A
male
age
51-59,
*rvhappy
writes:I'm confused.Recently, an ex g/f came up as a "do you know this person" on my Friends Reunited page.She and I had a very loving realationship 30 yrs ago..the break up was hard on both of us.We were best friends before and during our realtionship..but after it ended, I couldnt talk to her...as I felt awkward.We broke up due to my dad...He wanted straight A's in my "A" Levels so I was banned from going out in my final yr...apart from school/work and family outings, he wanted me to study and not be distracted by my friends.Unfortunately I met "Sally". (Not her real name) I will call myself Ben. Sally is English...I am Asian. Even before we dated, we had this connection....I'd think of her and mins later she would walk into the store that we worked in on a Saturday...other things too would happen..I would sense some-one looking @ me..look around..and there she'd be looking or she'd just looked up. Her smile always melted me.Times were tough in the realtionship...we were very happy when we were together... and every one would tell us what a lovely/beautiful couple we made...but eventually it had to end as I couldnt see her as much as we wanted due to my impending A Levels. Sally wass 18 months younger than me and she wanted to be a Dr.After we split//I went to Uni...and was invited through mutual friends to her 18 Bday party. She was surprised and happy to see me..and @ one point even put her arms around my waist and whispered how happy the surprise visit had made her!!. She was dating someone else at the time.After I graduated, I bumped into Sallys father..and was told to call her. I did..suggest that we meet for a coffee as we both worked in London..but she declined as she was in a realtionship.Over the yrs I have had other realtionships..but every now and then I'd think of Sally for no reason..no triggers...as though there was an issue in her life. I always ignored this.About 3 weeks ago I had another strange feeling about ~Sally....and a few days later I saw her name on my list of pottential friends. I dont understand how this happened as we didnt go to the same School/Uni/College. There was no link between us on this site ..no mutual friends etc.So I contacted her..and she responed..telling me that she had been thinking about the good times we had @ the Sat job (the good times were only b4 and after we dated..as we couldnt face each other after)..asked if I still lived in the same town/q's about a mutual friend. She signed offf with a "X"I answered her q's and asked if she still lived in the area and if parents were ok. I too signed off with a "x"..was just being polite. I also sent her an invite to be a friend.She hasnt replied ot my mail but has accepted me as a friend and has uploaded a couple of photos of hereself..then and now.This has confused me.. I was a bit slow before we got together in her subtle comments..to ask her out etc..She is now married with 3 kids..and I am in a realtionship...so I know we cant turn the clock back 30 yrs..but I appear to be getting mixed signals!!I would love to see her and say Thanks for her love and support and to make sure that she and her family are ok...but..she hasnt replied..so I dont know what to do. All my male friends say one thing (she wants you to get in touch) But most women that I ask are nto sureHELP..its causing probs with my current realtionship as I have been a bit distant from my partner since this started..Sally has ressurrected all thise feelind again!!HELP HELP
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male
reader, mrvhappy +, writes (29 June 2010):
mrvhappy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi,
If she is miserable in her marriage and wont leave until the kids r old enough (which I suspect) I would offer her the same support she gave me all those yrs ago when I was going through a tough time with my father. Without expecting anything in return
But there would not be any physical realtionship.. I couldnt do anything like that if shes married.
I sont be waiting around for her if thats what you think..like I said I have people to meet...
Thanks for yr comments/concerns..they are much appreciated.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (29 June 2010):
 I think you are still leading with your chin here. Suppose you find out she is totally miserable in her marriage (and because of her children she won't divorce) but would like you to fill the void. What would you do then?
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A
male
reader, mrvhappy +, writes (29 June 2010):
mrvhappy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi,
Thanks for your comments.
I disagree with you. Sally's relationship with her husband is of interest to me as I need to know where I stand if we are going to be friends. I wont enter into a realtionship with her whilst she's married.
My Network of friends are already trying to introduce me to pottential suitable partners now they know that I am single.
I need to know why has she come looking for me after all these yrs. She told me a lot of things on our meeting which shocked me.
1) She travlled around India - this is a very unsual thing for a young English woman to do even back then
2) She learn/taught Yoga - again was very unusal at the time.
3)She called her son "Ben" ...she knew that that name that has a great deal of significance for me!!
4) She looked me up on Friends Reunited and Facebook.
5) She asked me about my job..employed or contracting..she obvilously did her research (google my name and my Co details came up) as I have my own Co..even though I work for a International Consultancy
6) Sally seemed to long for the past..most of the time when she was with me. Is this the actions of a happily married woman?
7)Sally is an intelligent woman. she would have know the consequences of contacting me and where that could lead
8) She told me that she was studying for a Dr, not a qualifications that she needs. She has a hectic job and kids..doesnt sound like a happy woman!!
When we met her from what she told me, there appeared to be a great deal of saddness in her past. I had sensed this before I had any contact with her.
During the meeting I sense that once we had got over the inital shock of the time apart, that she still liked me and regreted our parting all those yrs ago. She suggested meeting up again SOON. I agreed
Even though she has awoken some very happy memories, and seeing her again was fantastic, I wont be jumping into a realtionship with her.I need to claify a number of issues.
Thanks for reading this. and please dont judge me by your standards.... I am NOT looking to jump into bed with her or do anything that could lead to a divorce for her. I love and respect her too much to ever hurt her.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (28 June 2010):
Her relationship with her husband is none of your business. I think, happily married or not, you want to get involved with her which would be a very very bad decision. You've caught up on old times, leave her alone.
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A
male
reader, mrvhappy +, writes (28 June 2010):
mrvhappy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi,
I'm not messing with her..I may never see her again....will meet her again if she contacts me again and find out whats going on.
I wanted to ask her on the nite but we were too busy chatting/getting to know each others lives over the last 30 yrs as alot has gone on.
All I can say is that we made constant eye contact and we were as natural with each other as we were back then!! The Chemistry/affection appeared to be still there :(.
Sally was very interested in me/my lifestyle etc. We chatted mainly about her wk and I gave her some good ideas about her new job.
If we meet again, I HAVE to ask the diffcult q about her hubby & their relationship. As I said b4 she didnt really speak about him with any real affection. I m sure she knows that Q will becoming.
I dont want to get into a relationship with a married woman!!
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A
male
reader, mrvhappy +, writes (28 June 2010):
mrvhappy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi,
I'm not messing with her..I may never see her again....will meet her again if she contacts me again and find out whats going on.
I wanted to ask her on the nite but we were too busy chatting/getting to know each others lives over the last 30 yrs as alot has gone on.
All I can say is that we made constant eye contact and we were as natural with each other as we were back then!! The Chemistry/affection appeared to be still there :(.
Sally was very interested in me/my lifestyle etc. We chatted mainly about her wk and I gave her some good ideas about her new job.
If we meet again, I HAVE to ask the diffcult q about her hubby & their relationship. As I said b4 she didnt really speak about him with any real affection. I m sure she knows that Q will becoming.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (28 June 2010):
All I have to say is that, for someone who never messes with a married woman, you are into up to your knees bucko.
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A
male
reader, mrvhappy +, writes (28 June 2010):
mrvhappy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUPDATE
You might wanna get more coffee/sick bucket...lol
I called Sally @ suggested time to confirm meet up but she didnt pick up...I thought she'd got cold feet.....so I left it.
She called me back approx 1 hr later and apologised ..she was in a meeting....and then told me she was looking forward to seeing me!!
Anyway...finally met up in Cafe Rouge...looked around and as I walked into empty bar....saw her...suddenly her face lite up like Xmas tree :)...& she said "hi..OMG I still recoginse that lovely face..you've hardly changed...".... as I approached table and we kissed on both cheeks and held each others hand momentarily!! She still looked lovely...and was nice person too.
We got a drink chatted for ages about various things...I had suggested getting bite to eat earlier that day...but she said she wasnt sure...was gonna eat wth family before she came....She asked my why I was single/not married.. Thought you would have been snapped up yrs ago.." was her comment!! ...(she'd asked me that the nite b4)...I gave her honest ans. We chatted about everything and didnt take our eyes of each other!!...OMG it was like going back 30 yrs!!
Later that evening She then asked me if I was hungry...she hadnt eaten, so we went to local Pizza Express. We chatted about every thing inc her family/husband/kids. She didnt speak about her hubby with any affection which I thought was strange. She asked me again why I was single.."not met anyone special...ever? I cant believe that you are still single!".... I told her there were 1 or 2 specail Ladies over the yrs...but things didnt wk out..not easy being consultant and being away from hm so much.
We finished eating and now it was 10.45..she had to get back so I walked her back to her car...She asked me about me doing Yoga...(she had checked my Facebook Profile page out!!)... I told her it was to relieve stress etc. Sally told me she'd had lovely evening and wanted to meet up again soon...didnt wanna leave it another 30 yrs... I went to give her hug and kiss on cheek and she did the same & we held each other and kissed her face and she mine @ same time many times as we used to when we were together....was strange felt soo right for both of us. I let go..she didnt immediately...My hand cupped her face to which she responded positively...She said we would meet soon....I waved her good bye and took short cut to where I was parked.
She was driving around 1 way system..saw me & stopped and insisted that I joined her and gave me a life to my car. As I left I thanked her once again for getting in touch and once again we kissed on cheek and looked each other in the eye...I sensed that she didnt want the evening to end..neither did I.....Finally she drove off and I txted her to ask her to sms me when she got home..she did this..and thanked me for lovely evening. to which I replied.
I sent her sms the next morning..to thank her and compliment her on how lovely she still was...she responded with " Flattery will get you everywhere....lets not leave it another 30 yrs...." I advised her that "I wasnt flattering her..it came from the heart....When you wanna chat/meet... you have my no now"
We exchanged several sms that week and @ the w/e she asked me for some help ideas on a Speech for her new school. I sent her a page of A4 with some ideas and asked her to let me know what she thought/how it went.
She responed to my email with "WOW I'm impressed...."
I got a sms later in the week telling me that she thought the speech went ok.
So now..I'm even more confused!!..lol
....are you still there?..is the bucket full?..lol
THE END for now?!!
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A
male
reader, mrvhappy +, writes (21 June 2010):
mrvhappy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate.
I finally contacted her after much thought last Mon.
I got a sms from her asking if she could call me @ 6pm last mon nite but I was busy and suggested that she/I call after 9.30pm. She then sms me her wk no and suggested time to chat. Unfortunately I was in meetings so I couldnt.
Sally called me approx 9.40 last Monday and we chatted for 40 mins about everything. Sally was shocked/surprised that I was still single. We spoke about her hubby/family/kids and herself
Shee seemed to be longing for the days when we worked in the Local supermarket which I thought was a bit strange for reasons that I have already mentioned.
She had several calls in that time but she ignored them..BTW she went to her parents house (who are away) to call me.
She wanted to meet up. Is very keen to see me!! I suggested that we meet for a coffee in a quiet town..she agreed. I left it to her to choose the venue & date
Difficult to read this. I sense that alls not well with her...by her actions...would a happily married woman do this?
Byee for now
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A
male
reader, mrvhappy +, writes (10 June 2010):
mrvhappy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear anonymous,The inital contact doesnt seem to suggest social networking....we had NO connection on our FR website. And how do you explain her 2 fav songs appearing as suggestions on my You Tube a/c @ the same time (both from different genres)...she couldnt have influenced them. How else do you explain the co-incidents that I had thoughts about her approx the same time that she was telling someone "...about the fun times that we had working in the store..." and co-incidently she taught @ my infants school at a later date..esp when she didnt know I went there and she lived in a diff part of the country?You do not appear to listen to what I am saying...I DO NOT MESS AROUND WITH MARRIED WOMEN...[MOD toned down langauge]..perhaps you should actually read what I write on the other posts that I have made on this page..it may sink in then.Re relationships..when you have been in working in Consultancy for most of yr working life and travel extensively as I do, one of the downsides is that relationships suffer when you are away from yr partner for long periods...not many women like their partners away for long periods.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2010): There is no BIG mystery : it is called social networks, that's how you both got in contact. Just now you will say its ordained in the stars. Ok Mr very Happy Ben, you win. I am just a deragatory female who tried to forewarn you about messing around with married women with 3 kids. It is called a realistic approach in life. For all your intelligence can you honestly pinpoint why you have not met Ms Right after all these years. Surely all of them did not, not measure up.
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A
male
reader, mrvhappy +, writes (10 June 2010):
mrvhappy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey Anon Female, ( I will dispense with the degrogatory name for women as you suggested as I have a great deal of respect for women)
I did move on 29 yrs ago. I have had some special & wonderful realtionships since then..one I nearly married but couldnt because of her family.
I only thought of Sally a few times over the yrs..on all of those times I sensed that there was something wrong. Apart from that I concentrated 100% on my realtionship at the time.
I have not waited for Sally. I will meet her and see how it goes. It will be a very difficult meeting I know and I am prepared for it...esp if shes married.
I have considered all aspects of Sallys life and how that would impact on her/us/me if there was a spark.
My recent Ex and I split for many reasons...main one being that she didnt wanna get married and have kids and I did.
The split had been on the cards fo a long time..yes shes wonderful but we both wanted different things in life.
I have been honest with my ex's in the past that I wanna get married/kids etc..if they are the right one. I have not wasted 30 yrs on Sally.
Every one who has seen the photos of Sally and I have made the same comment.."WOW..the 2 of you look SOOO in Love.". Thats why I havent seen those photos for all those yrs. My recent ex felt the same when she found those photos. She felt very intimidated that she and I wernt like that.
I have only been confused by recent events..and would like to know why Sally has come looking for me.
I'm not making a big drama here....Put yrself in my position..an ex of yrs turns up under strange circumstances, outta the blue after approx 30 yrs and suddenly wants to be part of yr life..how would you/anyone feel/react? Would you be curious/shocked/weary/suspicious.. I am all of those & more. I am not Pinning for Sally. I am a realist. I live in the current and the Future..not in the past
FYI of the women that I have dated.. I have never once compared them to each other even though my friends have tried to get me to do this...I have treated each one as an individual.
Thanks for taking the time to make the comments but why do you feel the need to hide under an anonymous tag if you truely "... know I love myself enough never to settle being second best or an after thought..." you would at the very least use a nickname no?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2010): What do u realy wnt from your relationship from her? Do u have a hunch that she is seperated or seperating, then what? What if she is still married but unhappy and wants to leave huim? Do you wait on the sides while she divorces her hb? Basically what do you want? Why then so much drama for mere friendship? Why are you now investing so much into resurrecting a friendship/relationship with a married woman. If your long standing gf was sooo affected by your apparent love for a woman whom you have not seen for 30 years then I think you are deluding yourself into thinking you want mere friendship. You seem to pine away for what was and what could have been. Is this fair on all your exs? Yes Sally may have a special place in your heart but to throw away a relationship bec of it makes no sense. If you had a second chance will you want to make things work with your recent ex? If I compare lives, Sally has had a fruitful life, a home, marriage, kids ,let's not forget the hubby. What do you have ? Only memories and perhaps lost dreams of a 'love that wasn,t meant to be' . Have you heard of the saying n people come into you life for a reason, a season....'..but when it is over , it is over. Then tou learn your life's lesson And Move On. It has been 30 years and YOU have not moved on! You have lost 30 precious years hoping/ waiting? A lifetime lost? To me this is so unhealthy and so unnecessary. Have you ever wondered whether you have let your life pass you by just bec you were waiting for Sally to resurface? Have you invested in any relationship, truly invested in another woman. You let a potential soulmate slip by while pining for a lost love. Remember Sally is not your soulmate. She is her husbands! I see your heart breaking yet again and then what another 30 years before realising that you should have moved on. Have you ever married or had kids? What truly makes you happy in life? Call me a bitch Anon female but I know I love myself enough never to settle being second best or an after thought - in your case a 30 year after thought!
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A
male
reader, mrvhappy +, writes (9 June 2010):
mrvhappy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi "A female reader, anonymous.." its a pity that you cant leave a name!!
My partner and I had problems b4 this all came about.I didnt kick her out at a momments notice. She saw some old photos of me and Sally...photos that I had in storage and have not looked @ for over 25+ yrs and became v v jealous..she asked our friends about Sally and "how much in love we looked" She couldnt cope with this. I tried to reassure her that it was all in the past but she couldnt handle it.
I am concerned by Sallys marital status & kids as I have said on many times.
I am NOT half way up her skirt...our realtionship wasnt like that, besides I dont treat women like a sex object.. we were SOul Mates.
She may/may not have given me a moments thought in the 30 yrs....I dont know I moved several times in that time and have lived abroad..She appears to have lived locally apart from her stint @ Uni.
If she is married, its simple.. I walk away I dont get involved with married women....its bad karma.
Her actions lead me to believe that she may be separated or single..even that would be difficult due to the kids
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A
male
reader, mrvhappy +, writes (9 June 2010):
mrvhappy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi TimmyD
Thanks for your comments
I work as a Management consultant ( BOO HISS I here you all say..lol :) )..My gut feelings are normally pretty good both @ wk and in my personal life. But this really threw me thats why I came on here.
I dont expect anything from the meeting..it would be nice to see her and make sure that all is well with her/family, but I fear not...like I said re the connection.
She may miss me as a "friend" but that friendship went when we split as we couldnt talk/be in each others company due to the hurt on both sides..whenever I tried to speak to her, I could see the pain in her eyes which would upset me which would sadden her and so on.
Cheers
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010): Well Ben , you ssay you are pragmatic and that you will not have an affair with Sally, right? So you contact her, both decide to meet up, you kick your gf/fiance out of your life without a moments notice (nice guy!, she must be wondering what she did wrong) and then you start planning with Sally. Who are you trying to fool.us? Yourself? Sally? For goodness sake, she is married with 3 kids. Even if she is not thinking straight and she may be bired with her marriage what gives you the right to destroy her home? And her 3 kids lives? Have you cared about the consequences of your actions? Already you are halfway up her skirt in your mind never giving a sh1t that she belongs to her husband. You may not care about her colour and that is correct thinking but what about you worrying about her marital status? Surely this should actually matter to you. The good english woman that she is - you say warm, funny , decent and so forth- strange maybe after 30 years she has changed if she is willing to hook up with you in an instant. You should actually be very weary of women like that- no respect for their marital vows. Oh well, at least your gf would have moved on and made a life for herself without you. Becareful you don't end up a loser all over again. After all Sally never gave a sh1t about you for 30 years and then Bham, she resurfaces and you throw out your gf to make place for thiss married woman with 3 kids. You were not good enough for Sally 30 years ago and you will find nothing has changed. You are setting yourself up for failure, can you imagine her introducing you to her husband. Does he know you exist? Highly unlikely. You will only be good enough to meet away from prying eyes.watch out, buddy. You are about to become a third party in a longstanding marriage. Watch it doesn't blow up in your face. BTW, did you tell you gf why you broke up with her?
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (9 June 2010):
 Keep us updated. This is getting very interesting. Your initial thoughts and feelings may not be that far off about her, but just make sure you proceed with an open mind and consider the fact she may just miss you as a friend. Going into whatever this is with that open mind will make things easier and take the pressure off....
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A
male
reader, mrvhappy +, writes (9 June 2010):
mrvhappy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi West 1000,
Thanks for your comments.
To be perfectly honest with you, I dont know what I feel about Sally.
I guess I will go and meet her with an open mind if she still wants to meet once I call her...it will be a shock to the system probably for both of us!..I just hope that there arent any awkward long silences!!
Cheers
Ben
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A
male
reader, mrvhappy +, writes (8 June 2010):
mrvhappy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi,
I have finished with my current partner.
I have never been "hung up" on white girls. I didnt see her colour..just someone who was very kind/caring/considerate/intelligent/funny/loving and supportive.
I have never dated a woman due to her colour.
The colour/culture diff was never an issue for us...only others. She once said to me "I wish we were all BLUE" If people stared at us..she would cuddle closerr and kiss me to show these people that she didnt care what they thought..she like me for me..I didnt have a car/motorbike etc @ the time and no money to go out..that was never an issue for her. She would get asked out all the time by guys..but she'd tell then that she was with "her specail man"
People that we least expected to make a comment used to come up to us and tell us what a beautiful couple we made.
Sally once asked me if "I she became a Hindu..would that make things easier?"... I didnt even think about this and was absolutely gobsmacked @ the comment. This would never have been an issue for me/us.
We were two teenagers who were very much in love. We talked about everything..she was my SOUL MATE/best friend and my love.
I have has a few loving relationships with both Asian girls and English Girls. Sally was VERY Special...and thats not me looking back with rose tinted specs. Sure we had our problems...but the love and support on both sides helped us over come them....mixed realtionships were very difficult in those days.
I dont plan to embark on an affair..I am pragmatic..its 30 yrs down the line...and she's meant to be married with 3 kids.
However last nite she tracked me down on Facebook ( I have a v unusal name and the photo of my bike that I used on FR is the same as the one on Facebook.
So lets get the facts right.
1) The Unexplained co-incidents on FR and my You Tube site( her 2 fav tunes appear on my suggested list..both different geners)
2) I contact her (after her name appears outta the blue from 30yrs ago and she responds saying how she was just telling some-one about the fun times we has @ wk in the store on Saturdays..fact is we only had fun b4 and during our time together..after we split we couldnt talk/look @ each other due to the hurt on both sides.
3) I answer her q's and ask her a few general q's
4) No response but she uploads 2 photos of herself on FR ....one of which is one that I took all those yrs ago & she accpets my invite as a friend.
5) She finally responds after 1 month and gives me her Mobile Numer and suggets a meeting
6) She finds me on Facebook..and wants me to add her as a friend.
Are these the actions of a (happyly) married woman?.. who seeks out her former b/f? after 30 yrs apart..there is definately something strange here..as I said b4 she was loyal with me....so I dont think shes any diff now.
If she is married...I CANNOT take this further.
Thanks for taking the time to read this
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): Mr Happy. You are Asian. she is white. I am suspecting that your current partner is Asian too. How long are you with your partner? I know some Asian guys just hook up with white girls to prop themselves up in society, are you one of them.As you say the ball is in your court, so what now? an affair with this married woman. an emotional affair at the expense of your partner. before you mess up your partners life and BEFORE you embark on your affair, why not end it with your partner. then you are free to run off with any other married woman too. you are not being decent and fair ot your current partner.
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A
male
reader, mrvhappy +, writes (4 June 2010):
mrvhappy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi guys,
Thanks for all your comments..just thought I'd give you an update.
A couple of weeks ago..someone from my infants school uploaded another photo of my class (taken when I was approx 6). I managed to identify myself on there as many had done and left it at that.
I heard from Sally today (1st time in 1 month) She commented how cute I looked in that photo & co-incidently she taught @ that school 10 yrs ago (but that doesnt explain the connection on the site!!An IT friend of mine tells me that she MUST have been looking for me!!.
She has given me her mobile number and advised me that she would "..Love to see me again"!!! She also replied to my q's and she still lives locally
So the ball is firmly my court now. Looks like she wants me to make the move now as I suspected @ the very begining.
Your comments would be much valued
Cheers
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (25 May 2010):
 Thank you. And yes, I've traveled quite extensively. Lived in Europe for 8 yrs. Visited much of the UK, as well. My absolute best friend on the planet, rest her soul, was from Cambridge. I am no stranger to various cultures, but fiercely red-blooded American, first and foremost I shall always be. Happy trails to you and good luck!
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (25 May 2010):
Thank you. And yes, I've traveled quite extensively. Lived in Europe for 8 yrs. Visited much of the UK, as well. My absolute best friend on the planet, rest her soul, was from Cambridge. I am no stranger to various cultures, but fiercely red-blooded American, first and formost I shall always be. Happy trails to you and good luck!
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (25 May 2010):
Tsk, tsk, just wouldn't be proper! One lump or two? Lemon square?
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (25 May 2010):
Oh my! That's ranks right up there with "the queen wears combat boots!", q!
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A
male
reader, mrvhappy +, writes (25 May 2010):
mrvhappy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Bunny Tee,
Sorry I dont mean to insult you or any of our cousins across the pond.
I have been to the US and the culture there is very diff to the UK..as are many of the customs/traditions. Surprisingly the UK is very diff to Europe.
Unless you have travelled as extensively as I do, you will not see/understand the differences.
The Greeks are lovely people..they always make me feel welcome when I go there on holidays..and no its not for my money...the picture that you appear to have has probably been generated by recent events in the media. Well we all know how the Media ALWAYS TELL THE TRUTH, THE Whole TRUTH....
If you dont believe me..why dont you come over to the UK and see for yourself....hardly anyone speaks like the Queen or any ENGLISH actor on US TV/Films.
Once again, thanks for your comments. I am truely sorry if I accidently offened anyone.
Thanks once again for the generosity that everyone has shown in taking the time to make a comment.
King regard
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (25 May 2010):
Judge? Judge what? A fruit loop is a fruit loop in ANY culture!
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (25 May 2010):
Yup, that's us, just a bunch of heathens over here in the good ol' USA. No subtlety, whatsoever. What makes you think that we have any time to waste on subtlety, anyway? Some of us work at keeping it REAL. Genteel, well-heeled subtlety, we leave to countries, like say Greece. It's obviously working really well for them. Just a bunch of thuggish, no-account gunslingers here..wouldn't know a lemon square from an orange slice.
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male
reader, mrvhappy +, writes (25 May 2010):
mrvhappy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi,
Thanks to all for yr comments...West1000 in particular this is EXACTLY whats happening to me.
I am not obsessed with her..her recent actions have left me confused thats all..and bought back some wonderful painful memories. (Why upload the photo that I took of her all those yrs ago when she knew how much I cherished that photo?)
Bunnytee I normally live in the real world when it comes to realtionships (all my friends on Facebook etc are people that I actually know well & am in regular physical contact with..how many people can say that?)..I guess thats why this has thrown me sooo much.
I guess thats the difference in the cultures between the UK and our USA cousins...people here appear to be more subtle in thier approach...Sally was no exception.
Thanks guys for your comments once again.. they are all much appreciated.
Many Thanks for your help
Cheers
Ben
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A
female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (24 May 2010):
Ok, really now. This begins to remind me of the cut in the roof of your mouth that would heal if you'd just leave it alone.
There IS a phenomenon called the Laws of Probability or the Oracle of Numbers. Call it coincidence or serendipity, or whatever you wish. SO WHAT, if she was looking at you way back in the day?
Frankly, my friend, I believe you need to get a grip, here.
Are you merely hoping to be persistent long enough for everyone to give up and say yes, go! run to her and screw everyones' lives up because that's what you want to hear? There is NO hidden, mystical meaning here in simple, mathematical coincidence! Get over it already. I see NO evidence of signs and wonders designed to propel you towards interfering in the present based upon what was long ago past.
Fact is: enough information made available in enough places and something is bound to coincide!
Do you focus this much time, effort, and energy into your life and affairs?
Go make a complete fool of yourself or get over it and refrain from the nonsensical border line obsessions, my friend.
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A
male
reader, mrvhappy +, writes (24 May 2010):
mrvhappy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi there,
Thanks for your comments.
There appears to be some confusion.
Lets look at the facts:-
I know its 30 yrs and she says she's married with 3 kids...so I dont even want to go there.
What has confused the heck outta me is:-
1) Sally and i had this "connection"..before/during and after we dated. Let me tell you more. There would be times that I woukld think about her..suddendly..from outta the blue she'd appear. When we worked together..I'd sense that some0ne was watching me..I'd look around..and she'd be there looking..or she would look my way as I turned around..
Then there was a time when she called me out of the blue after I'd had a massive row with my father. The first thing she said was "..are you ok..I sensed that you were upset..". Remember this was in the days before the internet & mobile phones...and we hardly ever spoke on the phone due to my curfew. She couldnt have know about the arguement..there were many other incidents like that.
A few yrs ago, I was working abroad. All of a sudden, I thought about her for no apparent reason..(no clues/smells/sites that would have reminded me of her). 10 mins later I was walking down the busy High street, and I nearly died when I saw someone who looked like her ( it could have been her I dont know)
A couple of days before I saw her name on Friends Reunited, in the middle of my final exams, I had this feeling/thought about her. I dismissed it and went back to my studies..but there was this niggling feeling that I would hear from her..or that something was not ok in her life/family...I dont know why I had this...I have had no contact from her for 25 yrs.
You can imagine my shock when her name appeared on my "Do you know this person"..I mean there is NOTHING on this site to link us (we studied @ different schools/colleges/Unis). The place where we worked together is not on either of our profiles!!. So how can I explain her name suddenly appearing?
I contacted her to say Hi...hope all is well with you (as I sensed something was wrong) and she came back and said"..Ben..Is that really you?...How strange I was just tellling someone about the fun times we used to have at work in the store.".
The fun times for both os us were only before and during our time together. We were both very upset after the split as we could no longer talk to each other.Not only had I lost my love, but I had also lost my Best Friend.
She asked me if I still lived in the town and about a mutual friend. I answered her q's and asked her if she still lived in the area & if Parents were ok? She then signed of with a "x" --- I wouldnt have done that on the 1st contact.
1wk later she uploaded 2 photos of herself..one of them was the one that I took of her..she knew it was my fav photo. The second photo appears to be a more recent one. she accepeted me as a friend, but has not responded to my mail.
I am not still in love with her..just confused by her actions.
Yes I would like to meet up with her..if only to catch up and find out why she didnt become a Dr.
She didnt play games then ..she was basically a warm/kind decent/supportive/caring/intelligent/modest/funny human being..thats why I fell in love with her all those yrs ago.
I just hope that she is ok...If she needs my help. I would like to try to repay her with the support/help that she once gave me.
Thanks for reading this
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2010): I think she is not responding because she is married with kids. I am sure she remembers fondly the memories but she has a focus and that is family. PLease leave her alone..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2010): "Ben" I think she is reaching out to you. She threw a ball to you that you need to catch and throw back. Her uploading photoes is in my opinion a careful 'reaching out'. She wants your reaction and she wants you to know more about her.
On the other hand, you are still head over hills in love with 'Sally' that you knew. You either get in contact with her to find out if she0s still the 'sally' or ban her from your thoughts.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (21 May 2010):
When referring to her and her family being "ok", what do you mean by that? And what if they're not "ok"? It's not out of the ordinary to want to say hi and give your regards, but it sounds like you are using this "All I want is to see if they are ok" as an excuse and to rationalize something to yourself that you know you shouldn't be doing.
You came to us asking for advice, and as others have recommended..... don't do it. You're just setting yourself up for trouble.
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A
male
reader, mrvhappy +, writes (20 May 2010):
mrvhappy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi,
I am normally a very rational guy. People come to me with thier problems both professionally and socaily.
I know that we are 30 yrs down the line..both probably v different people..bhal bhal bhal.
I know this is strange and If I did meet her it would be v difficult for both of us ..esp if the chemistry is still there. and I know that there are other people involved now.
On the site, she didnt use her married name..all the other girls I was @ school with use thier married name.
She signs off with a "x"...I didnt do that when I made the inital contact so this is niggling me. Sally was the loyal type.
The phycic connection that we had appears to still be there..( she tells me that she "was telling someone about the great times we had.."...god I never thought I'd be writing that!!..something tells me that there is some trouble in her life. I though that before she contacted me
I dont want to go back 30yrs....the split was too painful.
All I want to do is make sure that she & family are ok...I am worried about her.. this more than anything really nagging me...I wish she would send me a sign to say she is ok..I know this is crazy.
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female
reader, BunnyTee +, writes (20 May 2010):
I must agree with Timm, he's right. 30 years was along time ago. Don't risk your current life and partner to a sweet old memory. You were both kids, leave it where it belongs. Those old feelings were a life time ago. They don't exist in the present. Let it go.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2010): You are remembering what might of been, but 30 years is a long time. Seeing her is not a good idea. Leave things in the past where they belong.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2010): Take a deep breath, turn around and walk away. The lady you fell in love with was 30 years younger than the woman she is today. Instead she is a married woman and a mother, therefore, she belongs to others. Yes it may have been cruel that you were prevented from from seeing her during you last year of A levels, but honestly he wanted the best start for you in life, even if it didn't feel so at the time or even now; (learn a life lesson from this experience by not repeating the same conditions if you should be in the same situation as your father was all those years ago.) The fact that she hasn't contacted you personally is because she is either thinking the situation over, or hoping that if you may make the first move, that way if anything goes wrong or the meeting isn't as good as she hoped she can cease contact without guilt. Therefore, I repeat my message walk away and concentrate on your present relationship.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (20 May 2010):
Let her go. She is married with 3 kids and 30 years is a LONG time with a lot of changes. It sounds like she was just being polite, especially since you two did have some good times in the past... but it was just that, the past. If you want to say hi and see how she is, great. But I would strongly recommend leaving it at that. Don't go see her, don't complicate things. Again, she is married. And because she hasn't really replied I'm willing to bet these feelings do not go both ways.
She has her own life now with a family.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2010): That sounds hard. If she is married with kids, and it is giving you fits in your current relationship, then you need to just drop it. If thinking of her brings back old feelings then you can't try to be her friend now. Its really hard, but try to focus on all the great things that are going on in your life now, and just forget about everything else. Life is too short and hard to worry about things that you can't control
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