A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in a fix, in a relationship with a married man from 2 years, he separated from his wife, has one year old son. Our relationship overall is fine other than fights regarding his wife calling him and pestering. He is yet to apply for a divorce, wife's brother threatening him. When I ask him about our future together regarding marriage, he says he needs more time. He is scared now due to the threat calls. I gave him the option to get his wife and son back and let me go. He is not ready. He loves his son and does not want to lose him or me either. I am in a confused state as to what to do. Do I believe him and give him more time to get his problem sorted when we are already together for 2 years or just let him go.I am unmarried. When questioned regarding how much more time he requires, he is not sure. I have no idea when the divorce will be applied and approved. What should i do or how long more should I wait ???????
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2011): Dear OP,I am almost exactly in the same situation like your having now.. confused.. and sometimes depressed. to make the long story short, my bf and I are together for 4 yrs now.. in our 2 yrs I learned that he's still not divorce but separated he has 12 yo son.. I know he loves me and I love him dearly.. cos if not, I wouldn't sacrifice and willing to be with him for years but look for somebody else. sometimes its frustrating the fact that waiting for him how long, when its gonna happen and finally to be together and shout it to the world without worrying bout his wife and family and be together! that sometimes became the reason of our fights. he always tells me he has no idea and can't give me definite answer when, how and what to do to make it happen he doesn't wanna lose me and doesn't wanna lose his son too cos the wife doesn't wanna get divorce and threat him that she will take their son away from him and he doesn't want that to happen..so until now... I'm still here... waiting and still have hopes and believes in him.. waiting for somebody you don't know if in the end will end with you or not is such a pain.. but knowing that he's genuine with his feeling and there for me and I'm there for him worth the pain.. I know I sound hypocrite and people can say all they want to judge.. after all if I end up losing him one day and he choose to stay his marriage id be the one who will suffer not other people who will judge me.. in my situation I just need to be prepared and ready anytime.. but the unconditional love and trust and hope to that person is still there.. and if get lucky one day all pain and wait are will be all worth it.. its a risk and gamble your willing to take.. good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2011): @ Stephen: I know it is a really big gamble but in many ways our relationship is just superb, I do not want to lose him, neither him but question is can we really look to a future of marriage unless the divorce happens, wont it be a crime to do so ??
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A
male
reader, Stephen Stewart Nixon  +, writes (29 October 2011):
 Hi Anonymous, breaking up with someone is a very confusing and painful thing to do. Although someone makes the decision to break up it doesn't mean that they will not have second thoughts. People need time to completely recover from a break up which is bad news for anyone who gets caught up in the middle of the whole thing. So far as you are concerned you have to make the decision whether you are prepared to take the chance that your partner will find the courage to let go of his relationship. No one knows how long he needs or if he will finally make the right decision so far as you are concerned. While I have no doubt that you partner is genuine about how he feels for you I would advise you to be cautious because of the circumstances. You need to decide whether you are prepared to take the risk that you may lose him! You need to balance that risk against whatever else is out there and whether you are prepared to go on looking for your ideal partner. Sorry I cannot be more specific with my answer but it is a very tricky situation and no one can tell you what will become of it. It's a big gamble!
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