A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Lately I have been having day dreams about what it would be like to have another baby. I already have a 9 year old and I seriously think im getting broody. Sometimes I lay in bed thinking about that first mooment when the baby is born and you feel that rush of love.The problem is I cant have a baby as a) i just started a good job a few months ago that involves alot of manual work so I would lose that straight away...or at least be demoted.b) i just broke up with a cheat so I am not with a partner let alone married.c) I have a loan that will continue on for the next 3 years.d) my father is seriously strict as is my grandfather...i really think it would make him ill if he thought i was having another baby.despite all these setbacks I really do have the urge. How do i come to terms with the fact that I probably wont have another baby as by the time i can even consider it, my son will be too old to bond with the baby? (im in my late 20's)
View related questions:
broke up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Cripes +, writes (9 February 2013):
Your son will NEVER be too old to bond with the baby. The parents of my friend (who is 30) just had another baby (they are in their fifties) and she ADORES her new sister, she's obsessed with her. Sibling age is not a factor you need to consider.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 February 2013):
 Because hopefully we have developed the ability, common sense and self control to resist our urges when they are in sharp contrast with our best interest , current circumstances and life goals ?
Everybody gets urges that 's not wise to indulge . Haven't you ever got the urge to jump into bed with that sexy dangerous looking stranger, or with that charming married man ?... The urge to respond to the umpteenth kvetch of your pesky neighbour or overbearing boss, not with a polite smile but with a sound , tight slap on their face ? ...
You feel the urge, and when you catch herself daydreaming about " wouldn't it be nice if... " you use your rational brain, tell yourself, " heck no, it would not be nice, it would be a disaster !, I'd lose my job, disappoint my family , fuck up my finances etc.etc... " , stop daydreaming , get up from bed, make yourself a nice strong coffe, and go about day and business. Rinse and repeat ad libitum, and eventually the urge will be gone, or at least pretty manageable.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2013): When I was newly divorced, I desperately wanted another child. Like you, I was in my late 20s, had no partner, and had been married to a cheater.
For me, having a baby represented regaining the love and the feeling of being needed I'd lost when my marriage fell apart.
You have some solid practical reasons for not having a baby in the near future. When you start thinking about that rush of love, try reminding yourself of dealing with colic, 2 a.m. feedings and still getting up on time for work the next day, and the other less-than-pleasant parts of a child's first year.
Best wishes, it didn't last long for me and I hope it won't be long for you.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2013): "I lay in bed thinking about that first moment when the baby is born and you feel that rush of love."Then stop daydreaming and start thinking realistically about what happens following the birth: non-stop hard work, constant demands, thankless drudgery, endless sacrfices and sleepless nights. Having a baby is challenging under any circumstances, and as a single woman with a physically demanding job, outstanding financial obligations, and a pre-adolescent son (whose father is presumably out of the picture) the cold harsh inconvenient truth is that you are in no position to raise, have or even conceive a baby. I suspect the urge to breed is related to your recent bad break up: instead of taking a risk on a new romance, you see childbirth as a means of finding unconditional love without fear of disappointment, abandonment or disillusionment. "How do i come to terms with the fact that I probably wont have another baby as by the time i can even consider it, my son will be too old to bond with the baby?"By understanding and accepting the reality of your situation: at this time in your life, having a baby simply would not be in the best interests of you, your son or the prospective unborn child. You need to stop fantasizing and start thinking like the responsible adult and mother whom a nine-year-old boy is depending on you to be for him.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2013): I can't answer any of your other questions, but what I will say is I am a 20 year old male with 3 brothers. One is 18, one is 3 and one is 1 year old, and I love (and hate at times!) them all equally. So the issue of your son not being able to bond with a baby as he gets older is not one I think you need to concern yourself with.
...............................
|
