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male
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anonymous
writes: Right I'm having a problem, and I've tried hard to ignore it for my sake and for my families sake, and ESPECIALLY my parents. but I'm afraid it's not changing. This might be long so please bare with me, I need to get this off my chest.I'm single, 22 and confused about who and what I am.I've never had a girl friend, and I haven't been sexually active.I think I might be gay, and that makes me nervous and sick.I find myself attracted to a guy quicker than a girl.I'm trying to ignore it, and block those feelings but it's getting more powerful.My excuse for not having a gf in my familys eyes, or what i'm trying to show is i'm very busy with work, and studying, so it leaves little time for me to have that commitment. I don't act at all gay, and they don't suspect a thing, and when I see a pretty girl on tv, or pub, I always comment on how beautiful and hot she is, provided I do find her attractive, but if I do find her attractive, my eyes wonder to the nearest hot guy, and I'm more attracted in more ways to him, than her.I can see myself with a woman, but then she needs to be really the perfect one, one that I'd be attracted to both emotionally and physically turned on? I'd be with a woman to make my family and friends proud and be sociably accepted, and not judged, but I find myself physically turned on by men.I think on the rare occassion There might have been ONE, ONLY ONE girl that i saw and my jaws dropped, and my body reacted, but thats very rare. Quicker a guy leaves me in that state.Whats happening with me, is there a way that I can switch this off? I know thats pathetic, but geeeesss like I'm stressing.If I had a girlfriend, she needs to be perfect and I need to be attracted to her in every way possible, and when i look at her i want to hold her, touch her, kiss her, and want to rip her clothes off, but when I think of the damn guy, it overpowers that feeling and it intensifies that desire to be with a man. WHAT AM I, I'm confused.My family and friends are ANTIGAY. Always insulting homos, and the though of hurting my family is so great that I think id prefer to be single then hurt them with this, or run away to another place or country where i can be who i think i am? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, matron +, writes (25 June 2006):
 Your family and freinds love you and although it may be hard at first they would still love and respect you, those that are true freinds that is. those that decide they dont agree with who you truly are are really not worth bothering with. Your family may be shocked but hopefully they will come round and support you, parents love unconditionally, some fathers do turn against their sons when they discover they're gay, but thats only because they are embarrassed and afraid of what people will say, they feel it attacks their macho manly image, which ofcause it doesn't, but they still love their sons and are afraid for them and up against it they defend them.
Please dont live a lie to keep everyone else happy, you deserve to be happy and things may be difficult for a while but they will settle down and you will be accepted by those that matter to you. good luck cherub x
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2006): Hey man, don't worry about it:) I am a gay 21 year old whose parents were anti-gay also. I was raised in the Church of Christ were every Sunday we heard what a perversion to God homosexuality was, and they were always making jokes and stuff about it. When I was raped and filed a report with the police, my parents found out. My mom hit my cheek with her ring and cut it open and my dad punched me in the face. They have gotten over it, even met my boyfriend I left home to live with, and they love him. Before I realized I was gay, I was feeling like you do about women. Not that I am trying to tell you that u are gay, you could just as well be bisexual. You just have to realize that you should do whatever makes you happy and follow who you really are. Good luck man.
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A
female
reader, helena +, writes (13 June 2006):
 hey, sounds to me that u are bisexual, i always think that what makes you happy is more important than pleasing other people. u only live once so make the most of everything. maybe experiment male and female when u are ready to take that step, i think then you will know 'who' you are. good luck helena xx
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A
female
reader, auntie claire +, writes (13 June 2006):
 dear reader, instead of being gay have you thought about you being bisexual or even biocurious? Don't let it worry you that your sex life is a big poor your not the only one. i think you should think of yourself for a while and what you want don't worry about how everyone else will react you need to be happy and you are dame sure intitled to it.may i put it to you to have a look at a few web sites there are plenty out there and even support groups. you need to find the real you.i wish you all the very best of luck and i would like it if you could keep me posted i feel deeply for you as i have been through a similar type of thing myselftake good care of yourself xxx
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A
female
reader, camille  +, writes (13 June 2006):
 Firstly try not to panic. Whatever you 'are', you are you and you are normal. Don't let family or friend's prejudices confuse, upset and especially guide you. If you haven't had any sexual activity as yet, you just perhaps haven;t found the right whoever, whether a boy or a girl. It does sound like you could be more attracted to men than women but as you are actually attracted to both, perhaps your are bisexual. Try not to fight whatever you're feeling as if you try to change, you will end up sad, lonely and totally miserable just to please others and that's no way to live your life. So be happy with who you are and most importantly, just BE who you are.
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