A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years and a lot has happened between us. He started straying, I’d catch him staring at other girls and flirting with other girls via text and facebook…My trust in him has gone but we do love each other a whole lot and after doing numerous things e.g going on a break, not going to see him as much etc. I have decided that I still really do want this relationship. But I wish I could the same about him…He seems a bit distant..I know maybe having someone that doesn’t trust you is a lot to handle. (I nag and I am a bit clingy)I have also become quite insecure in the sense that I often blame myself for him maybe losing interest in me just because everything that’s made me lose trust in him is to do with him and other girls (as mentioned above)There was a point where I kept saying to him that it’s over for everything (which I know is quite childish) He’s spoken about this to me and I’ve stopped. But when we patched things up after that….There’s things he would do like not answer his phone, forget I was on the phone etc etc. Which obviously I was angry at him for so one day I decided not to answer my phone. he called me at night and in the day time he left it. when he picked up he said “it wasn’t my fault” and i told him why i was so angry and hung up.That night he called me and was about dump me but the phone cut off (his battery died and he was on the road)He said to me when he called back after a while and he was like…”It’s all getting too much for me, I just want things to go back to normal. I can’t deal with all the arguments.”I said “Wern’t you about to dump me?” He said “No, I was about to, but I thought about it”Okay, it used to be “I will never dump you, no matter what happens we can work through it”…Nowadays, he says “Sometimes when you say things like this, it makes me not want a girlfriend”….You know stuff like that…Also, he never calls, never answers his phone, he’s ALWAYS busy and always with his friends, when he does pick up, he leaves me on the phone for such a long time while he’s talking to his friends in the back ground and then says to call him back or if he doesn’t do that then he’s doesn’t speak to me properly because he’s distracting himself with something else..Another thing, I used to go and see him all the time and now that things are kinda shakey, he comes to see me (which is quite an achievement) BUT I used to see him all the time and he says he doesn’t ask me to come and see him anymore because I say no. The reason I say no is because when he comes to see me we go to the park and talk and play around and stuff. But if I see him I go to his house. I know men love sex etc etc BUT I really want to work on our relationship first. Also, maybe if I don’t give him what he wants, he’ll work harder for it…Another thing is that he never notices anything….(I know it’s playing games but…)I’ll put single on my facebook for like ages and he’ll never notice….He hasn’t got pictures of me on facebook and he deletes it when it posts xxxx is in a relationship with xxxx.I know I sound really stupid and I know I sound paranoid but right now I feel like he’s not giving his all and he doesn’t care.I want to know what to do to enable our relationship to be saved….Someone help please?
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female
reader, BunnyTee  +, writes (15 June 2010):
 Ok, sweetheart, you need to learn this now. This line: "Also, maybe if I don’t give him what he wants, he’ll work harder for it…"
Contrary to popular belief, men are not dogs to be trained. This is just plain old manipulation. And that's WRONG. You need to drop this train of thought now; if you grow up believing this nonsense, and worse, putting it to use, you're in for a big surprise later on.
What you've described is a guy who has ZERO respect for you.
Why you even want to put any effort into salvaging anything with him is absolutely beyond me. You're not being paranoid, you feel like he's not giving it his all and he doesn't care because that's what's happening,here! Drop the zero, sweetie. This one's not a keeper.
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