A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I dated what seemed to be a great guy for 3 months. Very good to me. He chased me, called / texted daily. He had been heart broken due to his fiancé leaving him for another man months before. He was honest about all that and was trying to move on. Seemed happy to be with me and excited. He became distant towards the end of our courtship, not wanting to get together, aloof..I really thought there must be another woman he was into. We go into a slight argument on the phone and he hung up. We went No contact for 3 months. I get in the mail and 3 page apology note. Talking about his ex and how he was very angry and took it out on me. Saying something prevented him the ability to love and be loved, he was a ticking time bomb waiting to explode, went on to say how great, beautiful, smart, ect. I am and asked to be a part of my life again if I would have him. Promised that he didn't date but used that time to be alone. That's the letter in a nutshell. Here is where I am confused. We have hung out twice , he is affectionate, we have been intimate, acts like it was when we dated before but when I go home ( live 2 hours away) Contact is very slow. Text some here and there..maybe talk on the phone once a week or every few weeks. I asked what his intentions were with me and he said he really didn't know. I asked if he could just be my friend and he said yes, but he would still be very attracted to me and that it might be hard for him to see me with another man but would be my friend. What?!! I am so mad and confused. Is he using me? Did he write that letter to just be my friend? Not over ex so does that mean he is emotionally unavailable? When I do talk to him he wants to know if I am dating or intimate with anyone and seems jealous. But he does not make much effort to see me....Is he possibly afraid of a relationship due to not wanting to me hurt again? I didn't think a player would write a letter like that to someone but his lack of contact makes me wonder. emotionally unavailable ... What do you think ?
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his ex, jealous, move on, my ex, player, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2013): Thanks everyone for your thoughts. I am not waiting around on him, and I have been dating others. But in the back of my mind I still think about him and wonder what he is thinking. I thought he could be a player, but would players really sit down and write an almost 3 page letter and then mail it ? His Ex is still with the man she left him for. I know it crushed him, and it might take forever for him to get past that. ? Who knows..everyone is different.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2013): I'm not being mean...but...you're his rebound and booty call, nothing more...Ew...Ew again!...You're in love with a man who's in love with his ex...Wake up and walk away...Have more respect for yourself than for someone who has no respect for you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2013): He's trying to use you as his "rebound" girl. You warm his bed and fill his lonely nights. He isn't over his ex. He goes through bouts of anxiety when he breaks no-contact with his ex, then goes into hiding.He is on and off with his communication; because he only wants to hear from you when he needs sex.If he wants to be friends, leave sex out of it. Keep your options open. He may not be a player normally, but he is now.Don't attach. It's going to be a roller-coaster ride until he gets through the the emotional throws of his breakup.You'll be better off keeping it platonic; and seeing other men if you darn well feel like it.Why should his ex upset him, if they're apart? She's rejecting him and he isn't handling it well.He's a ticking time-bomb!?Huge bright red-flag!!!
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (12 October 2013):
 I don't think he's a player and I don't think he's using you.
I think his ex really hurt him and he's really confused.
I think he probably really likes you and he's already said he's attracted to you but it's too soon emotionally for him to consider commitment of any kind.
If you really like him and think there may be a future for you two then be patient.
Be there to listen and support him but take it slow.
Don't open yourself up to hurt though. You'll need to be sensitive to him but don't make it all about him.
Think about what you need, want and can handle and go with it.
I hope this helps AB x
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