A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I'm a 27 yr old woman and completely lost with life and love. I don't understand why I'm so unlucky when it comes to love and feel very alone. The past 8 or 9 years I had my share of unsuccessful relationships and never understood what went wrong. I always have these guys who fall head over heels for me from the start then dissappear or look at me as if I"m the spawn of satan and want nothing to do with me for no reason wut so ever. I pretty much dated every kind of guy out there from tall, short, light hair, dark hair, different nationalities, different religions, firemen, military, older, younger, etc. And it always comes down to them wanting me chasing me falling for me and leaving me whether I reciporcate the feeling or don't, whether I sleep with them or don't, whether I gnore them or don't, I think you get my point! I honestly don't understand?!?I always think its me since I'm the common denominator in all these situations. And I tried over and over figuring out what's the problem but I'm at my wits end! My first relationship/first love was bittersweet. And yes I did carry the baggage of the hurt mistrust in the bck of my head for quite sometime! But in the same aspect I didn't hold any guy accountible for my past. Each person is different and everyone is responsible for there own actions!Many people tell me I am intimidating b/c I'm beautful inside/out. I am a confident woman and know what I have to offer people who are in my life be it family, friend, work wuteva. And I'm a very honest, loyal, trustworthy, giving, loving person. There's nuthin I wouldn't do to help anyone in life. When I meet someone who can possibly be something romantic I don't change who I am. What u see is what you get! And I like to go with the flow and be friends with the person! I feel that if the person who u choose to be with can't respect you as a real friend then y go into a loving relationship? (Obviously I don't say it exactly like that to the guy) All I basically ask for is for guy to be honest wit me!I don't think there's anything wrong with that. but for some reason it always goes sour. I don't understand it anymore. I'm not crazy, I'm not stupid, and I'm not needy! I respect people space b/c I'm a type of person who likes her space and its very healthy to have your own personal space from everyone time to time.As you can see I'm not a type of person to jump into something and run with my feelings without getting to know the person! I learned that lesson a longg time ago! I'm not saying I'm perfect everyone has there faults. When I get to know someone I'm open to who they are and accepting of who they are. The one thing like I said I'm always upfront about is honesty. I'm not a big fan of lying, in fact it drivves me crazy when I find out I've been lied to especially for the fact I'm not a liar and I stay true to what I say! Why is it so difficult to get that in return.?? Can someone please tell me if there's any hope for me at this point???
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female
reader, NeedinRomance +, writes (8 September 2010):
I completely understand how you feel and you have described me almost to the T. At this point in my life, I am surviving a very hurtful disappointment and again, another failed relationship. Is there hope, yes, but I have come to understand that everything happens for a reason (good or bad). Accepting things for what they are is hard (I'm living proof to that as we speak) but its do-able. Men are like scrambled eggs, you must ask for what you want, not what you think you MIGHT like. Time is the answer to all questions and take this time to focus on you and your youth. Your love will come but when it needs too, not when we want it too. Keep being honest and stay true to yourself. Eventually, the love that is meant to love you will and be with you. (Now i just need to follow my own advice!)
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (8 September 2010):
 To me you sound jaded. I am too so I feel like we can recognize our own. Is there any hope for you? Of course. One thing I noticed is that you dated all "types" of guys and you listed physical attributes. "Types" generally refers more to emotional/psychological attributes then physical ones. For example, you have players, sensitive guys, jocks, gamers, plenty more or any combination of the above. Dating someone who looks different than your last BF doesn't make them different internally.
What turns you on in a guy? For many women it's confidence, passion, and good looks. The thing is that these traits can also be found in a lot of sociopaths or borderline sociopaths. A true sociopath has no different neurological response when telling a lie versus the truth. Unlike an "average" person who will show physical differences in their brains and behaviors while lying.
Is it too much to ask that you aren't lied to?
No, but what degree of lying are we talking about? Some guys lie about things because they have been for a long time. Masturbation comes to mind. We're trained to hide it from a pretty young age, so opening up about it can be really difficult for some guys.
Honestly, it is hard for us to know why your relationships have failed without talking to the other parties. We like to think that we go through life with the bad things that happen to us not being our fault. Some may actually be our fault but we justify them away. Some may not be our fault.
Good luck finding love. I've had plenty of relationships end as well, but I'm still looking. To me the good times, no matter if they last or not, are worth it.
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