A
female
age
36-40,
*r.2.be
writes:I broke up with my boyfriend a little over a month ago. When we first met he was a sweetheart and would do anything for me and made me feel very special. He was proud of my medical studies as I am a med student and he was very encouraging but after a while things deteriorated. I broke up with him after awhile because I could not stand it anymore, he was getting in the way of my schoolwork. He became very possessive and he would call me over 8 times a day and when I would not answer he would call me like five times in a row and leave a nasty message accusing me of cheating or not caring about him. He would want me to call him before I went to bed, when I got up in the morning, after class, after my hospital work, after basically everything and when I didn't he got really mad. One time I was up late studying for exams and I didnt call him before bed, I got up early and went to class and didn't call him, I didnt call him before lab or after lab. I had like 15 missed calls from him on my cell and 6 messages from him. This was over a span of like a day and a half. When he called again I answered and he totally flipped out on me accusing me of not caring about our relationship, cheating, etc. and He also constantly baby talked to me, and it wasn't occasional, he did it with nearly every word he spoke when talking to me. For example he would sometimes say: Okayies I will let you go to beddies babies. or are you done studyingie for the nighty? I told him to die down on the baby talk cause it was getting out of hand and he blew up telling me that I am so critical of him and can't accept the way he is. In reality I just told him to stop calling me so much, and would say "i am not cheating I am stuyding cause I am a med student I dont have enough time to sleep with guys and go out like you think I am." He would also get mad at me if I had to study and get off the phone early. My academics seemed to aggravate him sometimes.So here is what I am asking about: ever since I broke up with him, he has been very nasty to me, saying its all my fault, I ruined his life, I left him for another guy (he stalked me on facebook and found out that I went to see Star Trek with one of my physiology classmates who was a guy.) which made him extremely angry leading to the many F bombs. F me, F my career, F whatever, etc. He accused me of being selfish and not knowing what I am. quote from a message: "you f-ing go out with another guy after breaking up with me? I knew it, I knew it, i wasn't f-ing good enough for you, you selfish arrogant b*tch. Im sorry im not in college, im sorry im not studying medicine, im sorry about being me which you can't accept." All messages he sent me were major let downs and it really took at HUGE toll on me. I have told him he needs to move on. I need to concentrate on my education now. When he is not angry he makes me feel guilty by saying he was proud of what I was going for and loves how he is dating a doctor to be. He cries all the time and says he can't date anybody else and needs a girlfriend and that I was the one. He did mention before that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and that really freaked me out. But on the other hand he got so nasty with me. He is just far too clingy.Why doesn't he just leave me alone. I am getting sick and tired of his harassment and I can't see how someone can be so obsessed with another person.Thanks for reading this, sorry that it was long. =/
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2009): Well I'm happy if things do work out now and you can finally move on with your life a little ^^
A
female
reader, dr.2.be +, writes (27 June 2009):
dr.2.be is verified as being by the original poster of the question Hey y'all, thanks for the replies. I continued to talk to him cause I felt really bad and wanted to make him feel better. Bad choice, he just made me feel bad. Im not going to talk to him anymore and just ignore him. Hes a loser anyway.
I think part of it is that he is jealous, Im in med school and he failed out of high school and never went to college, doesnt have a job and has a drug addiction. I also paid for everything all the time so he may have been after money too although its a struggle for me to make ends meet since im in school and I don't work because the course load is so incredibly intense. And yes, he is very needy and Im independent, I dont want a guy like that.
The thing that upset me was he made me feel like I was a stuck up biatch thinking I was better than everybody else because of what I am doing and very shallow. I tried to prove to him that I wasn't by attempting to make him feel better. Everybody I know thinks I am very modest and humbled by my achievement and its true cause I don't see why I should talk about it unless its relevant to the situation. Oh well like you guys said he was trying to manipulate me into a relationship again.
Star Trek was a really good movie, I am actually going to see it again with my friend on IMAX this time. :-)
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2009): For the most part don't feel guilty or too down about him or what he is going through. All you have to do is realize he needs a completely different type of girl. You can tell he needs someone who completely depends on him, and thus a person he can control to do whatever he wants while he takes no responsibility. While being so blind about what he thinks you want, he has no idea about what you really need or needed in a guy. Breaking up was the best thing you can do for him.
If you do get a message to him, just tell him that he still needs to move on and stop blaming you for everything, coz no matter what you told him he would reject everything and refused to understand or listen. But ultimately I don't know if a guy like him would ever change for the better in his later years lol. Star Trek was nice though right? ^^
Well I would follow the other poster's advice, and block him and do whatever it takes to get rid of him from your life. You don't need that kind of crap right now and there's is not much you can say to him...in fact the more you tell him may encourage him. That may go against what I said at 1st but ultimately yeah, ignore him. Just remember that his actions spoke a lot louder than words so thank god u got rid of him.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2009): The same thing happened to me to with boyfriend. I was in the last year of business school, vice president of an organization, working on honors projects, and trying to learn another language. I was stressed beyond belief, and he treated me very similarly to how it sounds your ex is treating you. To be honest, I tried breaking up with my boyfriend at the time, but I knew it would cause even more troubles and stress than what I was already going through. I finally was able to get him to at least semi admit to me, why he was acting in such a manner. - he was jealous, that I excelled, cared about my studies, and was driven- he felt badly because he felt he could not compete - he was lonely, and needy-and not only did he "love" me, which obviously he did not know what the meaning of the word was... but was completely obsessed with me......how, I have no idea, but my life was crazy, my grades ended up falling, he was calling me off the hook!!! He even got mad when I took a vacation with my girlfriend, or went on with my family!!!! He was pyscho!!! It sounds exactly like your situation, except for the fact my bf was studying at the time, but neglected his studies and did not care very much about his grades. Kudos to you though- because it seems like you have all of this already figured out!!! And Good Riddance!!!!Block him from everything you possibly can!!!! Defriend all of your mutual friends on facebook, even getting rid of facebook for a while may help you. Never answer his calls. He will leave you alone, eventually, but it just takes time... and I mean maybe a half of years time. Then, he will be onto his next victim.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2009): This is all about control - his NEED/ desire to control you. Block his calls, do not respond to letters, emails, gifts etc. If necessary, get a restraining order! And be grateful you saw this side of him before y'all considered marriage! Focus on your studies -
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A
female
reader, KatieKyle +, writes (27 June 2009):
I think you may need to change your phone number and get a restraining order on this guy. You shouldn't have to put up with his crap. He can go to hell if he cant move on. And don't feel guilty, if he knows that he'll just think that you still have feelings for him in some way. Block his number, put your Face Book and Myspace pages(if you have one) on private...do whatever you have to.
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