A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Confused:I'll begin by saying I've been with my man for 7/years he recently came home from prison almost 2/years ago, 3/13 will be 2/years! I cheated while he was in prison w/ another man for like 3/months! That fling was over in oct/2010! Ever since he has been out; we've been having major issues!! Mainly trust issues! It's been really touch and go ever since he came home!! I'm really in love with him and love him with every inch of my soul! But I don't feel he loves me the same way! All I ever wanted was to be a family with him, and have a normal relationship! But he keeps saying "let things take it's coarse" . He'll be 42 and I'll be 33, I don't got time to waste! No we don't have any kids together I have a 13/yr old daughter that he's known since she was 2.. And he has 3/kids. Lately I've been having a gut feeling he's cheating on me and last week he just cold turkey stop calling, answering my calls, and responding to my texts! He did text me and say he's going thru alot and doesn't want to talk or argue.. My question is, it's been a week since I actually talked to him! I don't know what is going on! I've been texting, telling him I love him, and basically trying to figure out why he just stopped communicating! I'm lost, not eating, crying all day! If I did something, the least he could do is let me know! I'm in shock and completely confused! We talked everyday, I just don't understand! Is he cheating??? I'm really upset and can't help to think is he just going to leave me like this? No explaination? Please help!!!!!!
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (27 January 2013):
Hi. As you have said here, if it is meant to be, well then it will be - in time.
I'm glad he has forgiven you, and so now it's a case of him accepting that he will never forget, but that's natural for anyone.
And then choosing to move on regardless, and make an honest effort to make it a good relationship once more.
No-one can erase their memory, it's just not possible.
And nor do we want to, because memory contains our life, so it's part of who we are.
With all what has happened to date, the wisest thing you can possibly do now, is to give him some space and let the dust settle a bit.
There is probably no real point to asking him if there is someone else in his life, although it could help you, to know if that was the case, no doubt.
If it was me, I would want to know.
So maybe you could think about asking him to come over so you can talk about everything, like what I mentioned earlier.
And there would certainly be the opportunity to ask him straight out - without being confrontational or accusing, in any way.
If I were you in that situation, I would be saying it something like this:- "(His name), I realize you are having problems with what happened, and even though you have forgiven me, I am beginning to wonder where there is someone else in your life now. Is there someone else?"
And when you say this, stay completely calm and don't allow yourself to get angry or upset, so you communicate clearly with him.
I still believe that regardless of how you feel, it could certainly clear the air between you, once you have this talk.
It's important, and you will then know one way or the other, as to where you go from here.
Please think about it seriously.
It's about all you can do right now.
And you will then get some answers.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe was in prison for 5 years 2006-2011. He found out I cheated on him in prison before he came home, & we discussed it when he came home, & he made me tell him everything! I've apologized millions of times, advised him that if u could take it back I would!! I thought we were past that! He even works with the guy I cheated with! None the less.... I know he''a forgiven me but he'll never forget!! But I haven't been cheating or have done anything in that matter from 3/years ago! I tried asking him what I did wrong! I text him, although he reads my texts he doesn't respond! I just don't know if it's me, or another woman or what! I'm just tired of loving a man who doesn't show it back! I guess I'll just leave it alone! If he comes back then I know it was meant to be, but if not!!! My heart is indeed broken & will be 4/ever broken! All I can do is pray! That God will intercede
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (27 January 2013):
Hi there. Is it possible that he has found out that you cheated on him while he was in prison?
He might know, and just is not saying anything.
Is it possible he could even find out that information from someone else?
And this man you cheated with for 3 months while your man was in jail, does your man know him do you think?
Perhaps your man has some doubts - even if he doesn't know about your cheating - because at the time you were seeing this other man, your behaviour might have changed towards your man when you visited him in jail.
Or, maybe your visits were not quite as often as they were in the beginning, and so he started to suspect you at that time.
Sometimes when people leave jail, they can be a little emotionally unstable, and lose some of their confidence and trying to fit back into society once more.
Maybe, this is where he is right now.
It's hard to say really.
And it doesn't help that - from what you say - you aren't living together, which means you aren't seeing each other very often anyway.
So on the days you are not together, his imagination might be running wild with all these fancy ideas that he thinks you might be cheating on him.
Or else, that you might have cheated on him when he was in prison.
Even if you are not doing anything to raise suspicion in him since he got out of prison, it might have all started for him when he WAS in prison - around the time you were seeing this other man.
Your behaviour would have changed a little, even if you didn't realize it yourself.
He would have noticed it for sure.
You might have been a little distracted, or a bit tensed a little thinking about the man you were seeing at the time.
There are lots of subtle little signs in people's behaviour when something like that is going on.
And intuitive people will almost always pick up on it straight away, without a second thought.
He might be the intuitive kind, in which case he would see a change in you, no matter how tiny it was.
So it's possible that his suspicions are NOT from now, but are going right back to when he was in prison.
That seems obvious.
And I say this, especially if you are not really doing anything now, to make him lose trust in you.
And you have said you love him very much, so it's not a case of doubting your love.
It's more a case of wondering what you were up to while he was in prison.
I don't think you said this, but how long was he in prison for?
You said he has been out for 2 years in March of this year.
Well anyway, it doesn't really matter too much how long he was there.
Because it won't change things anyway.
If you haven't done so up until now, it would be a really wise idea to ask him to come over, because there is something important you want to talk to him about.
It won't fix things to come right out with a full confession, so don't go down that path.
It would almost certainly END things once and for all.
And as you can see for yourself, he already has a few trust issues with you anyway.
Well, he certainly has feelings of insecurity - that seems very clear.
And the main thing is that you won't go down the path of cheating on him again, and so you need to make a vow to yourself that you WON'T do that.
And just as long as he says "Yes" to coming over, well there will be your chance to reassure him of any fears he has, of losing you.
This will be your BIG chance to fix things with him once and for all.
At the moment because he was out of action for whatever time he was in prison, he now has all these ideas floating around in this head and wondering what you were doing in his absence.
Anyone in that situation, would naturally be thinking those kinds of thoughts.
No matter how short a time he was there - months or years - he had plenty of time to think about you, and wonder.
And he probably came up with all kinds of scenarios of what was happening, no doubt.
So this will be the perfect opportunity for you to set things right, and then and only then, can you both move forward with your lives.
At least by doing this, you will have your say and then he will have his.
And it will clear the air of what is going on in his mind, and you can help him with this.
I really believe that you won't get anything clarified UNLESS you have this heart to heart chat with him.
And when you do, just be kind, respectful and considerate of his feelings and above all, be open and honest, when you do.
No matter how much you feel you should confess, DON'T.
It serves no purpose at all.
Please, don't leave having this chat, for one single day longer.
The sooner, the better.
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