A
female
age
51-59,
*parrow
writes:I've been married 15 years and have a teenage daughter. We got married only after 5 months of courtship. First 3 years of marriage were slightly turbulent as we continued to discover each other better. For the rest of the 12 years, we were focused on raising our daughter, and drifted apart emotionally as a couple. Over these years, physical intimacy was non-existent, we never held hands, kissed, let alone have sex. Whenever I tried to get close to my husband like hug him, he rejected me.One year ago, I started seriously evaluating my marriage and realised I no longer have feelings for my husband after so many years of neglect. We were more like roomates and good friends than husband and wife. I am seriously considering leaving him to lead an independent life, since I am so dissatisfied with my marriage. And give myself another chance to find real and enduring love.These thoughts have been in my mind for the past one year. Has anyone out there experienced the same thing? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, 48years  +, writes (16 December 2008):
 You've gotten two different sides of the story from stacy and sarcy...my advice is that you have to earn your way out of a marriage. You've thought about leaving for a year...have you considered what it would take for you to stay? Something brought you together in the first place...
Some of us would be happy to just have a great roommate...
One thing to think about; As we age, the pool of available mates gets larger for men, and smaller for women, unfortunately. You have to approach leaving him from the standpoint that you'd really rather be alone...then, if love does come back into your life, that's gravy.
A
female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (15 December 2008):
 Not myself personally, but my sister was exactly where you are. She and her husband had been together for 10 years and have twin 4 year old sons. She confided in me 3 years ago that she was unhappy. Exactly as you have said, they were living in the same house but as roommates. There was no intimacy and no sex at all. She said it had even gotten to the point where they did not even like each other. She used to ask me if it was depressing to be a divorced woman. I told her it was more depressing to stay in a relationship you aren't happy in. Just this year she met a man in the hospital where she works, he was a patient. She was still with her husband and did not make any moves with this new man except talking to him. Her and her husband had a huge fight which he considered the final straw and claimed he was going to move out. Then neither one of them wanted to give up the house. Long story short she began to hang out with this new man and found she really liked him a lot. Her and her husband are to be officially divorced this month and she will be moving in with her new boyfriend. The point of this story is that she is the happiest I have ever seen her right now. She has told me her and "Billy" are perfect for each other, he is intimate where her husband was not, he communicates where the other did not. She said he is her other half. Her husband and her are now on decent terms for the children and even joke with each other again. My advice would be to move on. My sister inspired me in so many ways, in that you can get over a relationship and move on and meet who you are truly meant to be with. Life is not meant to stay with someone you are not in love with. There are 80 year old couples out there still completely in love and holding hands in the mall together. You and him obviously aren't a good fit for each other but someone you are truly compatable with, your soul mate, is out there. Give yourself a chance to be happy and not miserable. You and your husband can even salvage a friendship. Good luck with everything.
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A
female
reader, sarcy24  +, writes (15 December 2008):
 I am 45 and have a 12 year old and have also been married for 15 years. My husband left the relationship last year for all the reasons you describe and we are now divorced. We had turned into flat mates and in some areas actively despised each other. When he actually left - he effectively just disappeared and never came back I was devastated and it has taken me a long long time to come to terms with it. However the point of me writing this is that I now understand that he was very unhappy and couldn't continue to live like that. I was happy rubbing along but he wanted the physical intimacy and hand holding that you also require. My advice to you would be to explain to your husband how you are very unhappy and the reasons why and give him the chance to put things right ( only if you still feel something for him) but if you really don't then leave. My son took it very well and in the main childrn are very resilient. Good luck to you.
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