A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I’d like your advice, about 4 weeks ago I met a guy on an internet dating website who I was initially extremely forward with me. I saw his pics on line and we chatted online for a while and he seemed really nice and intelligent as he has his own business etc.. Within about 30 mins he asked me out on a date and wanted to see me straight away.. I made a point of telling him that I couldn’t go out till the Friday so that he didn’t think that I would jump every time he asked. We then went out on about 3 more dates within the next week and half, all of which he instigated…He was constantly phoning and texting me to get my attention and at times it seemed almost obsessive! He started talking about stuff that we could do together in the future and also said that I should come off the dating website, basically hinting that he really like me… So a couple of days later I did out of respect to him.I saw him the last time about 3 weeks ago on a Sunday and at the end of the night he was trying it on with me more than he had been before.. I told him to stop and I got the impression that it pissed him off slightly… Since that day he has pretty much ignored me! And the next day I noticed that we was back on the dating website.Three weeks later I am still non the wiser as to why he behaved like this towards me! Ive decided that I don’t want to contact him and will leave it up to him.. He has instant messaged to say that he was sorry that he acted in this way… And I just said that it was OK and not a problem as I did not want to give him the impression that I had been up-set by his behaviour… But being like this is making me feel awful inside as I just want to have a go at him as I feel so hurt that someone could be so full on with me and then so backwards with me! How could someone have such a split personality?? Do you think this guy is a commitment phobic?Do you think that I should talk to him and tell him how I feel? Or should I chat to him and just pretend that I really don’t care? I'm just so confused about what to do! I really want to move on with my life and do not want to come across as being needy or pressuring him as I know that this will scare him off.. But at the same time, I feel like I am going mad within and am confused as to what I should do for the best!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2009): He does sound obsessive and I think you were right not to dive in the deep end with him. He started making demands too soon and then when you wouldn't go along with things, backed off. It sounds like he has problems. Try not to take it personally.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (18 May 2009):
Sounds like he is one of those guys that falls in love within 2 minutes and talks about marriage and kids and wants massisve amounts of sex.
And then when they figure that you have some kind of imperfection (eg. not willing to have sex straight away) then they completely lose interest.
This is his problem not yours. He'll have acting this way no matter what you did. If you'd slept with him sooner he'd have thought you must be easy. If you chased him as much as he chased you then he'd have thought you were clingy.
The pickings are slim on dating websites which is why I always suggest that you go out in the real world and meet people.
Good Luck!! xx
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