A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:This is probably just your average middle school story of not love, but infatuation. For your sake, I'll use mostly correct punctuation, and decent grammar. Normally, I'm just like any other teenager, not using any punctuation whatsoever, and appearing to have the IQ of a walnut. Well, to give some background information, I'm a really shy guy, especially around this girl. Anyway, we're both pretty similar in that we're both shy, and we're both inexperienced. We also have fairly similar personalities. So this eventually led to a dysfunctional relationship, where we never really talked or anything, it couldn't even be classified as a relationship. Later on in the year, we started talking a lot over the internet (yes, you heard me, its that pathetic). However, when we did see each other at school, we made small talk. Eventually, she was stressed out from the school's workload, and broke up with me. Although we never really were close at all, this did tear me up inside. Because I couldn't be with her? I would say more so the fact that this is when I really began to realize how much of an idiot, retard, pussy, I was. I had very low self esteem around this point, but nevertheless, we still talked. I tricked myself into thinking I was "in love with her". Anyway, summer passed, and in the new school year, instead of trying to make a rebound, I would attempt to relinquish her from my mind. So I would reply to her emails generally about a week late, but there were times where I felt close to her. I didn't pick up any clues that she liked me (I later found out that she did leave some hints), but throughout the year, I was mostly under the impression that she just wanted to be friends. I would sometimes and test the waters, by moving slightly forward, (such as initiating touch contact). I never got a positive response, so I never made a ballsy move by telling her my feelings. Plus, I didn't even know what I wanted with her, I just felt like I needed her affection I suppose. I never really gave a lot of thought towards it until later on in the year (now specifically), and was still bent on removing any affectionate memories of her. That is until around the time of the school dance. One person told me I should go with her, and many others agreed. So I asked her, and then I was really happy at the moment. And then I looked at her body language, and based on my understanding of it, I felt I shouldn't have been so excited. I pretty much hid my feelings of her until I gave her a corsage at the dance. She gave me the guy version of it, and then we kinda talked and sat on the side. She told me she didn't know how to dance, and I agreed with her that it just wasn't our place. I decided now was the time to tell her everything, and so I did. After being interrupted once, she suggested that we went outside. We had a really deep talk, and apparently she did like me the whole time, and we talked about a lot of things. I told her how perfect I thought she was (I meant every word, I didn't say she was perfect, but that in my eyes, she is). We hugged, we held hands, we even slow danced alone outside. Eventually it led to the kiss, (more like just holding each others lips together, we were doing everything wrong). We just laughed about it though, it really was the most hilarious moment of my life. I wasn't even embarrassed, and neither was she. It was our first "kiss" by the way. Eventually, we were just hugging for a long time and she whispered in my ear "I love you". I replied the same thing back, and I did mean it. I told her even if we don't know what the word really means, its probably the best thing to describe it. Anyway I was getting a really good vibe right there. Then when we went back inside, her friends were really pissed off, and at first I didn't know why. Then I learned it was because we were out there the whole time and they thought I made her look like a slut. I didn't understand. At one moment, it was the happiest moment of my life. And then I felt sad. I looked over at the girl, and noticed that she looked sad. I just assumed the worst, that she was mad at me and that she didn't mean a god damn thing she said. I talked with her over AIM that night, and found out that she just felt bad because the others were mad. She still liked me though. Now heres the problem, I haven't actually talked with her for a day, and I really have no way of immediately getting ahold of her because she doesn't have a phone. I've sent her an email or two, and some IM's and I feel too clingy. Now the real problem with this is that I have no clue what could be going on. She might be talking to her friends, who could completely change her mind on the situation. They don't hate me, but they probably have a completely different perception of the situation, and jump to conclusions on my intentions. I don't know, I'm just afraid I guess. I know girls are very impressionable on these kinds of things. Or the girl might have lied, or regretted some things. She seemed really really happy on the night though. I probably shouldn't even be posting this question, I guess I just want someone to analyze the situation or make me not feel so bad.
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broke up, self esteem, shy, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, LottieCole  +, writes (12 June 2010):
 Dear Anon,
you seem to be taking the whole world and its problems on to your shoulders. You need to take a step back and realise you are both so very young still, your experiencing new things and hopefully this will be together. However if she bases her decision about being with you on what her friends think and say then your never going to win with her. A girl who cant decide on her own who she likes and whats to be with isnt in a position to be with anyone and it would be wise to remain her friend. In your case only time will tell what shall occur between you both, but when you feel like your clingying on just take a deep breath an realise you are panicking yourself over nothing.
Wishing you well, my fingers are crossed for you
Lottie x
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