A
female
age
41-50,
*olareese
writes:So, out of nowhere 6 months ago a random facebook friend stole my heart. He wished me a happy birthday, charmed me right off of my feet and for a few months after that we chatted incessantly, day and night. He's a world traveling performance artist and extremely intelligent, handsome, and charming. He helped me through a really rough pregnancy and a cancer diagnosis (he didn't know about the cancer) by just being there and being very supportive and never judgmental. After a few failed attempts at meeting up (on both our parts) things stalled and eventually died. We haven't had any serious contact in weeks. I don't harbor any ill will towards the guy and I still think of him fondly at times for all that he knowingly and unknowingly helped me through. That was until I was contacted by a very young girl claiming to be said guys gf of (guess what) six months. Very young girlfriend and not even 18 yet from the Philippines. He's in his early 30's. This girl is heartbroken and sad that she can't break up with him, but she feels he's seeing other girls and ignoring her. She's convinced she's in love. I feel compelled to comfort her talk to her and support her because she is so sweet and hurt. But now I really want to slam this cavalier cad that has been nothing but nice to ME if not a little flaky. I'm torn and I have no clue of what to do. Slam or soothe? Or both and how?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2016): Something is not right here. Please be extra cautious with this very young girlfriend from the Philippines!! Make sure not to provide her with any personal information about yourself. I am sorry to say nowadays there are plenty of weird people out there, you can never know. What I don't understand is how this girlfriend managed to contact you? Why would your FB friend talk about you to his "girlfriend" but he never mentioned anything about her to you? This doesn't make any sense. Be careful and take it easy.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (16 February 2016):
 This girl has red flags all over her, to be honest. For one thing, we don't know if what she says is true or accurate. She might have a crush on him and may be reading way more into what is really just a friendship. And for another she sounds very needy, clingy and unstable. I suspect much of that is her personality and age, but the fact that she is far away from home makes her more vulnerable and therefore more of a potential problem.
Besides, there is no expectation of exclusivity the moment you express interest in someone. He may have been chatting with her back then, realised what she was about and decided to keep some distance.
Do NOT try to comfort her or become her confidant. If you do she's going to become a big headache for you. She'll never give you a moments peace and/or she'll start blaming you and become hostile.
I would steer clear of her and just treat the man as a friend, which is all he is.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 February 2016):
 Honestly, I'd just block her and leave his woman-troubles to him to deal with.
And I'd see him not as a potential partner but friend only and adjust the communication to match that.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (16 February 2016):
 Sometimes it's not your battle. Don't feel you have to involve yourself further. This person helped you through a difficult time. Take the good from it.
And as a side question, why is the Filipina girl contacting you? How did she get your address? What does she expect from you? Be a little cautious. Things aren't always what they seem.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2016): Not sure what he did wrong (bar dating a too young woman! But that's besides the point) sounds like he was just being a friend, I didn't find anything in what you wrote as to meaning he was showing a romantic interest
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A
female
reader, Tottochan  +, writes (16 February 2016):
You say he's a performance artist who's travelled the world - are you sure she's not simply a lovestruck fan?
Why don't you ask him about this and see what he has to say first?
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