A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi my name is Marissa 18 and this guy 18 i like is a we are just firends. We have been talking for about a month. He's very funny,cute,charming,a little shy but can hold a conversation basically he has alot of common traits with me. When we first started we were just texting each other intill he wanted to meet me for the first time. I was so scared and shy at the same time i talked but not as much as i usually do. He talked with me but he kept staring at me i guess trying to get a good look. After that was all good and done he kissed me after all i could do was smile.But i told him i wanted to take my time because my ex cheated on me and it hurt me really bad i have been having trusting issue ever since then so i'm very cautions. So i found out that my sister took my phone behind my back she was talking to him asking him questions making sure he not a creep my sister is extra protected of me but i dont mind haha. She told me that he really likes me he said i was cool , smart, joyful, good personailty,funny, laid back, real cute, not boring and not stuck up,i'm always laughing,stay postivie,goofy,not to shy, good kisser. He ask what i like and hate the most i absolutely can not stand liars but i love feeling special and loved. She asked him why hasn't he asked me out yet he said cause i said i wanna move slow an also because Basketball is really intense for him right now. So the next day at school he tells me he has to tell me something he tells me he smokes which i didnt have a problem with that so i made him promise to keep his mouth fresh the next time he kisses made it out of a little joke but he promised. We still kept talking we went to the park together talked i asked him what makes him so intrested in me he said my beautiful face and smile and personality and believe once i really open up i can be a great person,we did kiss i asked him about his ex girlfirend and he asked me about my ex-boyfirend. Him and his ex broke up because she wanted to run him know his whole schedule he said he felt he was being smushed. He asked for 2 pictures of me and i asked for 2 pictures of him and he has a video of me dancing. I'm a Ballet,hiphop,tap,jazz dancer.So we kepted texting kept in touch til he started getting distant one word anwsers. I told him he was irrtating me and bring me down he said nothing wrong with him told me that he finna play basketball and that he will text me later. That was the last text message from him i got in 3 days.I started getting scared thinking that he dosent care about me he never did he was just using me and now he off to another girl so i just thought he lost intrested so i texted him and saided i wanted to stay strictly acquaintances an told him that he is not someone im intrested in. He asked me why i feel this way. I told him everything i like and dislike and what i dislike about him and that i think if he is just stringing me along im not intrested. He said ok twice , I said i'm glad you understand and asked him did he feel the same way. He said kinda but he really likes me and the way he felted about me wasnt fake but he wishes i wasn't so scared im going to get hurt by him an that i take forever to actually enjoy someone. I told him i have a hard time trusting that he made me feel safe but when he drifted off i got scared and things were going hrough my head. He said he didnt want time to himself he said he's one of the basketball players that many colleges are looking at. I congratulated him told him that i got a scholarship for dance and that i was sorry for my trust issues and jumping to conclusions. He said he understands and asked if i was ok i told him im fine but i dont wanna just be firends an i dont wanna be a couple i wanna take my time he said he ok with that and that was the last time i talk to him. Its been 3 days i've been enjoying my life haha having fun with firends and praticng and focusing on dance. But im still confused about him i don't know what to do should i move on or just keep doing what im doing and give him space to focus on what hes doing. But what if he lost intrested in me i dont know what to do i'm not the kind to chase after any man and i like my freedom just ask much as he does but how much does he need gosh!!! Please help me
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broke up, cheated on me, his ex, kisser, liar, move on, my ex, player, shy, smokes, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 May 2012):
 Here's the thing it took me a long time to learn: if he wanted to be with you, he'd spend a lot of time and effort to do so. Some guys are lazy and put in just enough effort to keep a couple of girls interested but when it really matters, they don't actually commit. Others say what they mean and do what they say.... It'll be really obvious.Guys are better than girls (sorry for being politically incorrect, ladies) at following their own interests. If they like basketball, rugby, tennis, golf, whatever, they will schedule it. They may be interested in a girl but they won't allow that crush to interfere with their interests. They are more balanced that way, sometimes.Girls spend so much time on social interaction and their friends and thinking about what he or she may like or dislike and spend a great deal of time trying to work it all out. They forget to have their own interests and can't fathom why the object of their desire doesn't think like they do.Alas, my dear, he has his own life and he's not putting you in charge of it. That's the hard truth. He likes you but he's not giving everything up and becoming one half of a couple.I would let this one go. This one needs to spend some time pursuing you. He knows where you are and how to reach you. If he doesn't follow up in the next 2 weeks, assume that he's just moved on. It isn't a judgment on you or a pronouncement that you aren't worthy of dating. It just means that this boy, at this time in his life, isn't ready to put in the effort. You are worthy of the effort and of the energy and should continue doing all those positive things you said you were up to. Those are good things.Spend more time hanging with friends, eating right, loving your family and all will be well. This guy will be a distant distant memory in 10 years, I promise. You can come back and yell at me then if I'm wrong.
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