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Confused about being friends with my ex

Tagged as: Teenage, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 May 2011) 6 Answers - (Newest, 31 May 2011)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

hey everyone and sorry if this is a bit long:

me and my ex went out for just over 8 months, things were good , only had one arguement in that time. however one day he decides to just tell me he's met someone else ( basically broke up) i obv was heartbroken, however i was civil and i said okay thats fine . he still wanted use to be friends and i agreed to it. he didnt talk to me for two weeks. after a while i went away for a bit, when i came back, a close friend of mine who also had a crush on me before but obv i was with my ex then , he asked me out and i said yes.

Now this guy is wonderful , treats me perfectly and as we've known each other for a long time, i can talk to him about everything , its like the perfect relationship! now my ex decides to start talking to me again, doesnt apologise or anything just expects everything to be like it was before when we were dating. Things with the other girl he met didn't work out apparently. now i am not just something he can pick up and drop anytime he likes , however as he was my first boyfriend i still have strong feelings for him. i control them, but we've started talking everyday again, he usually initiates the conversation. I love my boyfriend and he is amazing but i still have feelings for my ex and i am so confused right now, he's not a bad person. I dont know what to do ! any advice?

Thank you in advance for any advice :) x

View related questions: broke up, crush, heartbroken, my ex

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A female reader, Fate100percent United Kingdom +, writes (31 May 2011):

Only you can really decide what to do, but keeping in touch with you ex every day seems a little weird (and is not really fair to the new good guy in your life) Either tell the ex you have moved on, and would like no contact or occassional contact (if that's what you want) or ask if he wants to give it another go if that's what you want.

I would not like a new boyf receiving text's from the ex everyday tbh! How would you feel if the new guy was texting his ex everyday btw...?Just something to think about... :-)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thank you so much for your advice

i have now officially got rid of my ex from my life :)and i love my boyfriend lots

thank you once again! xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011):

Your ex threw you away for another woman, and now that the woman who he threw you away for has put Karma to him and thrown him away, he's trying to weasle his way back into your life to womanize you again and ambush your first rate relationship. Show him just how much he flatters you; Throw his lame ass away. He's a certified jackass, just don't ever again allow him to be yours. Stay with your lovely boyfriend.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2011):

"now i am not just something he can pick up and drop anytime he likes"

Actually that's exactly what you are, he threw you away and when things didn't work out with this other girl he has picked you up again.

Does your new boyfriend deserve this? How is he going to react when he finds out?

Make your choice OP because you can't have them both and you will lose this new guy if you keep this crap up with your ex.

The best thing for you to do is to tell your new guy that you're still emotionally involved with your ex and that you're basically emotionally cheating on him because you are and then let him make the choice for you.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom +, writes (30 May 2011):

N91 agony auntDo not let him worm his way back into your life and break the relationship between you and your boyfriend who you love.

He has hurt you before and will do it again!

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (30 May 2011):

YouWish agony auntOh geeze...NO! Stop talking to your ex! Do not be friends with him. Stop thinking about him, except that he discarded you like a tin can and now wants to try to get at you again because he was dumped.

Why give up the really good guy you have for this other guy?

This is not your strong feelings about your ex. This is about your ego. You were dumped, and now he regrets it and seems to want you back. That feels good to be vindicated like that and intoxicating. Add to that the fact that his attentions to you feel really good.

But remember this well = he dumped you. He'll do it again. Think about why he is your ex, and think about why he broke up with that other girl. Don't hurt the man you really love (i.e. your boyfriend) and do to him what your ex did to you.

Cut off all contact and do not be friends with your ex in the slightest. Not if you love your boyfriend.

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