy in my college for the past one and a half year. I'd always catch him staring at me (he never looks away and confidently stares back into my eyes) with a piercing, intense stare (not in a lecherous way), he'd always grin at me, trying to initiate conversation with me, sharing a LOT of sexual-jokes with me, and twice I've even caught him blushing at me (while staring at me!). I've never seen him behave like this with any other girl. Eventually I developed a crush on him not only because he was cute but also because of his personality and behavior around me. Like they say, you will always like people who like you back. Anyway someone advised me to directly ask him whether he was interested in me, rather than waiting around, playing guessing-games. Mind you, this is one and a half year later that I decided to ask him. I asked him yesterday whether I had misinterpreted him all this time "or was there something between us?" and he replied back saying that I had misinterpreted him (a sad expression flashed across his face when he said that, almost as-if he looked like he was sorry for me or something), he only liked me as a friend, it was only for friendship that he was being so nice to me and that he wasn't interested in me like that. During the conversation I never once mentioned that I liked him and that I had a crush on him. I only told him that "I always had a lingering doubt in my head for the past one and half year regarding you, and there were many moments where I wondered whether you were interested in me or something. Was it my imagination or was there something between us? Did I misinterpret your behavior all this time? It never occurred to me to ask you. That idea never struck me until a couple of months back, but then the moment never seemed right and our exams came up so we were busy with that. And then yesterday afternoon when I was waiting in the college for a friend of mine and I saw you in the crowd, I remembered that question and I thought to my self why don't I clarify my doubt with you once and for all". Now I'm really confused...I even found out that he might have gotten back with his ex-girlfriend (apparently some months back. I don't know why they broke up or that he even had a girlfriend). I found out about it on the same day that I asked him, from someone else (something that he never even once mentioned to me during the conversation. I had to find out about it through someone else!). So my question to you guys is this: do guys reject girls who they may have liked (or do like) for reasons other than "I was just being friendly. You misinterpreted me.". Could it be that my gut-instinct was IN FACT right in that he really did like me and was hitting on me and that I was NOT misinterpreting his behavior and body-language around me for the past one and a half-year, but the reason I got turned down was because I waited for one and a half year to make a move on him, so he has now lost his interest in me? Not to mention the fact that he has girlfriend? Of course I have no interest in dating someone who has a girlfriend, now that I know he does, although I do find it strange that he never once said "Hey and by the way, I'm seeing someone else!". Could it be that he lied to me when he said that he only sees me as a friend even though he was in fact attracted to me but for whatever personal reasons he does not want to convey that to me, raise my expectations and encourage something more than friendship between us?Don't worry, I will move on (I already am). I know rejection is as much a part of the dating-game as acceptance, which is why I was willing to make a move on him at the risk of being rejected. But I would appreciate it if people (mostly the guys on this site) could give me a little insight into the male-perspective on this situation. :-)And please refrain from giving me some age-old, sexist-advice about the fact that because I'm a woman, I shouldn't have made the first move. And lets not forget that I took more than a year's time to come out in the open and make the first move! That is a very LONG time. I have waited long enough! I do not and will not cater to that sexist belief that men are the chasers and the women should be chased.
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broke up, crush, ex girlfriend, has a girlfriend, his ex, move on, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, michelle003 +, writes (30 September 2011):
michelle003 is verified as being by the original poster of the question@CindyCares Thanks. That was helpful. You are most probably right. Like I said, I'm already moving on. No point in continuing to pine over someone who was most probably never REALLY interested in me.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 September 2011):
 You asked for male opinioions and I am a woman, but I guess for the moment I will do.
It's impossible to read minds and to be certain about somebody's motivations, so the best we can do is looking at the person s ACTIONS , which will mirror reality with reasonable closeness ( unless he is schizofrenic ). So, no, he did not lie, maybe he had moments of interests , or curiosity, at the beginning, but it can't have been a full blown attraction. You describe him as confident and outgoing, so in 18 months he would not have had a problem in making some sort of a move on you, even without your encoragement, Plus, he did get a girlfriend, so we should assume he was into her, not you.
There are people who are naturally friendly and outgoing and their behavour may be misinterpreted, there are also people that are natural flirts, or just.. they like to be liked . Also, remember that finding someone cute or attractive does not mean you want to have anything more relationship-y with them. Maybe he stared at you because you are good to look at, nothing else. So by bringing up the subject , you may have embarassed him, because he realized you did have expectations about him, - that 's sort of awkward and probably that's why he could not stare you straight in your eyes.
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A
female
reader, michelle003 +, writes (29 September 2011):
michelle003 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIs no one going to answer my question?
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A
female
reader, michelle003 +, writes (17 September 2011):
michelle003 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI also forgot to add that for some strange reason, he did not look me in the eye during the entire conversation. He was either looking down when I was explaining or looking up when he had something to say. Not once did he look me in the eye. I consider that to be strange mainly because this is the same guy who had no problem for the past one and a half year staring at me in class and if I caught his eye, he would not look away but continue to hold my eye contact and stare intensely into my eyes, with a piercing stare. I have lost count of the number of times he has done that over the span of this past one and a half year. We have shifted to different classes now for the past three months, so I don't get to see him often.
Also I noticed that he had once posted an old status-update on his Facebook wall (sometime last December). It goes something like this "A girl has to be your friend before she becomes your 'girlfriend'". In response to that status-update one of his friends had posted a comment stating that if "You followed that theory the girl might just end up making you her best-man at her wedding, so be careful what you wish for." And he replied back stating that you shouldn't be her friend for so long that you end up as Best friends, but long enough to get to know her.
I know people can post any nonsense on their Facebook walls, but I feel this status update of his is significant because it reveals how he perceives romance/sexual-relationships in general.
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