A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm confused about my feelings for my fuck buddy. I broke up with my ex-boyfriend last summer and hooked up with this guy really quickly after that. At first, I wasn't interested in a more serious relationship. We've known each other for several years (not that well, though), and I know that he's never been in a serious relationship before. At first, it seemed to me that he maybe wanted something more (that could've been just me misreading and over-analyzing his signals), but I think I made it pretty clear that I didn't.We don't see each other that often. Lately, I've been thinking of him in a more romantic way for a while after we've seen each other, but these feelings usually disappear after a while. Now he's all I can think about. Last time we met, we kind of talked about our "relationship" and he said he didn't want more, at least not at the moment. (yes, I know it's highly unlikely he'll madly fall in love with me if he hasn't done so by now). I'm starting to feel I want more out of the relationship, but the thing is, I don't know if I want more just because I probably never will, or because I have sincere feelings for him. In the past I've always been in steady relationships and I'm not used to these kind of arrangements. In the beginning I would text him and ask him to come over and he always did, now it seems it's the other way around. If I text him, he's sometimes really slow in answering. When this thing started it wasn't just about the sex. It was about the sleeping together, the cuddling and all that. Last time he came over he did't even spend the night and I kind of feel used. I guess my question is, what do I do about this situation? I know I probably should end this, but I want to see if there could be something more. Do I have the right to feel crappy and used, when I'm the one who started this? How do I know if my feelings for him are real? Or do I think I'm interested in him only because there aren't any other interesting men around at the moment? Or do I want him because I probably never will get him?
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male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (3 March 2011):
"Do I have the right to feel crappy and used, when I'm the one who started this?"
Of course you don't have the right. You've got the relationship you wished. Get over it.
"How do I know if my feelings for him are real? Or do I think I'm interested in him only because there aren't any other interesting men around at the moment? Or do I want him because I probably never will get him?"
Unless you did the same before, we can't say we have a pattern here. So, why would you think you want him because you know you won't have him? Are you that sure? If you are, what's the point in asking us what to do? It doesn't matter if you won't have him.
All this mess is why I consider sex-only relationships not healthy for most of people out there.
A
female
reader, NekoRaiga  +, writes (3 March 2011):
Interesting. I'm in the start phase of a similar relationship right now, so it's interesting to see this. What I would do is to talk to him about what you feel and take careful note of his reaction and opinions. Do this before your feelings grow too strong, and be ready for a possible break in the "relationship" while keeping a positive lookout. I often tell boys that they should listen to their own advice: "Don't imply things, don't be obvious, tell me straight out if you have something to say to me or else I won't get it."
One thing you probably should put into concideration is that girls seem to fall for guys they have sex with quite easily. Or so I've heard.
I can't tell you what you feel as I'm confused myself about this point, and only you can truly know what your feelings tell you, but I wish you best of luck.
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