A
male
age
36-40,
*narfsnarf
writes:SHOULD I BREAK IT OFF?This girl and myself have been seeing each other now for 7 months on and off. She is an old flame, we were boyfriend and girlfriend 2 years ago and got back in contact with each other a year ago. Seeing each other everyday, texting and phoning each other too. The first time we went out she broke it off pretty abruptly without any warning. I was devastated.Things have got pretty serious these past 3 months (continuously/no breaks ) however as we shared our feelings about how much we love each other. She stays at my house, I stay at hers. I've met her friends, she has met mine. She is 4years younger than me and we are both studying at university.Thing is, she doesn't want a serious relationship, "too much of a head-" as she putsit. She doesn't want the girlfriend/boyfriend tag. Fair enough I thought, I told her that I feel the same as we should be concentrating on our studies. I have met her parents and family many times, she however is “afraid” to meet my parents and family. Is this because she is actually scared or because she doesn't see a future for us, so eliminates the the drama of meeting my mum and dad and brothers. He never wants to go out for something to eat or to the cinema, “hate that romantic crap” she says. However we went out on Monday night, and were kissing each other all night. This was in full view of all her friends for the first time.She regularly gets drunk, I mean every weekend and nearly every night during the week. Many times she has flipped at me and called the whole thing off only for the next day to try to retract her comments and wants to get back with me. She blames the drink. Wisely or not, I have always give in because I don't want to see anyone else.I don't know if she really does love me, or if I'm just here until something better comesalong. If she really loves me why does she not want a relationship? I know that she has apast record of dropping me with her mood swings. Does she want to see other people as well as me? Or is it that she really doesn't want to commit to anything.The reason I have doubts about her seeing other people is that at Christmas while we were split up, she had sex with her first boyfriend twice. She told me this last week. I haven't confronted her about this as its none of my business as far as I was concerned she didn't want anything to do with me. But it has put the seed of doubt in my head as I now know she is prone to that kind of behaviour.We were talking few weeks ago about our one night stands. she then went to look up one my one night stands on facebook. She called it off with me because she hated the thought of that girl "being with me". I told her that its my past and I cant change it. I'm over it,and that she had no right to criticise me for my past record. That 1night stand happenedafter she dumped me and before we got back in contact with each other.I'm at the point now that I might just call it off even though I love her, but I feel we're going nowhere and have always had a small bit of doubt which has now become serious doubts.So... as you can see I've many doubts. Maybe that's part of the whole experience of love etc. This normally wouldn't annoy me with any other girl, but I do love her so much and never felt this good with anyone else. But deep down I have always had a few doubts about her, is this normal? Am i a wuss for always going back? I want to commit, but have doubts about her.Apologies for the longness of the post, but I felt I had to tell the whole story.Can anyone offer me some advice, as I'm at my wits end.
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christmas, drunk, facebook, kissing, one night stand, split up, text, university Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2009): Hey dude, There comes a time in every relationship where a person has to evaluate the situation; when it comes to those subtle insecurities that everybody has. When I am not too sure about the girl I'm involved with I pull back a few steps and think of the questions that haven't been asked yet. Take a few days, and try to be quiet and separated from her; then you might be able to understand clearly how you need to communicate, and express the concerns you have. The answers from this person will inform you of where she is at in life, and love so be it. Your ultimate goal is to be yourself, and offer who you are cleanly. Sometimes you have to call a Spade a spade, this will let know what you're dealing with.Remember this.... "Everytime time you taste love it should always be sweeter(. period )" quote from my Gramps'Growth allows you to know yourself better, and put your best in front of you. Grow a bit all the time.Sounds like jiberish, but when people hold you too much in life or love it's hard to grow. Don't break it off yet.. Tell her whats up with you eye to eye then you'll know her potential and quality. --You shouldn't have to doubt love.--Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2009): The hardest part sounds like you two WANT it to be more casual than it is (or at least she does). And that leads to insecurites.
Either take a leap of faith and trust each other and BE together or deal with what it is or let it go..
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Pyro_Dimples  +, writes (18 March 2009):
 wow...honey your girl has some major issues. It sounds to me like she is very insecure and you are taking the fall for it. If i were you I would call it off because you deserve someone that not only loves you but loves themselves and is not ashamed of your guys relationship. Her life style doesn't sound healthy. And as for the whole no gf/bf status because you need to focus on your studies that is bullshit especially since you guys are still dating. I just believe the whole situation to be crummy and it only leads to disaster. I hope it all works out for you but that situation sucks.
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