A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im in a really difficult situation at the moment. There is currently 3 women in my life. At this point you might be thinking right what a ba***rd an ye maybe i am. I have been engaged for 3 and a half years to a very money driven career woman. Shes a nice person who is determind to be a teacher. But these days has little time for me. Our relationship has been on the rocks for 2 and a half years ever since i had a breakdown. 12 months ago i met a girl who was seeing someone at the time she had lots of problems with her love life and i offered a friendly ear. We became very close over the months and we kissed a few times and were kind of dating but i haven't slept with her and wont. Were just really good friends i d love her very much but in a very different way to my partner.Last summer i had a break with my partner we had a cooling off period for about a week in this time i spent time with this other girl and we did everything bar sex. I told my partner and we got over it i still see this girl but were not as close my partner also knows about me still seeing her. In the summer i employed a female friend of mine to work for me in my flat. She was to clean the flat and iron do washing and so on. I paid her well by the hour and the setup worked well. She also started helping me get through my depression and manic phases (i suffer with bipolar) she was bacily caring for me and so we talked and she became my carer. a week before christmass we went out for a christmass drink. we drank a cupple of bottles of wine and ended up back at mine in bed. We had amazing sex and then she left for her christmass holiday. I do care about this girl very much and she made it very clear to me that if i wanted a repeat then i would need to end my relationship with my partner. I would also need to end my friendship with my best friend who i am very close with. somethinf that should be taken into consideration is that my partner for some time now has been seeing another girl she has slept with her in fact they used my bed. Under the sercimstansis i thought it was best for me to allow it. Now this is all very complicated i did try to leave my partner but i was emotinally blackmailed into not leaving her and as i do really care about her i decided to stay. I dont know how much she know's but i know she knows alot about what is going on. What i am asking is if my partner is seeing someoen else does that make it ok for me to do the same. I mean we do love each other and we do care about each other could it work having a four or even five way relationship. Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Xolani  +, writes (28 December 2009):
 You don't love her enough if you can still bring another person in the relationship. To be enganged for 3 years shows there is a problem, so i suggest you to be honest with yourself do some soul searching. Be with the person you trully love only one.. To bring number 4 into the picture is not the solution. Two wrongs never make a right....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2009): Well, can you practically sustain in? Would you be able to remember so many birthdays and anniversaries? Do you have a job? Do you hope to have one? Is there no life except relationships based on sex? By a simple process of elimination you'd find out who'll put up with this.. the girl you slept with before Christmas will not. So she is out.The second girl, who is your friend, you say you won't sleep with... So she is only a friend. Not a part of this set up in your head. The third girl whom you met during vacation is not someone you are close to... So she is only a complicating factor rather than someone you base decisions around. What you are left with is your partner, who is seeing someone else. You already say that you tried to leave your partner. But were "emotionally blackmailed" into not leaving. That sounds like a passive statement. You both seem to have jumped into a commitment very young and are obviously straining at it. I'd just look at that one relationship and decide whether I want it or not, regardless of other girls. Once you have sorted the mess with your partner you can think about a relationship or a three four way anything. You are thinking of trying polygamy to avoid making a decision not because you believe in it...
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