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female
age
41-50,
*eggina7
writes:I was just wonderingDoes everyone accept that the "if you love something set it free" principle is a universal one? Are there any examples of love finding its way through a complicated situation beyond the partie's control? Is one supposed to fight and change things or should one just let go and hope that if something is meant to be will be? I am leaving details out intentionally because I am really interested in people's views rather than advice (I think I am beyond that unfortunately) thanks in advance Reply to this Question
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reader, beentheredonemosteverything  +, writes (12 November 2010):
I, for one, don't believe in the "if you love them, let them go." That type of phrase was used on me not too long ago, and although it sounds very poetic and sincere; it really makes no sense. If you love someone, you fight for them, do everything you can to be with them because you love them. "I love you enough to let you be free or go" ?? Sounds more like I've found something better, don't want to change, or too much trouble to fight for, and is equal to, "I don't really love you as much as I love myself" - it's a cop out.
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female
reader, Reggina7 +, writes (22 May 2010):
Reggina7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMylassie, taking your advice is not an easy feat at all. I am sorry you feel you made a mistake sending the text, maybe you did, maybe you didn't. I believe that the smart thing to do is let the other person miss you but look at us. None of us are really experts and human beings are not machines therefore everything is unpredictable. Obviously you felt you needed to get this off your chest (having feelings is nothing to be ashamed of and I hate it when people pretend just to get a result) and also, forgive me for saying that, but sometimes even a slap in the face when it goes wrong is gentler if it helps us face reality. As for me, it looks like the entire problem (including the guy I am in love with) is about to come visit me abroad in about a month. I believe a lot will be cleared then so I both dread it and I am looking forward to it.I am trying hard not to let my feelings for this guy consume me. It is very painful as he just confessed that he loves me too (but it is complicated. At least for now)I don't know, I just have to hope for the best for both of us.
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reader, mylassie10 +, writes (22 May 2010):
 It's funny that I couldnt even take my own advice. I went a week without contact with my ex. I was on a date last night and I was miserable. The guy was really nice but I couldnt stop wishing it was my ex that was there. I ended up texting him and saying, "Im sorry to bother you, but I miss you"...he never responded. That hurts more than anything to know that he has already gotten over it after our past and all the times we fought for each other. I had told him not even 2 weeks ago that I loved him..and I meant it. But i guess this is just a life lesson. I hope things work out for you.
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reader, Reggina7 +, writes (21 May 2010):
Reggina7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow, those are some pretty interesting answers guys. Thanks a lot. For scorpio girl, love has nothing to do with age.I know people who have been together since their teens but having said that I believe there is more than one mr right out there. Hope everything works out for you.
Mylassie and anonymous, spot on both of you. I also feel this way. I would never in a million years want to force someone to love me back. What value would there be in that? Calling and pleading is THE surefire way to ruin any chances. In my case I have so far given zero contact but he contacted me and confessed he has indeed strong feelings for me. Sadly he also bitterly told me he wished he loved someone else and when he turned the situation around in an example I had to admit I would walk away too. I just wish love was enough but clearly it is not. A bunch of people stand to get hurt and it is unfair because it is not like either of us is married or otherwise attached (so cheating is not involved).Anyway, as I said, I didn't want to make it about me. I am interested in the topic in general.
Mrvhappy, can you please elaborate? Is there a link where we can read your story(when you say read my message)? sounds interesting. What you say in your post is precicely the thought that is making me doubt whether my inaction is actually a good thing or not. thanks in advance
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2010): You need to look at it differntly. The reason we say if you love somthing/someone set it free is 2 reasons. 1st you cannot control or change another person. 2nd you cannot convince someone to love you. It is a feeling. In fact the more you try to convince them the more they will resist. Think of it like this if a sale person is trying to sell you somthing. You resist - right. And if you try to hold on to something to much like sand in your hand the less you are able too. People are much the same way. So you have to give people room to feel and room to go. No one likes pressure or guilt. Think about it - how do you feel one some does that to you???All you can do is say how you feel and tell someone what you want. Thats it. You have a right to feel how you feel and you have a right to want what you want. But that does not mean they want or feel the same way. In the end all you can do is change yourself. You do that by changing your thoughts. Changing your thoughts will change your perspective on things.Work on yourself - let go you have no control anyway. So why worry. Enjoy life everyday. That is real secret - happiness is a choice we make everyday. Don't worry be HAPPY -
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reader, mrvhappy +, writes (20 May 2010):
Fight for it
I wish I had 30 yrs ago
See my message
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reader, mylassie10 +, writes (20 May 2010):
Hi! I have been wondering the same exact thing lately. My boyfriend recently broke up with me and I felt like it was out of anger because he took offense to something I had said and usually people wouldnt break up over it but he felt it was best. We had a rocky relationship and would fight a lot but we always we came back together because we felt it was worth fighting for if we could just get to the point where we were in the beginning. I have been majorly depressed and have fought with myself not to text him. I had already tried to plead with him while he was breaking it off but he didnt care at the time. A week has passed since the break up and I have not heard from him. But I am following the rule, "if you love something, set it free." I feel that if he truly cared and missed me, he would come back to me and i hope to God he does. In some cases, I feel like one should fight for the relationship but in a case where the person has done everything they can, they just have to give some space and let the other person miss them. You don't want to keep calling and bothering the person because that can majorly turn them off. If you are meant to try things again, they will come back. I hope this helps you a little. I know what it's like to want something so bad but feel that you can't do anything about it and you just have to wait to see what happens. I don't know your situation but if youre feeling depressed over someone, I suggest you try to occupy yourself. Go out and have fun, hang out with friends and don't be afraid to meet other guys and go on dates. You don't want stop your life and wait for the other person because they may never come back. Good luck!
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reader, Xx-Scorpio-xX +, writes (20 May 2010):
 hmm...i kinda believe in it but its hard to accept. There is someone that i know i love with my whole heart(eventhough i'm only 17) but when i told them they said we couldn't be together. i believe though that it will happen one day, but for the time being there is nothing that i can really do except miss them. if it really is true love then luck/fate will be on my side. ^_^
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