A
female
age
41-50,
*enstanf
writes:oman, my husband took a promotion at work to get into management. I didn't understand why he needed to take it because he gets the jobs that no one else wants and is constantly away from home for long periods of time. This has put a strain on our marriage and our sex life. When I tried to talk to him about it he told me to take up a ceramic class or something to take up my time. Last week I went to a wine tasting at a local winery. I met a very nice couple and we sat and chatted for a long time. Before we said our goodbyes we exchanged emails and phone numbers because we live very close to one another. During the week we started emailing back and forth and that led to texting. During our texting she started asking me personal questions and I started confiding in her about what was going on with my sexlife. The texting got pretty heated that night and the next. she told me they are swingers and have been involved with married women many times. They have asked me to come over during the week for dinner and drinks, she even told me they smoke pot, I told her I haven't done that in years and she said it will be fun. I know what they want just not sure what to do
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at work, period, sex life, swinging, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Jenstanf +, writes (17 February 2016):
Jenstanf is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well last night my husband and I had a long talk about everything that is going on in our lives. When we were finished he had made me feel like the biggest whore on the planet. He told me it's not normal for a wife to have thoughts about sex like I do and even told me that he would seek professional help for me. He was very upset that not only did I not throw out the vibrator but that I used it. He told me that using it was showed my infidelity to him. I told him that sex is a big part of a relationship and being separated all the time isn't. He told me he is trying to secure our retirement for the future and that is what I should be focused on also. I asked him this! You want me to sit home for another 30 years and plan for our retirement? This is what I told him! I worked hard to get my nursing degree, then to get my Masters in Health care management, after working for a hospital I moved to a major health insurance company were I have work my way up to the position I have now! I am the northeast director of long term home care. I have a good retirement in place.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 February 2016):
 As a former swinger I can tell you that a 3 way is in your future if you go over there.
IF you want to do this you must discuss it with and obtain approval and permission from your husband BEFORE you do it.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (16 February 2016):
 You are on a crossroads of making a mistake every cheating wife does: instead of running to your husband to fix your marriage and get the attention you crave, you, instead, run to strangers thinking that they will fill the void of your neglect when instead all they can do is ruin what's left of your marriage.
In this particular circumstance, that couple is like an enterprise that seeks new recruits because no amount of people will ever satisfy their sexual desires. So they preyed on your vulnerability and have now planted a seed of doubt that you will be happy with them. The thing with sexual stuff is that once you do it there is no going back on it.
Had this situation been right, I'm sure you would not come here to ask us about it. When something is right, you just know it. Getting involved with this couple is flat out cheating on your part. Is that a right thing to do?
And think how your life was just before you met this couple: you had no dilemma, you had no doubts, no confusion, nor were you in this dire need to act on some sexual stuff that hadn't even crossed your mind. I'd suggest that you delete their email, block their phone permanently, then call your husband and find ways to spark the romance with him. That spark will remove your vulnerability that you are experiencing now, and nobody will then be able to plant ideas in you that will doubt your commitment to your husband.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (16 February 2016):
 This could go two ways... either you could get your husband into this lifestyle with you and this other couple, or... you could go ahead into the lifestyle without your husband and totally destroy your marriage.
I do suggest marriage counselling, your husband needs to understand that you NEED more of a marriage with him and that going to ceramic classes etc is not going to solve the problem.
It is unfortunate that so many marriages end due to neglect, and this is what is happening with your marriage.
Honeygirl
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (16 February 2016):
 Ask your husband how he feels about it, if he would be interested too. If he is up for it then all groovy. if not and you still choose to catch up knowing the likely outcome then you're cheating and like you say your marriage is in a bit of trouble as it is. IMHO I don't think the sex act itself is as devastating as the deception when it comes to cheating, regardless if it is with the same sex or not. Yes, it sounds exciting, I get that, but how exciting is having to sit back and see hubby deal with a broken heart? You on the other hand deserve more than to be told to take up ceramics if you are crying out for the marriage. You haven't done anything -yet, maybe an open and honest conversation with hubby that you momentarily entertained the thought may be enough of a jolt for him to take your pleas more seriously. Just my 5 cents worth- Good luck to you both
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