A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So my freshmen year of college I met this guy and I liked him right off the bat, but there were complications because his best friend really liked me. Anyways, the guy I liked started really liking me back, and told me he loved me. I had to reject him at the time because i felt weird about his best friend. He continued to try and pursue me for the entire year. At the end of freshmen year, I finally let everything go and told him that i liked him too. I lost my virginity to him and we had sex 4 times over the summer (i was living in another state at the time). I was very reluctant when he told me he wanted to date me when the school year started because there was still awkwardness between me and his best friend, and because he is kind of a player, and i was afraid he would hurt me. At the end of the summer, he randomly found another girl even though he told me that he wanted to date me when our sophomore year started. He is now in a long distance relationship with this other girl, but now i realize how much i truly want to be with him. We still talk and he invites me to parties but he claims that it is just as friends. When we were drunk he told me that he still has feelings for me, but he cant do anything about it because he is with someone else. I have told him that i still want to be with him. He is my first love and I dont know what to do. I just want him back. What should i do? And what do you think he is thinking?
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best friend, drunk, long distance, lost my virginity, player Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Miss.Cupid +, writes (12 October 2013):
 I believe reason he found someone else is because he tried getting over you. he doesn't seem much of a player, if he was he'd try to make moves on you and every other girl. I believe he doesn't want to mess anything up with his best friend. maybe all his best friend does is talk about how much he wants you, so this guy doesn't want to ruin a friendship. I don't think you should hang out with him as much as you seem to. if he invites you somewhere decline. and barely talk to him. and as for his best friend completely ignore that guy because that's when the best friend will stop his feelings for you. I don't think there's anything you can do at this point. a drunk mind does speak a sober heart, so I do believe the feelings he has for you are true. the advice I have for you is cut all contact with him and his best friend. if he asks you why you're ignoring him just simply state that youre respecting his relationship. if he doesn't want to lose you he'll let go of the relationship he is currently in. good luck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2013): He is thinking maybe he can land both you and the long term GF at the same time. A girl in both ports, so to speak. The idea is classic Player 101. Try to get you to start sleeping with him again before he takes any definitive steps like breaking up with the other girl or officially committing to you.
If the plan works then you will give in to your feelings and start sleeping with him again to nudge the process along quicker, and PRESTO! He has what he wants! He drags his feet for a while, keeping both options open, and continues this until you eventually get tired of waiting on him. That may be a long time if you are like many girls in your shoes. He gets to have both girls the whole time as long as he can keep you two from crossing paths. With the other girl being long distance that sounds pretty easy.
Give him an ultimatum that he has to officially break it off with the long-term GF or else you won't restart anything sexual with him.
Do not tell yourself that you will sleep with him a few more times and then make the demand & cut him off until he leaves her. It won't work. You probably won't be able to stop very easily after getting hooked on him again. And if he has had you again lately then he is less likely to drop the other girl even if you do cut him off again.
Do you understand the principle here? Demand that he leave the other girl FIRST. Then sleep with him again SECOND. DO NOT COMPROMISE ON THIS POINT OR YOU WILL GET USED.
You have been warned.
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