A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. My girlfriend broke up with me just over a year ago, after 2 years together. She has now gone to uni. I still have her myspace page on my list of friends. But anytime I see her picture, I get this stinging feeling in my head.I think I want to forget her. When I think about her, all I can remember is the good times and how they're over now, as well as the level of pain she caused me when she left. That said, I don't want to lose contact with her. I'm not sure why. I guess it's because I know that she would like to stay in touch with me. After everything we had, it would be nice to be able to talk to her without feeling bitter or dwelling on what has passed. We haven't spoken for months now, even though I said I would keep in touch, and I feel like I could be missing out on something... Maybe? Please tell me what you think.It would be a shame to let a relationship/friendship fade out. But I don't know what else to do whenever it hurts me so much. She knows how I feel, but when I told her that I was going to avoid her, she got upset, which made me feel guilty. It was then when I said that I would try and be her friend....I could go on forever. Please give me your advice!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (15 July 2008):
 Wait just a minute....
*THUNK CACHUNK*
That was me, closing the door on this relationship for you. She broke up with you, she actually no longer has any say in what you choose to do. If you choose to delete her from your myspace page, well then, she actually has no say.
You wrote something that has caught my attention. "It would be a shame to let a relationship/friendship fade out. But I don't know what else to do whenever it hurts me so much. She knows how I feel, but when I told her that I was going to avoid her, she got upset, which made me feel guilty. It was then when I said that I would try and be her friend."
She knows it hurts you so much, so she's guilted you into keeping in contact with her? I have some news for you, she's actually not looking after you, she's trying to make herself feel better and less bitchy about breaking up with you.
Guess what? You don't have to feel guilty anymore. Aunt Tisha has decided that in the interests of your mental health, of your moving on with your life, with your getting the clutter of this failed relationship out of your space, you are perfectly entitled to cut contact with her. Yes, you have my permission, in fact, you have my diagnosis and prescription for you.
After a while, after you no longer feel any acute pain when you think about her, you might be able to be 'friends' with her again. It may happen that you two do become good friends again, but I wouldn't count on it just yet.
It would be nice in a perfect world, that you could shift easily from a romantic relationship to a platonic one, but we're dealing with the real world here, and real feelings, and you just can't bury them and hope things will get better. It sounds to me like you really do want to move on from her. If you haven't spoken in months, she's most definitely moved on from you. I honestly don't think you're missing anything but the potential for more pain and hurt.
She knows your contact details, she can mail you a letter if she wants to reach you, she can call you on the phone. She hasn't, has she? Hmmm. I don't care that she got upset when you told her you needed to avoid her. That's her problem, not yours. You get to do whatever you want to help you deal with this. And if it's been a year, that's waaayyyy toooo longgggg for such sharp pain.
Delete her from your myspace page. You'll feel some twinge at first, then I expect you'll feel a huge weight lifting from your shoulders.
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