A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: So I've been seeing this girl now, but she has a boyfriend. ive been basically living at her place for a couple weeks now and she tells me she loves me and wants to be with me. Shes very close with his family and they have been together for a long time. She's telling me she can't just call him and say it's over but she said she will eventfully do it when the times right. She tells me that his parents and family are family to her bc they've known each other since she was a kid. She told me he loves her and she cares an loves him like family.. But doesn't see a future with him..etc.. but that she basically loves me and is with me.. (Introducing me to her friends, telling me all about him, always hanging out together etc..) Obviously it's awkward and complicated situation- Any advice on how to go through this and what she's going through-
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2016): Both of you are cheating on her boyfriend; and of course you can overlook that. Being the one to benefit from it.
No, she is not a good girl if she betrays the trust of someone who may love her; and the best she can do is wait for a convenient time to break his heart. She is only trying to save face with his family. It's best to be honest and just allow him to go through the process of recovery after the breakup. She is doing exactly what I said. She is enjoying the benefits of two men, who offer her everything she wants.
That's very selfish and entitled.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (17 February 2016):
 You can say that she is a good girl until you are blue in the face, it won't make a blind bit of difference. The truth is staring you in the face, you have plenty of people here telling you to be careful but you are burying your head in the sand. I wish you good luck as you will need it.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (16 February 2016):
 OP: You may say, and write, anything you'd like to justify this preposterous situation..... BUT....
.... the bottom line is that there is NOTHING in it for YOU... and EVERYTHING in it for her.
How will you feel in two years when you've been duped for those 24 months.... and she sez: "Oooops, I forgot to tell you.... that you're just a sort-of boy-toy for me...."
Good luck (You'll need it!!!)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the responses- I didn't know she had a bf when we met. She told me a short time after things got serious. We actually just talked about this last night - and it came to the fact that we haven't known each other very long but our feelings are very strong.. She told me she lived a simple secure life with him- she's known them since she was a child.. But she tells me she loves me and wants to make sure that I'm serious about being with her and she wants to see all the sides of me bc honestly we've just had good times and sex.. She's not using me for money bc she has more and she pays more then I do.. I know everyone's looking at her as the bad girl but she's not all that.. I know bc I'm the player type.. She's a smart girl who has a comfortable simple life with someone.. I came in her life out of no where. and I gave her my heart.. She definitely finds me somewhat attractive and we definitely have strong chemistry and love. We are at the point now that we are going to get to know each other bc she has a couple months till her semester is over.. i can't just do the distance thing with her and say call me when u dump him.. We are beyond that. I just want some feedback by someone who's been through this before
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (16 February 2016):
 Her issues with her bf are her issues with her bf and not something you should really be concerning yourself with. It's her relationship and for her to sort out before dragging you into it. Maybe she is in love with you, maybe your just a thrill on the side who knows, either way she needs to shit or get off the pot. It is inevitable he, the family will find out from whom ever else she flaunts you in front of. just carless and arrogant to think its ok to burden her friends with her cheating. If family/business ties are keeping her with him you might want to think about how the family will treat you when they find out your the guy she's been cheating with. Rocky days ahead perhaps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2016): Your playing with fire, man. That's just so scandalous. This girl is a massive loser for doing this. And you are being one yourself for associating with her. I had a friend like her. She would cheat on her boyfriend all the time. She was biding her time with him until something better came along. Every month she was with a different dude behind her boyfriends back. She would lie to her boyfriend and tell him she's out of town or whatnot. The reason her friends were accepting and nonjudgmental of her trysts was because she would constantly complain very convincingly that her boyfriend was "so horrible." When the horrible one was her.She managed to fool a couple of guys that didn't see through her insincerity but most guys would just use her and never talk to her again. I have no doubt in my mind this is similar to what this girl you are dating is doing. I mean doesn't it speak volumes to you about her character that she moved you in while in a relationship with another guy? This girl has no character. She is horrible. She will mistreat you the same way she mistreats him. And it will be just as scandalous. Imagine how big of an idiot and how humiliated her boyfriend is going to feel when he finds out? This is behavior that is traumatizing. That's straight up evil. So vile and evil. Unless you've got a major screw loose, you don't treat people that way. It's sociopathic.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2016): Seems pretty much like she's having her cake and eating it too! You're a side-dish. She is using you to compensate for his weaknesses and shortcomings. Getting this two-for-one deal, adds up to one great boyfriend!
So, you trust a girl who cheats on her boyfriend?
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (15 February 2016):
You are being used like toilet paper. By having you move in, she can now use you for your resources (money, time, support, etc) but still sleep with her BOYFRIEND.
If you accept this situation for another second, you are a chump.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 February 2016):
 Obviously you didn't mind her not being single when you first got involved with her, so I don't think you have any reason to complain now. You're with her, and she'll dump her boyfriend after some time. God knows how long time, but that's your own fault for getting involved with a woman who wasn't single yet.
You can't do anything about this, you either accept it or break it off and find someone else, who hopefully is single and available, and not having one foot inside and the other outside....
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 February 2016):
AS Knute Rockne might have said: "Drop back 10(yards) and punt..."
This situation has no future.... for ANY of the three of you... until and unless the lady figures out what she wants in her life.....
Good luck....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe introduced me to her best friends as her boyfriend.. Which confuses me a little because they know about her and the other guy.. We even talked about actually being together/ marriage love stuff.. She told me to just trust her bc her family has business with his family but I do still feel slightly weary... Do you really think distance is the answer? I see her practically everyday..
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 February 2016):
 Tell her when she's single for real you are in. Before that? Um, don't move in and limit contact. What is she going through? Who knows? It's up to her to fix her messy relationships.
How do you get through it? Distance, distance, distance.
Unless she's introduced you to HIS family and friends as her boyfriend? You are the boytoy on the side.
Pass!
When she gets her stuff together you could consider dating her, but unless you like a lot of drama, it wouldn't be advisable.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (15 February 2016):
Ask yourself this....Can you trust her? She claims to love him and his family, she has knowing them since she was a child, yet she is cheating on him and not being honest? If she can do that to someone she cares so much about, don't you think she will do it to you in the future as well?
I am not here to judge you, am just afraid that you will end up getting very hurt here in this process. She didn't need to start an affair with you. She could have said wait until she ended things with her boyfriend. At least then she wouldn't be taking a risk on betraying him and his family. Just be careful that you don't end up getting hurt here.
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