A
male
age
41-50,
*arvath
writes:hi my name is sarvath and im 31 years old still single well my issue is well i had and still have so many boyfriends but i want a female friend with whom i can share my feelings well now i do have one as we speak on phone.the problem is that i dont no what to speak and how to continue this relationship well i do speak basics things like how is she doin how was her day and genral things like this and after that we both would go dumb as even she goes out of topic and answers straight to the question.plzz help me out what am i to speak to her so that even she woulnt feel pathetic bout me even she should feel easy and interesting to spen time with me and i really dont want to loose this new friend of mine plzz do help me out on this Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, sarvath +, writes (10 September 2009):
sarvath is verified as being by the original poster of the question welll thanks GinsengMeow",i really needed this i will suerly try this out but still u no the problem is that she doin her collage and me into buisness as we both r from diffrent professions and toomuch age gap i wont be knowing wat else to chat if as she will be bored if i chat bout my buisness and she is not a big chatter u no so im quite confused
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2009): Mmm, know any felines that enjoy peanut butter sandwiches? ^o^-----What keeps a conversation going is how each person connects at the median and how willing each person wants to share, given an interest on common things with a little compromise. I'll give you an example of a chat between a friend and myself. However, if you would like to skip it for the summary, skip to it below.-----Me: Hi, have a few minutes to talk? (this usually turns out to be two or three hours)Spongey: Yes of course!Me: I got your message over the weekend. Sorry I could not respond right away. I was very stressed out with the three new projects I am doing right now. Spongey: That's okay. I know you're always stressed out. What projects are you working on?Me: X (explain what X is), Y (explain) and Z (explain). As you can see, they all came in at the same time. It's driving me quite insane. I even skipped last weekend's long distance ride with my team. Spongey: Oh no! The crew can't ride without the captain! Me: Yeah, I know, but I was way too tired mentally and physically with the insomnia and stress. Spongey: You should ask your special friend to give you a massage. ^_~Me: (ignores her comment, which she later will bring up again no doubt) So anyway, how has your last two weeks been? How was the honeymoon? Did B do anything to anger you again?(conversation continues)-=-=-Every conversation has an initiation factor. You offer a bit yourself to your contact and expand on that with either questions of your own or further stories that extend that initial story. If she takes a particular interest, she will comment on it or ask questions. If she comments on it, you can agree and continue the story or disagree and ask questions. If she doesn't comment on it, it means she could be tired, uninterested, unsure how to respond or she is still listening.If she is tired, then simply let her go. If she is uninterested, you can switch the topic to something that is closer to what she likes or turn the table and put the spotlight on her. If he is unsure how to respond, you can move onto questions for her that would help further the topic as well as include her own thoughts and interests. Me: When are you free next?Spongey: Hmmm, not until I'm done marking these exams. Probably next Wednesday. Are you working Wednesday?Me: Unfortunately, I am at my client's Monday to Thursday, 11am to 6pm. The evening on Wed looks gloomy. How about Friday?Spongey: Friday seems good. I'm free after 2pm. What do you have in mind?Me: A light snack, followed by a ride around Ditchmond and then a dinner on me. What say you?Spongey: B is jealous that I'm spending time alone with you. He asked me if he could come along.Me: (laughs) Of course he is welcome to. That just means I have to dilute my usualness when solely in your company.Spongey: (talks about B's insecurities, his actions, some of the recent happenings to do with him)Me: (gives her perspective, question her thoughts and feelings, give her further perspective)Spongey: You don't mind if I bring him along do you?Me: Don't be silly. Now that he is married to you, he is as much a brother to me as you are my sister.-----Conversation is 'dance'. If one or both of you are not skilled in it, then surely, a few stumbles will ensue. However, the more 'skillful' one would often move in such a way to help 'teach' or 'redirect' the movements of the partner. Generate interest by involving her in your thoughts and words. Interact with her, reflect and connect your experiences with hers. Offer yourself as a canvas and her as the paint brush. Add your own touch of colour, shape, form, flow.Get to know her. Understand how she works. What interests her? What does she despise? Who does she know that you know? What has she done that you can relate to? How is she feeling? At the same time, who are you? What do you do? What have you done? What would you like to do?A conversation can last ten seconds or up to ten hours, as I had done over the phone with a former love interest that turned into a lover. Imagine it in your mind. Follow through with your words. Brush up on your knowledge. Read more. Do more. Give grounds to initiate interest. ^o^
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