A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with this guy for 5 years. Our relationship started out sexual (bad start huh?). Then it grew to love. He was my first love and I lost my virginity to him also. I was 20 years old. He later, after a year, decided in his mind he didn't want to be with me. So he cheated on me. He didn't mention he cheated to me for 6 months after it happened. Yet alone, he got the other girl pregnant. I was so insecure and knowing he was my first love, I stayed with him and forgive him. 4 years have past and we fight a lot and it seems like I can't find it in my heart to forgive him. He doesn't treat me bad, nor does he act the way he did when I first meet him. I love him so much, I don't know if it's the whole first love syndrome, or what but I can't seem to let him go when we fight. What i want to know is, should I work it out with him or should I move on and go through self healing for my own good? Then sad part is, when I'm away from him....it breaks my heart. I miss him sooo much and it hurts. Then we end up together again. The sad part about this post is that my attitude has changed. I'm not the bubbly person I use to be. My guard is always up and I take words seriously and I get angry easily and annoyed. =(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2009): It is very easy to stay with your first love, but especially since you are having a hard time forgiving him, you must take time for yourself. You should explain to him how you are feeling, that you do not want to be unfair to him by staying with him, because you cannot help feeling the way you do...and that you need to go out on your own for a little while and get grounded again. You can tell him that you are soo in love with him, and you need to take this break for that reason, so you do not hurt him or yourself, and if things are meant to be, you will eventually be able to gain strength and look past it. It is not healthy to carry around that hurt in your heart. And before you can fully commit yourself to the relationship, you must take some time out for yourself. Go out with your friends and have a good time. Keep in touch with your boyfriend and see him as a friend, only if you can handle it. In these cases, sex and attraction are evil... because they can cause you to make decisions you would not make otherwise, if you were not "high" on hormones and thinking rationally. It may be a good idea, to seperate yourself from him for a while, if you know you cannot control yourself to stay away from him if when are physically close to him, which means taking extreme measures... going abroad somewhere or taking a job or studying something in another location. Use it as an excuse for personal growth, that you need to get out, clear your head and do your own thing for a while, possibly something you have always wanted to do in your life but never have,And then... if your feelings change towards him, you are happier without him, you do not meet anyone else that makes you happier... you can go get him, and have a relationship without feeling as weak, confused, sad, or angry...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2009): Well if you want to stay with him or not is rly up to you babe. It's about what you want and what you think will be better. I guess the cheating and getting the girl pregnant was bad, but sounds like he still love you (i think), and you love him as well. If you want to work it out with him you need to have a calm, non-argumentative talk with him about your feelings and what has been on your mind over the years. If possible ask him how he feels, and that you are willing to work it through. I am not sure exactly how to overcome this situations but, self healing is good, but his support is good as well. Ultimately it is choice you make for yourself to move on from the past when you decide to accept that it happened and that what is past can't be changed. So I guess I'm leaning to the side where you should try to work things out. This is something you both should work together on. Fighting will be in any relationship, and more than often guys will always mess up, some more major than others. This is all assuming that he still treats you nicely with love and respect though. I'm not entirely sure if you mentioned that.
Well good luck to you, though I hope you can explain things a little more to us/me :P
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (27 June 2009):
 I think you have to decide if you truly love this man or if you are in a pattern relationship. Sometimes it's hard to leave the first one because you don't know what's out there. Perhaps you think you'll never find someone as good. It's not a picnic out here, I'll say that but I also think you might benefit from a break to find yourself and your true feelings.
Your relationship is suppose to bring out the good in you and it seems to me it's brought out bitterness and has put some empty sadness into your heart. If you can not forgive this man for what he did 4 years ago that is also an indication that this might not be true love.
If you don't want to leave him then at least set some time aside for you to be out with friends and family and get to know yourself again. Also spend some time thinking-alone- about what you want in life. Can you imagine yourself with this man raising kids, trusting him and forgiving him? Whatever you think, there is life after a first love and there is life after a break up.
All my best....
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