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female
age
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anonymous
writes: How can I help my daughter without hurting her feelings? She is making bad choices, messing up her education on a very prestigious university,what was very hard for us to support financially. And she is trying to leave it for a very unrelated art carrier. Everything is wrong with that. She is not really showing excellence at it, she wouldn't know how to support herself,because I;m afraid ,we wouldn't support her. And how she would ever find a job? Now ,We told her the best way to do this, to go to university,where she is already in,and it was not easy to get in there,and take courses about her passion on the side. But we get into endless arguments about this. And I dont know how to be smart. If she would really show real talent ,I would say,yes go for it,but she is not exceptional. And when ever we get into this ,she thinks we are critical, and negative. But we are not wealthy ,and we can't support a totally unfounded future-less thing. Yet ,she complains ,she will be really unhappy,if we do that. What do you think we should do? Thanks so much
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2010):
This issue is not about the economy or the specifics of the possible education paths. This is about who has power over the daughter's life choices.
I agree she should be very well informed about the situation. But once she has heard the big lecture once or twice, drop it. It's her life.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2010): Hmm, well I don't think there's anything wrong with the way you're thinking. I think she is the one who is acting narrow-minded and selfish, not you. I'm nineteen and I'm also in medical school. I am actually very good in art, having won some regional awards and stuff, and yet, I found the humility to keep my passion close as a hobby and not a career, at least for now, at least while I get a degree. If she's in a good school (no doubt thanks to your support), then she has a world of options open to her. If she is truly passionate about art, then she should still be perfectly able to pursue it after getting a degree (it's not like you're can't be an 'artist' if you don't go to an 'art school'). By completing a standard education first, she will: 1) gain a greater understanding of what life is like, 2) increase her chances of getting an okay job, and 3) hopefully obtain a way to support her own interests without relying on you, her mom, for never-ending handouts. I know I sound harsh (make sure you don't when you talk to her about this lol), but I'm speaking from experience here. I have maintained friendships with some of my friends who have already graduated from art school. In this economy, after all the money they spent on their romantic educations, they have nothing to show for it. The one with a studio art degree now works as a cashier in framing shop. Of my other arts friends, only one of them has a job that he seems to kind of like, whilst making 'enough' money at the same time. When did she get into art in the first place? Has she always wanted to do it? Or did she suddenly come up with the idea now? If so, then she needs to take another look at herself; she needs to ask herself why she didn't pursue art in the first place, before paying a year of tuition? Is she really prepared to spend a lifetime at it? Is she even prepared to accept the consequences if she does go to an art school? Would she be okay with a not-very-interesting job that barely pays for her paints? She needs to ask herself these questions. I'm just going to be honest and assume that she doesn't know what she's doing or thinking. The truth is that a lot of teens have a lot of fantasies in their heads about art. The truth is that most art grads don't end up in favorable positions. The truth is that you're looking out for her happiness and future, and the truth is that despite it being her life and all that, she's still someone who has no idea of what it means to make it for yourself in this world (or at least, that's what it sounds like).Good luck. Some people are difficult to handle, and it's likely that she isn't going to like the truth. She's not going to take things well if you spell it out for her. I don't know how you should communicate to her about this, but be careful. Take care.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2010): I agree with Marieclaire. It's her life. If you extend & withdraw your support depending on whether or not she is doing exactly what you want, then your love for her is conditional.
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A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies  +, writes (18 April 2010):
 Hey,I am 20 and I've been facing similar problems with my parents.
my advice to you is - Let her know ONCE that you cant support her financially if she chooses to study art. If she brings it up again tell her ur not discussing it. uve made ur decision and shes free to make hers too. if she decides to leave college,she will prolly come back with u within months....
u can also go see a psychologist so u can get the support u need.
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