A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi.. firstly i am sorry if this query gets long.. me n my bf are in love for 3 n half yrs..we both share a very wonderful bond..he loves his family a lot and is very close to his younger sister..shares everything wit her n does everything to make her happy..but wen she 1st came to know bout us..she was pissed off very badly asked him to stop or tat she wud'nt talk to him..later on she never behaved properly wit me in public always avoids me..even after 3n half yrs the same continues..she never talks to me inspite of my efforts..but says to her brother tat she likes me a lot..i always felt tat she never liked me being close to her brother..comin to their home..being intimate wit her brother..talkin to him in phone wen she's around..sittin beside him..i find alot of things in her wich makes me think tat she cant bear the thought of me lovin or bein shared by her bro. wit me..she alwazz had been competing wit me in the matter of closeness, me n her bro. share..she feeds him food..wants him to wear wat she bought for him wen he meets her..wants to spend long hours together wit her bro. alone..cant tolerate me beside him..she very happy wen i am absent in his life even if its for a day n he's all hers..but b4 him he behaves differently..she never had any bf. til now she's a yr older to me..she knows how to put up a fight btw me n her bro. makin him feel tat she loves n cares him more than me..she alwaz says tat she wants a husband just like her bro. i don feel she's like a sister to him..more like my competent..i feel very weird n tired n scared of this..wat shud i do..am i judging wrong bout their relationship or is she too possessive of her bro. please clear my doubts regardin her.. is something wrong wit her..?? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2008): hello, this is very similar to what i am going through, i am around about the same age as u. my boyfriends sister was ok with me to begin with, but as shes growing up, she seems to think that she can make an opinion on everything, including our relationship. me and my boyf have been together 4-5 yrs, and in the last yr, shes always asking him if he cares more for me or his family, which is very silly. he replies back with 'i care for u all with the same amount but on diff levels'. i would never make him choose between me or his fam.
my advise to u would be, speak to ur boyfriend about the situation, speak calmly. when ur boyfriend is in the room, speak to his sister, tell her that her clothes are nice, sweeten her up abit. she cant be horrible or ignore u infront of ur boyfriend.
also, i reckon that once u and ur boyfriend are married, her opinion of u may change. because then u will be his wife, maybe this will being her to the realisation that you are now in her family.
do not see her as competition, or she will be winning this little game of hers. just see her as the pathetic sister. once she is married, she will realise how important relationships are, and she may backoff. but untill then, avoid any confrontations, and be as loyal as u can to ur boyfriend. do not let her manipulate ur boyfriend, when you and ur boyf hav initmate moments, take the advantage then, to kind of wrap him around ur little finger, tell him things that upset u then, but do not come across as u hate his sister, infact make out that u love her, and that u are worried ur loosing him to his family...
love and god bless
friend ;) x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008): Well, this is very unusual for a girl to be so possessive of her older brother. I know this sounds weird, but it sounds like maybe she has a serious crush on him. I think you should try and find out if there is some kind of sexual or near-sexual history between them. I have heard in India it is a practice for father or an older brother to take a girl's virginity as a way to prepare for having sexual relations with a man. I think you need to find out if something like that happened between your BF and his sister. If it did, it might have been such an emotional experience for her that she became attached to her brother. She may actually be in love with him or look up to him as a father figure in her life. She is clearly afraid of losing him, and quite frankly, it doesn't make sense to me as to why. I think you need to find out if something happened between them. The fact that she says she wants a husband who is just like her brother tells me she feels some kind of sexual or romantic love toward him. The sooner you find out if they did, the better you will able to understand and deal with her jealousy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2008): i think that maybe, her and her brother hav been very close or a very long time and that maybe, sice you have come along, and start spenidng a lot of time with her brother, se is jealous ecuase she isnt used to having sharing him.maybe something happened a long time ago and shes scared of losing him???or maybe, he may have been so close to him that she has developed feeling of him, herself, but is way to scared to admit it, so she doesnt likeyou hanging around withhim becuase thats exactly what she wants.bur dont blame her, after all, she cant help it, talk about it with ur bf, tell him how you feel, and if he understands then you can sort it out, but if he doesnt believe you, then ak yourself, is all this worthit, does he still love me???
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A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (7 June 2008):
 She has had her brother all to herself for all these years and is jealous that he loves you now. Just ignore her when she is like this, just be yourself and be extra polite to her no matter what you get back from her. She will grow up one day, probably when she has a man of her own to fill whatever she feels she needs from her brother. My daughter and son (16 and 14) hate each other so it is nice they get on even if they are a bit too close x
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