A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi!I am a 31 years old woman single and a virgin. I live in Pakistan where you can only have a relationship when you are married. SO arrange marriages are usually the case here. I married six years ago to a guy but we ended up divorced. Now I am scared of getting married again not because of commitment but because now I hate to associate with people. People get on my nerves and I can't tolerate them. It is extremely difficult for me to accept someone in my life. My parents are extremely worried about me not able to find me a descent proposal and the ones who come to meet me are not so good to be with. I really don't want to be in a relationship with someone I don't like. We usually have arranged marriages and so far I haven't met anyone that I like. I am a very romantic and choosy person. What should I do? How can I convince myself? I am really confused. When I think about marriage I imagine myself dead and defeated! It is scary. Please can anyone suggest me some practical and logical solutions???
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2014): Take it from me who married despite all the voice inside me telling me that I shouldn't. Now I regret being married because a month after I did. I met someone that feels is the one I've been waiting for. I married the person I was with for more than 5yrs but I felt I never really loved. I married him out of loyalty and friendship but I wasn't ready to settle down. I wanted to go after my career and personal dreams first but he convinced me that I can do it even after marriage. Now, I'm miserable and wanted out but he's guilt-tripping me to stay and because I think marriage is a sacred thing, I feel trapped into staying because I made this bad decision and I have to live with it. My husband is a good man and I don't want to hurt him by leaving him.DON'T get married if something tells you inside that you shouldn't. Even if people would logically explain that it is the right decision, DON'T listen to them, this is YOUR LIFE that you will have to live with for the rest of your life.You are lucky to get out of the first one. One day, you WILL meet someone who feels right, even then, don't rush into it. Take your time to know what you're getting into. OR you can live as Single for the rest of your life. There's nothing wrong with that. You can accomplish many things and help many people by doing so.Figure out what will make YOU HAPPY. That is the most important factor you need to gauge - your happiness, not your husband's, or your parents etc. etc. - you do what makes you have least regrets in your life. Take it from me, the other picture is worse.May God bless you.
A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (23 October 2014):
Dear OP,
Don't try to convince yourself about anything you're not comfortable with. It doesn't matter if your parents are worried. In my opinion it's better to stay unmarried than to be married to the wrong man. I don't know how life is in Pakistan, and if it's also financially or otherwise important to be married for you. I know in some cultures, it can be hard, being unmarried, and people look down on you and think what's wrong with you. But please, if you can somehow manage, stay choosy! And chose only a man that you love, that you like, that you want to get to know and spend time with! I don't think you are doing anything wrong. You've been through a marriage and a divorce already, so I believe it's a good thing you don't jump right into the next marriage.
My logical and practical solution would be: Just keep looking for a good guy. Be patient. Don't lose hope! Maybe you can find a man who is a little older and also has had a divorce, so he can understand what you've been through and he's not as naive as a man who is getting married for the first time.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (23 October 2014):
There is no point at all to get married unless you care and respect that person and in your case i can well understand your situation as it is the 2nd time round for you. Dont get married unless you are as sure as anyone that your going to be happy.Take your time and dont rush into a marraige that you would not be happy in.It will take time.Kind wishes .NORA B,
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