A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi everyone this gets really complicated! a previous question i asked helps to explain the background of our relationship.http://www.dearcupid.org/question/amnesia-stole-four-years-of-my-life-and.htmli am supposed to be getting married to my partner of three and a half years in four months and i just slept with his best friend. i cant believe i have done this. my partners' best friend i will refer to as MR W. Mr W and i have always been close, recently me and fiance have been struggling in our relationship, there is no communication and no connection. when i have told him i am unhappy he will give me money to buy things to make me happy and has told me its easier if i just pretend. things went really wrong when MR W came home from Afghanistan after a four month tour and all our friends went out drinking to celebrate his safe return. a lot of alcohol was consumed and after 9 hour drinking session, me, fiance and Mr W crashed at my home. fiance got a little violent with me after drinking and basically told me to sleep downstairs which was where MR W was sleeping. me and MR W ended up talking about how we were unhappy with our relationships (his girlfriend is travelling the world but doesn't seem to want to come home and hates he has children with his ex wife) and through drunken haze one thing led to another. i believe marrying my fiance is the best choice for our family (we have a 18 month old). but things have never been easy because of my amnesia (see above link!!)i have always felt like we are trying to fit two jigsaw pieces that don't go together. i thought getting married would fix everything but now we are in £10,000 worth of debt and so tied to the wedding there is no way out. i feel so trapped and i don't believe despite the alcohol i could have ever have done something like that if i was truly happy with fiance. i want to run away. fiance is so dominating and controlling down to telling me what to wear and not allowing me to work. me and MR W have not said anything to anyone about what has happened as it would destroy both our lives. and he seems to be trying to help repair my relationship not sure if that is through guilt. my head is so screwed! i don't know what to do.
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best friend, debt, drunk, ex-wife, fiance, his ex, money, trapped, violent, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, cinc71  +, writes (24 May 2012):
 DON'T GET MARRIED! It won't solve anything and the best thing you can do for your child is to be happy and to be a great role model. I am a child of divorce and it's better to see two parents happy separatly then unhappy together!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2012): start over with someone else save everyone the trouble.Avoid alcohol and boyfriends friends or it will happen again.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (8 May 2012):
 Don't marry your fiancee. Putting a ring on the finger will not make everything alright.
Sit down with your fiancee and work out a way to pay off the debt you two have accumulated.
And sharing a child should never be the reason to marry. Specially if you feel that and the debt are the only reasons to move forward.
Square peg, round hole... not going to work.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 May 2012):
 There is always a way out
Marrying for the child is not a good idea.
YOU are not happy. Do not marry him. My cousin canceled her wedding THREE WEEKS before the huge event. She never regretted it.
You feel trapped. this is not the feeling you should be having going into a wedding..
your fiance will not talk about it with you. Instead he gives you money to shut you up... will he go for counseling? IF not, I would tell him that he must go or you will call off the wedding... then do it.
Debt can be paid off
children cope nicely with two parents in two places (mine did)
a divorce later on will be way more traumatic and expensive than canceling the wedding in advance.
4 months... you might be able to get deposits or partial deposits back... sell the dress... or donate it for poor brides..
DO NOT become a statistic which is a failed marriage... which is what will happen.... you will eventually become so unhappy you will have no choice but to divorce.
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